Larry H's Movie Reviews for 2005
Index of Movies:
Munich | The Producers | Memoirs of a Geisha | King Kong | Narnia | Walk the Line | Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire | Jarhead | Thumbsucker | Two for the Money | A History of Violence | Flightplan | The Great Raid | March of the Penguins | Four Brothers | Stealth | Hustle and Flow | Wedding Crashers | Dark Water | War of the Worlds | Herbie Fully Loaded | Bewitched | Batman Begins | Mr. and Mrs. Smith | Cinderella Man | Crash | Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith | Kicking and Screaming | Kingdom of Heaven | The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy | The Interpreter | Fever Pitch | Miss Congeniality 2 Armed and Fabulous | Hostage | Be Cool | Hitch | Million Dollar Baby | White Noise
I wish now that I had not chosen to see this movie the afternoon of New Year's Eve. I will not be a fun date tonight.
Steven Spielberg's latest movie is decidedly mediocre yet it held my interest for almost three hours. The story begins with the taking of hostages and ultimate massacre of 11 Israeli athletes during the 1972 Olympics in Munich. In response to those attacks by Arabs known as the Black September group, Prime Minister Golda Mier and the Israeli military brass put together a double super secret team of assassins to "show that Israel is strong." The film chronicles this group of James Bond-like Israelis and the international intrigue that went into the killing of those who planned and organized the Munich massacre.
Spielberg deals somewhat even handedly in this intricate battle of the Middle East and its never ending multi-national quest to pay back an "eye for an eye." This approach by Spielberg caused me to think, but not care. I wasn't pulling for any one or a particular side...I didn't have a dog in that hunt and was merely watching the bloodshed as a nonplussed onlooker which is not my preferred participation level while at the movies.
I give Spielberg high marks for being a skilled film director, but we already knew that. I want to be entertained and I was not. So I will ring in the New Year anyway...Party On! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
I had popcorn and Mr. Pibb for breakfast today at the local AMC. "The Producers" is not playing at Loew's - what's up with that?
This could be the first movie to start as a movie and then go to Broadway and then back to the big screen. You might remember the 1968 movie by Mel Brooks starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder. But this time, it is a musical in addition to being pretty darn funny.
Nathan Lane as Max Bialystock and Matthew Broderick as Leo Bloom have taken the leap from their 2001 smash hit on Broadway to this huge production by Mel Brooks and direction by Susan Stroman who also directed it on Broadway.
Bialystock is a an established Broadway producer of dubious distinction who teams and schemes with Bloom the mousy accountant to raise funds for a "flop" and then pocket the leftover money. Their devious plan hinges on finding "the worst play ever written" which results in the hiring of Franz Liebkind (Will Farrell) the Nazi-helmet wearing fanatic who wrote "Springtime for Hitler." They also hire Ulla (Uma Thurman) the svelte Swede to appear in this musical and work as their "secretary/receptionist" and the fruity Roger De Bris (Gary Beach) to direct.
If you wish "they" would make one of those "good 'ole 1950's musical comedies" then you must see this movie. If you want to see outstanding acting, clever choreography and singing, then you must see this movie. Mel Brooks will be the big hit at the Academy Awards next Springtime in California as this movie will get 8-12 nominations: Best Picture/Director/Actor (Lane/Broderick) Supporting Actors (Thurman/Ferrell/Beach) Screenplay etc. Hollywood loves this kind of movie; some of you will not. I did. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
I awoke at 4:30 am on this Christmas Eve and immediately did two things:
1) starting thinking about the movies I might see today at Loew's and 2) went back to sleep for several more hours. I cooked eggs, sausage, and waffles for Monique and Eric H. in part to "butter them up" so they would think going to a movie mid-morning was acceptable; I invited them but they declined.I wanted to see Speilberg's "Munich" but it started too late for me to also make it to Aunt Suzanne's for early Christmas. So I chose "Geisha" in the hopes that the acting would be good enough to carry the movie. I trust that my confidence in receiving wonderful Christmas gifts is not equally misplaced.
This movie is about the life of a geisha...oh duh. And I did not like or care about any of the characters, story, or rich history of this Japanese subculture. I started getting sleepy at about the one hour mark so I left theatre #3 to purchase extra-butter popcorn and drink. I quickly returned to my seat and chowed down on my refreshments and I was still bored and groggy. Shortly thereafter I concluded "I'm outta here." On the way home (early) I called Monique H. and told her that I would carry her to purchase that one last gift she had been talking about...and I looked like a loving husband...see how everything always works out. Rock 'n Roll
Grade: 69W Larry H.
And it's only Thursday... around 11:00 am I told the staff that I was going to the bathroom and then to lunch "...might be a while." A while my foot, this movie is over three hours. I gotta type quietly because I don't want them to know that I've been goofing off for "a while."
I got an email this morning from Brian C., a Houston Lawyer of some renown, and he claims his brother is Kyle Chandler who has a co-starring role in "King Kong" and that I better give the movie a positive nod. I ain't scared of no Houston lawyer...but his brother looks just like him and Kyle (Bruce Baxter) did an outstanding job in the movie as the good-looking actor in the Jack Black movie within the movie. You will see more of Kyle Chandler because he is one of the big winners is this gigantic flick.
Peter Jackson has made a masterful movie and brought his Lord-of-the- Rings skills to the table, but this movie is WAAAAY too long. I'd cut about 40% of the beginning and the middle. The plot hasn't changed much from the original 1933 Depression-Era movie of the same name except this time Kong is discovered on an uncharted island that has more monsters and dinosaurs than Jurassic Park. The cast of Adrien Brody, Jack Black, Naomi Watts...and Kyle Chandler are all very good in their parts and the special effects and animation is superb, but the over production and convoluted story beat me down.
I had two compelling thoughts during the movie: 1) when is this going to be over so I can sneak back to the office and 2) why didn't somebody hire Speilberg to edit this monstrosity. It is such a spectacular movie (costumes, cinematography, set design etc) that it probably will garner some Academy nominations, but Film Editing will not be one of them. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 86. Larry H.
I finally made it into Theatre #18 at Loews Theatres at the Fountains about a minute after the movie started. The four Pevensie children- Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy - were just being put on the train by their mother during World War II to escape the bombing in London. The plan was for them to live with "the professor" until it was safe to return. I needed some safety precautions as well. The firm's reception room had been freshly painted this morning and I think the fumes made me a little loopy. Not to worry, I self medicated with some popcorn and Mr. Pibb and I was all better.
"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" is adapted from the famous book by C.S. Lewis (his friends called him Jack). Lewis wrote this classic children's book in 1950 which just happens to be the same year I came to Texas.
The professor's home had many, many rooms and one of them had a wardrobe full of coats. During a game of hide 'n seek, Lucy, the youngest, hid in the wardrobe and unexpectedly stepped into a snowy wood inhabited by strange and mysterious characters. The first "person" Lucy encounters is a faun named Mr. Tumnus who is half man and half goat but walks upright and speaks the King's English. We quickly learn that Lucy has entered the country of Narnia where it has been winter for 100 years..." always winter but never Christmas." The next oldest child, Edmund, also enters Narnia via the wardrobe but he tells Peter and Susan that he has not been to Narnia and that Lucy is suffering from a child's imagination. Thus begins the "sinful" nature of Edmund. All four Pevensie kids finally enter Narnia where they encounter many scary (and loving) characters and animals - centaurs, satyrs, dwarfs, bulls, beavers, leopards, wolves, and an assortment of flying and walking creatures that are on one of two sides: Evil - the White Witch and Good - the Lion named Aslan.
There is no doubt about good and evil - a child can understand it. But small children will be frightened in many of the combat and death scenes. The book by Lewis has long been compared to the bible and Aslan as a Christ-like character. Lewis was subtle; this movie is not. The Christian themes of forgiveness, compassion, peace, healing, second chances, death and resurrection are profound and memorable. I had an emotional almost reverential experience. I read this book for the first time this week thanks in large part to my friend Kerry A. who spoke lovingly about it; thanks Kerry. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
I love going to a movie on Wednesday before Thanksgiving; makes me think I'm pulling a fast one and getting an extra "Friday." And then there's the real Friday in two days - go figure. I'm cooking the turkey tomorrow so I needed some R&R to get my mind right.
This movie is a classic example of great acting carrying a less-than-dynamic story. Too soon after "Ray" we see another bio of one of the musical greats suffering from addiction and separation from his wife and children. I grew up watching Johnny Cash's real life unfold, but I had the recurring thought during this movie of how different things are now with nonstop "Entertainment Tonight" etc that spills the stories of celebs into our living room ad nausea. As with Ray Charles, I heard only snippets of Johnny Cash's life with pills and jail but I knew the "Man In Black" could sing and Joaquin Phoenix portrayal of Cash was outstanding and maybe good enough to get a nomination, but he probably will not win.
But Reese "Legally Blond" Witherspoon's career has changed forever. As June Carter Cash, she was superb and should be the frontrunner for Best Supporting Actress. I was stunned by her singing and acting. Witherspoon and Phoenix had good screen chemistry and both will be remembered for their performances in this heartbreaking love story. I was emotionally invested through most of the movie but the story had some lulls which broke its rhythm. However, Director James Mangold gets a big "attaboy" because of the incredible and energetic performances of his stars. If you miss Johnny Cash singing "Folsom Prison Blues," "A Burning Ring of Fire," and "I Walk the Line," then go see this movie. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
If you liked the first three Harry Potter movies, you'll love this one. I'm a recent convert. It all started this summer when Eric H. decided to read the rest of the six books so that he would be "properly prepared" for college. I was just glad the boy was reading anything. He appeared to love the books and wanted to talk to me about them, but I wasn't interested.
Then I observed the complete craziness when Harry Potter book #6 came out in July and the crowds stood in line beginning at midnight to get their hands on the latest story by J.K. Rowling. I didn't think I would like the books, but since all six now lived in my home library, I took the plunge and read the first one and about two months later and 3,300+ pages I finished book #6 and had become a "Porta-Potter." Jo (that's what we freaks call her instead of Joanna Katherine Rowling) is one of the best storytellers of all time. And lucky for us, Director Mike Newell did not stray very far from the basic story.
Harry, Ron, and Hermoine return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to begin their fourth year of education in magic. Sure, the kids at this school are young wizards and witches, but they are characters with the same problems of any adolescent except their "high school" has dragons, mermaids, and dark lords...oh my! And Harry is the hero and we have no doubt who the bad guys are. Well, ok, some of the evildoers are disguised and act as though they are harmless...but who are the real Death Eaters?
The cast is solid, the set design and special effects are excellent, and Daniel Radcliff, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson have grown up while becoming even more engaging than previous movies. This movie is well done in all respects much to the credit of Newell and Screenwriter Steve Kloves. The audience laughed and groaned in all the right places; Larry H. got goose bumps and cried near the end when Harry cried. What more do you want from a movie? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
PS I need two tickets to the UT-A&M game. Thank you very much.
The nickname "jarhead" refers to a Marine's haircut and is mostly a term of endearment. This movie is adapted from the book by Anthony Swofford who tells his personal story of Marine training and fighting in Desert Storm a.k.a. "The First Iraq War." Private Swofford and his fellow snipers are some of the first Marines to be deployed to the Saudi-Kuwait desert in 1990.
The movie begins in 1989 at Camp Pendleton with graphic depictions of the grueling training for the young Marines that probably have no idea where Iraq is much less who Saddam Hussein is. The opening scenes of vulgarity and raw emotions quickly grabbed the audience and I heard gasps mixed with wincing, deep breaths, and laughter...all in the first 45 seconds of the film! Props to Director Sam Mendes.
The central characters are the eight Marines that are chosen to complete sniper training led by Staff Sgt. Sykes (Jamie Foxx). Private Swofford (Jake Gyllenhaal) and the other seven are soon consistently nailing head shots at 1000+ yards. These guys are excellent snipers and trained to kill when ordered. The character development of these young men and their frustrations, sexually and otherwise, is superbly presented by Mendes.
When they finally arrive in the desert, at a time when the US government was still referring to the "war" as "Desert Shield," these Jarheads battle boredom and homesickness more than the enemy. This movie employs the classic themes of morality and survival, but appropriately sets the stage for a modern war even though "...all wars are the same."
The winners: Mendes and especially Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead role and all the main characters will place this movie at the top of their acting resume. And Jamie Foxx shows once again that he is a big dog.
This movie is about the front line men of a war; the highest ranking officer in the movie was a Lt. Colonel. If you can't stand the "F" bomb, then don't go to this flick because these Jarheads use the word as though they earned extra points for colorful expressions. Hey, it's war and these young killing machines are wound very tight. The audience was huge for this beautiful November afternoon; it will be a box office bonanza! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
Before we get started, we need to take care of some business - my business. If the 'Stros are in the World Series, I gots to go. But I do not have a ticket, so that's where you people come in. I know some of you have tickets and you're wondering if I am a good enough friend for you to invite to the series, and the answer is "YES." You know that I've always liked you best. I will not be offended if you invite me at the last minute; I understand that these things can be tricky. Email or call 281-491-1300. And here is another free tip: Astros in six! Thank you in advance for your kindness.
Now back to the movie. I went to see this movie based solely on the recommendation of Wes F. who rarely makes his feelings known about flicks, but when he speaks, I listen. And he did not do me wrong on this one.
"Thumbsucker" captures the essence of many of the challenges of being 17 and trying to grow up in this crazy world. And Justin (Lou Pucci), the "troubled" teenager really does suck his thumb which is at least part of the storyline, but the real story is all about the human conditions of love, fear of rejection, loneliness, and seeking one's place in the world while not having a clue.
Justin's parents insist that he and his younger brother call them by their first names of Mike and Audrey because "mom" and "dad" make them feel old. And this family unit has many other quirks and bewilderments that seem pretty typical if the audience is willing to get out of "denial."
The screenplay is masterfully written by Mike Mills who also was the director. Benjamin Bratt, Vince Vaughn, and Keanu Reeves have important supporting roles and I'm convince that each of these "stars" signed on with this movie because it was just too good of a script to let it pass them by. I liked every character in the movie; the acting was superb. In a cast of solid performances by adults, Lou Pucci as young Justin was the shining star!
Who should see this movie? All teenagers, anyone that has ever been a teenager or hopes to become one, parents, teachers, therapists, orthodontists, and those of you that have ever wanted to make changes in your life and were scared to try. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
"Two for the Money" is barely worth the money. I didn't like any of the characters or the story. It was boring, slow and uneventful. Other than that, it was a pretty good flick!
I blame Rene Russo who plays Al Pacino's wife because she was one of the Executive Producers. Pacino and Matthew McConaughey are in the sports advising business which means they tell the betting public who they think are the best picks for the upcoming college and pro football games etc. These three are losers and I hoped they would all die quickly so I could get on with my weekend. None of them died and the movie painfully crawled to a two hour end.
You want some sporting advice? Astros in Four! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 73. Larry H.
There were four blue hairs standing in line for tickets in front of me. They were moving kind of slow but they had a glint in their eyes that reminded the rest of us that there was a day when they kicked up their heels...and where were their husbands? Dead...dead and gone. I sure hope I live long enough to make it to the movies when I'm old and "moving kind of slow." I'm gonna go to the movies every day and then take a golf cart back to the home where I will sit around and talk trash. Hey, wait a minute, that's kind of what I do now. I love the smell of victory!
This is the first Friday afternoon movie for me in weeks; it's good to be back. Today's movie is less about "History" than "Violence." If you do not respect a properly placed center mass shot to the chest or head, then you should probably pass on this movie. On the other hand, if you want to see a compelling story with excellent acting, then give this sleeper a chance.
Even if you are willing to go to this movie because it is well done, you still need to pass the macho blood test to qualify. The story begins by introducing us to a happy family of four in Millbrook, Indiana. The passive father with hair hanging down on his forehead with the "aw shucks" look is superbly played by Viggo Mortensen and his hot-bodied wife is a memorable Maria Bello. Their son is a teenager who is routinely bullied at school and the daughter is a seven year old blond with a Shirley Temple haircut. And the family business is the local diner. The setup is so Americana and syrupy that I knew Director David Cronenberg was merely getting us to relax so he could drop the "violence" hammer.
And then the shooting starts, family confusion sets in, and we have to begin to take sides as the story unfolds. Then, Ed Harris with a scarred face and milky eye, shows up in Millbrook with a couple of Mafia buddies that are convinced that the mild mannered owner of the diner has a "history" that requires retribution. Ed Harris is a wonderful scary bad guy. William Hurt, one of my favorites, plays a small but powerful role as a...I'm not going to comment on Hurt's character; you decide.
During several tense and serious scenes, the audience was so uptight, they nervously laughed inappropriately, and towards the end of the movie, a young macho man in the upper center seats blurted out a comment that he just had to share with the rest of us. This movie cooks and left the audience "moving kind of slow" as they left the theatre. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
The crowd of about 175-200 was unusually large for a Sunday night, but these folks were a not-going-to-work-school-tomorrow-post-hurricane-crowd and wanted to get out of the cabin. And so Monique H. and I thought we would take in a flick ourselves. Our timing was a little off; we arrived at theatre #16 at Loews thirty minutes before the trailers started rolling. Not to worry - we watched the arrival of a steady stream of a wide cross-section of people who were very talkative and in somewhat of a celebratory mood. Since we had some extra time, I purchased the medium size popcorn.
We all know that Jodie Foster can carry a movie and she has done it again in "Flightplan." Foster is a jet propulsion engineer working in Berlin whose husband has tragically died from "falling from the roof of our building." She and her six year old daughter are taking her husband's body back to New York for burial. They are traveling on a new jumbo jet that was partially designed by Foster so she is familiar with the intricacies of the plane. Shortly into the flight, Foster awakens to find that her daughter is not in her seat. She quietly begins looking for her, but cannot find her so she involves the crew and the captain. There is a thorough search of the plane for the daughter, and to make matters worse none of the other passengers even remembers seeing the little girl. So now the captain and the sky marshal begin thinking that this wound-too-tight engineer has gone over the edge because of grief or merely has a screw loose. Foster, however, will not let it go and continues to upset the passengers and crew in her attempts to find her "alleged" daughter.
The story develops into a genuine psycho mystery which leads the audience in several directions depending on the latest plot twist. The action is gripping and my audience was enraptured. The "Bathroom Theory" was prevalent. What, pray tell, is the "Bathroom Theory"? I've studied this theory for years and I guess it's time to share. If a viewing audience is bored, the frequency of trips to the bathroom will be higher than if one's attention is focused on the screen rather than the bladder. I've even heard this phenomenon referred to as the "Big Bladder" theory but I subscribe to the more literal interpretation. Other than a few teenage girls, no one left their seat. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
When I walked out of "March of the Penguins" I realized it was a very short movie (80 min.) and I had about an hour to kill before my dental appointment so I slipped in a nearby theatre to catch the last third of "The Great Raid."
Now mind you, I just finished a movie about a tender love story of the triumphant struggle of penguins at the frigid South Pole and this movie is set during WWII/1945 in the tropical Philippines. About 500 soldiers that survived the Bataan Death March end up in a Japanese POW camp. All will die unless there is a rescue by the US military and our Filipino allies.
As I sat down in my seat, the first scene was the execution of 10 US soldiers as a Japanese guard methodically walked along shooting the kneeling soldiers in the back of the head with a pistol. It was devastating to watch. Then the masterful "raid" on the camp was begun by the brave heroes that performed the most successful rescue of POW's in the history of the US military. The action was fast and furious with a happy feel-good ending. It was an excellent 1/3 of a movie. I might try watching just the last third of a movie again. Rock 'n Roll.
93/3=31, huh? Larry H.
I'm way behind; saw this movie last Friday and just getting around to writing a few words. Hope they don't jerk my movie reviewer pin...oh come on, Larry H., you don't even have a pin. Ok, but if I did have a movie reviewer pin, I would be worried that I was a slacker.
I went to this movie because it was showing at a convenient time near my endodontist who I had to see at 3:30 pm Friday August 22nd. Now that's a stupid time to have a dental appointment. So I picked Penguins because it was playing at Studio 30 and started at 1:00 p.m.
When I told Eric H. about seeing "March of the Penguins" he said "oh come on, Dad, it's just a documentary about penguins." (Why does everyone always say "oh, come on" to me?) But it is the greatest documentary about penguins ever made.
The setting is the South Pole and it is cold. How cold is it? Minus 80 degrees with a 100 MPH wind. Brrrrrr. Morgan Freeman is the narrator; he says very little but does it well. The penguins chirp and coo a lot or whatever is they do and I'm sure that most in the audience could not understand a thing the penguins were saying so they hired the silky smooth voice of Morgan Freeman. But lucky for me, I speak several dialects of penguin and here is the basic dialogue of the movie:
Momma penguin to the Daddy penguin: Now I've laid the egg and I'm going to roll it over to you and you keep junior warm while I "march" 70+ miles with the other moms so we can get something to eat from the sea. Take care...we'll be back in several months.
Daddy penguin's response: I'm all over this; roll that egg over here and we dads will just stand here in a huddle taking turns crouching in the rear of the pack with our backs to the wind so we won't freeze our little a**es off and you waddle to the sea and get yourself something to eat, but according to my calculations by the time you get back I will have gone about 125 days without anything to eat...I know we're penguins and God gave us some great feathers and coloring that looks like a tuxedo, but I think we should consider relocating.
Momma penguin upon her return from the sea: Ok, Big Boy, give me the egg back and it's your turn to "march" to the sea; I know your hungry but get moving...nobody said it was gonna be easy.
This is a beautiful and loving movie. I thoroughly enjoy it. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
I missed going to a movie last week because I had to work... "if you can believe that," he said with disgust. And yesterday/Friday I had the privilege of a root canal from an endodontist named Tony Z. who looked a lot like Kaysar on Big Brother 6. Tooth sore (top front), but still able to eat popcorn by piling just enough kernels on my side teeth so that I could munch the popcorn against each other then chase it with some Mr. Pibb and swallow gingerly. Then repeated the process until all the popcorn was gone.
The four grown brothers were all adopted as youngsters by a saintly woman named Evelyn Mercer who took in many foster kids and only adopted these four because no else would take them - two blacks and two whites. All were toughened on the mean streets of Detroit and have come together because Mom has been murdered in a liquor store holdup that was first reported as a gang banger robbery, and then the boys find out that their mom was actually the victim of a planned hit.
Whoever did this to Momma Mercer picked the wrong lady because her boys want revenge and they don't trust the cops to get the job done. I got teary-eyed at the funeral and then again at the boys first meal together as they ate Thanksgiving turkey and reminisced about their beloved mother. Director John Singleton had me in his grips and I knew I was ready for some major action as these four brothers were definitely going to kick some serious butt.
Mark Walberg is the hot-head dominant brother who took the lead in kickin', beatin' and killing folks. Tyrese Gibson was the ladies-man brother that knew how to use a pistol himself. The other two bros were part of the plan but their background was a rock band member and local businessman.
I totally enjoyed this movie; it was stupid and trite at times, but I didn't care because I also wanted to revenge Momma Mercer's death and these guys were classic heroes with an attitude and a gun/shotgun. I liked all four brothers and hated the bad guys. What more could a boy want from a movie? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
I tried to go to the movies at noon today which is my anointed time, but the movies out now are so weak that I just couldn't get motivated. Around 12:30 pm the staff asked if there was something wrong since I was still sitting at my desk with a "poor me" look not unlike that old red hound dog that lies around licking things. A few minutes before one o'clock and somewhat out of desperation I pull out the newspaper entertainment section from under my desk to see if I could catch a movie if I left the office immediately with the understanding that I would go see any movie that was starting right then. And there it was..."Loew's ...'Stealth'...beginning at 1:00." Not a problem; I can make that.
I got my popcorn and Mr. Pibb (still resent that Loew's does not carry Dr. Pepper, but don't get me started) and was in my seat with five minutes to spare. The opening scene of "Stealth" is pretty cool with our three young and beautiful stars (Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas) flying Stealth jets and blowing up stuff real good. It was downhill from there. Here is the good news: I think I'd have a killer time if I can get one of those fighter pilot flight suits with the straps wrapped around my thighs and laced up close to the crotch area with some more straps around the waist and chest...and I look good in red. Just ask Monique H.
Then who should see this movie?
- Folks under 35 who do not offend others by walking around without a shirt.
- 18-25 year old men or women that want to be a Navy fighter pilot
- Men over 40 that still fantasize about being a fighter pilot
- People on a first date or those who still fantasize about having any kind of a date
- Mature men that have lost their way and need to get out of the heat
I don't want to brag so I challenge you to guess which of the five categories apply to Larry H. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
I chose this movie because it got some good pub, but the choice was primarily the result of wanting to see Terrence Howard and Ludacris both of whom were stars in "Crash" the 2005 outstanding movie by Paul Haggis (grade 95). After about 10 minutes of nonstop F bombs, pimps, tricks, and everyone calling everyone else "you're my nigger," I feared that I had overstepped my spiritual well-being for the second week in a row. I will ponder my repentance later not to mention that I got an email from the preacher that he was "looking for me" last Sunday. I go to these movies to help you people so I hope I get some love for my sacrifices.
Terence Howard is DJay the pimp who is a good looking street hustler and part-time seller of "dirt weed." He lives in a shotgun house in the poor part of Memphis and has three of his ladies and one infant living with him. DJay drives a 20 year old Chevy Caprice as he dispatches his main ho Nola (Taryn Manning) who "does her hair every couple months" so her extensions will look good.
DJay dreams of becoming a successful rap performer and quitting "this business that I hate." He is full of anger, frustration, and suffers from very low self esteem. He writes lyrics on a small notepad while Nola is turning tricks in hopes of making a demo and getting his big break. His plan is to get the demo in the hands of the already-successful Skinny Black (Ludacris) formerly from the Memphis 'hood. DJay claims he knows Skinny from the old days so he is relying on Skinny to give him the opportunity that he needs and deserves to hit the big time.
DJay's philosophy of life is: "...you gotta survive...everybody's got a dream...and sometimes you gotta lie." The hook to his rap single is "You know it's hard out here for a pimp/when you trying to get the money for the rent/all the Cadillac and gas money spent/will have a whole lot of b*tches jumpin ship." You people that live in the bubble don't know too many folks like DJay, but this movie shows the tenderness and worth of a pimp from the underbelly of society. In the end I liked and understood DJay. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I thought this might be another dog and I would be punished for not seeing Johnny Depp in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Boy, was I wrong. This is one of the best trashy movies I've seen in a long time
This is a raunchy, bawdy flick that is not fit for kids. It is rated R and it should be; maybe even R+. It's a good thing that I'm in such a good place spiritually that I can see such nudity and bad language yet not be tempted by the devil.
Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are two "young" men out for a good time and they don't care whose feelings they have to step on so long as they hook up with women. They have developed their skills of landing hot, vulnerable women by attending weddings uninvited. Anybody can do that, but these two take wedding crashing to a new level of deceit and charm; they are really good at it and work by a set of rules handed down from their mentor. Their basic M-O is to stick together and say or do whatever it takes including false names and jobs.
The screenplay is hilarious, fast-paced and witty in a salacious, silly kind of way. I lol a lot. These two make a wonderful comedy team so don't be surprised if you see them paired in another movie soon. I was hooked from the opening scene when we are introduced to John and Jeremy as divorce mediators.
The plot thickens when the loveable boys attend the wedding of the daughter of the Secretary of the Treasury played by none other than Christopher Walken who is married to Jane Seymour with a Mrs. Robinson syndrome. Their single daughter with eyes for Owen Wilson is played by the lovely Rachel McAdams. The cast is funny and ideally cast, but the big kudos go to screenwriters Steve Faber and Bob Fisher. Go see this movie and then attend your local church or synagogue to ask for forgiveness. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
I just couldn't pull the trigger on "Fantastic Four" so I chose "Dark Water" starring Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly, and Tim Roth. The cast looked good to me even though I'm only lukewarm on scary shows.
The one ingredient for a good movie has not changed and never will: I must either like the leading characters or at the very least find them interesting. If I don't care about them, then there's not much a director can do to hold my attention.
This movie was suppose to be a "ghost story" and scary but since I hoped Jennifer Connelly's character and her bratty daughter would die, then I did not fear that something evil might happen to them. To the contrary, I feared nothing bad or dreadful would befall them and I might be stuck with them the entire movie. And the story was predictable and simple. At about the one hour point (I was showing the patience of Job), I decided that if Connelly found the mysterious backpack in the trash (as I had predicted) that I was leaving. Guess what she found in the trash? I left the flick in the capable hands of the three other chumps that bought a ticket to this loser. It wasn't scary; it was stupid. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
I called Mabel H. and invited her to the movies. Being the party animal that she is, she quickly agreed and put on her best "go to the show" outfit and we were off to Loew's. She looked very cute and was wearing a necklace that her brother (my uncle) had given to her many years ago. On the way to the movies she recalled when "War of the Worlds" was first broadcast on the radio. She was in high school and had been on a date with Red H. (my father) and when she got home, her mother (aka Chappie) was waiting up for her and told her all about the Orson Welles fiasco that scared the beejeebers out of the entire country. I wanted to know more about the date with Red but I let it go.
We got in our seats minutes before the movie began. The opening scene introduced us to New York dock worker Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) who is divorced and somewhat irresponsible in his life and not particularly prepared to take his teenage son and 10 year old daughter (Dakota Fanning) for the weekend while his ex and her new hubby go to Boston. Shortly thereafter, his kids get settled into his messy bachelor pad, then the earth starts shaking, weather turns crazy, lightning repeatedly strikes the same place, and general strange happenings occur throughout the world. It doesn't take long for the "aliens" to start killing people and causing massive destruction. Meanwhile Ray and his kids are on the run trying to survive the attack of the Tripod Fighting Machines. So is everyone else which makes for even more craziness.
Director Steven Spielberg does an excellent job in creating mysteries and shock value scenes that scared Mabel and me, but overall the movie was disappointing. I did not like the Tom Cruise character and he was the hero and on the screen almost constantly. I wanted to see more of the rest of the world, but Spielberg limited our perspective to Ray. Perhaps Cruise should take a few anti-depressants and all would be better. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 84. Larry H.
Herbie is a car that thinks he's a human. I know that because ole #53 the Volkswagen Beetle keeps winking and "seeing" things like Lindsay Lohan rescuing him from the scrap heap. I did not know Lohan, but I bet I recognize her the next time I see her. She is Michael Keaton's daughter, Maggie Peyton, who races Herbie in street races and I presume legit races later in the movie. Her nemesis is none other than Matt Dillon as Trip Murphy the race car driver with an attitude. I'm changing my name to "Trip".
I recommend this movie to kids. However, this old **** just had to see a movie today so I went to the only movie that was showing that I had not already seen and because Michael Keaton is one of the coolest movie stars; I want to be cool like Michael Keaton. Monique H. thinks I look like Keaton!
I always ask the ticket clerk "...when will the movie be over..." so I can plan my day and it is all part of being a professional moviegoer. So when I looked at my watch and realized that there was another hour to Herbie, I knew I was a goner. So I packed up my Mr. Pibb and empty popcorn bag and boogied. Rock 'n Roll
Grade NR. Larry H.
As I left Theatre #16 at Loew's and it was not quite 1:00 pm, I figured that I had enough energy to catch another flick. I was willing to take a chance on "Bewitched" (Theatre #17) since I love Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman not to mention Shriley MacLaine as Endora and Michael Caine as Samantha's father. How do you screw up a cast like that and a proven story? Well, the Ephron Sisters figured out a way to do it. I didn't last 30 minutes. But wait, on the way home I called Eric H. and said "...hey, Dude, you wanna drop everything and go to Minute Maid Park and see the 'Stros...I'll be home in 10 minutes...write my movie comments and then we can be downtown for the 3:05 first pitch." I'm outta here...I might have walked out on two movies, but I know the Stros will not let me down. That roof better be closed! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
DC Comics lives!
I had to wear a coat and tie today/Friday which is like killing a mockingbird - a sin. And I could not make it to Loew's until 1:30 so my day has been off kilter albeit exciting. Note: 108 degrees according to my dashboard info as I got into my car about 4:10 pm.
This latest Batman movie is first class and not like the other super-hero movies that we have become accustom to in the last decade. We have a new gauge and it is "Batman Begins" and much of the props go to director Christopher Nolan who co-wrote the screenplay with David S. Goyer. These two guys must be geniuses because the story of how young Bruce Wayne developed and acquired special skills and later became the savior of Gotham City was brilliant. I believed every aspect of this fantastic tale and loved this Batman.
The first great decision Director Nolan made was casting relatively unknown Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Go home Michael Keaton! The cast was outstanding: Katie Cruise-Holmes as Rachel Dawes assistant DA and childhood friend of BW, Michael Caine as Alfred, Liam Neeson as Ducard the mentor of the young angry Bruce Wayne, Gary Oldham as an honest cop and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox the all around good guy and knower of all things wise.
The visual effects, set design, and cinematography were monumental. The music was near perfect and the action nonstop. The Bat Mobile was to die for. When I got back to the office, I put in a call to local dealer David Taylor Cadillac-Hummer and requested quick delivery of GM's version of this Bat Mobile. I want to be the first in the 'hood to own one. It probably will be a little over my budget, but perhaps we can cut back on Eric H's college fund for UT this fall; I'm sure he and Monique H. will understand my need to own such a fine piece of machinery. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
Big budget big bust big lips big sales.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie star as secret agents that get married then must kill each other. Do they really love each other and will love conquer all? Frankly, My Dear, I don't give a damn. I'm sorry I had to cuss but Rhett Butler made me do it.
I loved the guns in this movie; might be in the Hall of Fame for Best Display of high capacity pistols and assault rifles. This married couple hid many guns in their home so only they would know the hiding places. That's the way it should be. If you see this movie, please note that Brad always used the Weaver stance when shooting a pistol while Angie employed the isosceles technique. I favor the isosceles myself, but that's just me.
The special effects were well done, but the story is still full of bullet holes. If you like sex and beautiful bodies in nonsensical shoot 'em up silly movies, then this is for you. It had a few laughs and some clever plot twists but don't confuse this flick with a real movie. I'm glad I went to Loew's today; it's way too hot for anything but an indoor sport. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 77. Larry H.
I'm running late, but I've got a few yarns. First, Eric H. (recent HS grad) and his friend since childhood Andy F. have been attempting to watch all six episodes of Star Wars today; they started at the crack of 8:00 am and plan to finish up tonight at the theatre with Episode III. I'm so gratified that the younger generation is willing to stand in the gap and take over from us older moviegoers. Makes a dad proud!
This movie is directed by Ron "Opie" Howard; he's been my dawg since "Andy Griffith" (1960-'68) so I trust Opie and never miss one of his pictures. He did not let me down on this one.
Russell Crowe is the hero playing boxer James J. Braddock during the Great Depression who has been beaten in the ring and by the economy. His wife is superbly portrayed by Renee Zellweger. Opie knew what he was doing when he cast Ms. Z because the role required a big star with big talent to play opposite Russell Crowe who turned in yet another nomination-worthy performance. Braddock's manger is Paul Giamatti who might also get a nomination for a supporting role especially since the academy dissed him last year for his stellar performance in "Sideways."
About 45 minutes into this movie, Crowe's character hits bottom which causes him to "beg" for money to save his family. He had tears in his eyes and so did I, and I said, "...alright, Opie, we can get on with business since you've got me to buy into these characters 100%." And Opie said "...hang on, Dawg, now that I've got the hook set, I'm gonna take your for a ride you'll never forget." The "ride" is the comeback of the life and boxing career of Jimmy Braddock as he fights back in the ring with the ongoing struggles of the Great Depression as the backdrop. And at his side are his loving wife Mae and three young children.
The crowd was very large for this 12:35 pm showing at Tinseltown and there was a spattering of applause as the movie ended. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
THE STORY: "A provocative, unflinching look at the complexities of racial conflict in America, CRASH is that rare cinematic event - a film that challenges audiences to question their own prejudices. Diving headlong into the diverse melting pot of post-9/11 Los Angeles, this compelling urban drama tracks the volatile intersections of a multi-ethnic cast, examining fear and bigotry from multiple perspectives as characters careen in and out of one another's lives. No one is safe in the battle zones of racial strife. And no one is immune to the simmering rage that sparks violence."
I ripped off the above paragraph from the internet. This movie was so emotional for me that I don't have the energy to write my usual piece. I had sweaty palms and deep focus the entire movie. The acting was wonderful and each actor was perfect for the many characters woven into this compelling story by Director, Producer, and Writer Paul Haggis.
All of the key members of the cast deserve mention so here they are: Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito, Brendan Fraser, Jason Isaacs, Ludacris, Thandie Newton, Ryan Phillippe, Larenz Tate, Keith David, Nona M. Gaye, Michael Pena, Terrence Dashon Howard, Daniel Dae Kim, Jack McGee. I had intended to describe the best acting performances of the movie and realized that it would be easier to say that the Best Performances were the first fourteen actors listed above.
The last time I saw a movie rated this high was on January 14, 2005, when I saw "Million Dollar Baby". Paul Haggis wrote that screenplay, too. What is he...some kind of a Spielberg genius? Go see Star Wars first because you need to get that under your belt and then those of you that can handle the emotional gut-wrenching story of the 2003 "House of Fog and Sand" mixed with the social challenges of the 1991 "Grand Canyon" should immediately go see this masterpiece! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith
I did not get goose bumps until the opening credits started rolling upward and the music was blaring, so I knew I might be crossing over to the Dark Side and becoming a Star Wars Freak. Until today I considered myself just a normal Star Wars fan but maybe The Force pulled me too far. Personally, I think I would look cool in a Darth Vader outfit. I might get one on the way home just to impress Monique H. I must be careful because sometimes that Dark Vader deep breathing scares her.
The crowd was robust for a Thursday noon showing but I was able to get my parking spot. Getting a ticket should not be a problem if you go off peak. A long, long time ago when my friend Trent B. was a teenager and still running the streets of Sugar Land, I agreed to allow him to meet me and attend the same showing of Episode I with the proviso that he could not sit by me. We have not been to another movie together until today. The man was amped up and had a funny look in his eye as he waited to go in the theatre today. I think he'd already crossed over.
George Lucas is the man! This is the sixth and final movie in the Star Wars series and he masterfully tied up all loose ends and told a fascinating new story with the ultimate special effects, sound, and music.
Do not let the rumors about bad acting and slow story cloud your thinking. The acting was not spectacular, but this movie is not about acting but about actors staying out of the way of the story that we love and yearn for. We had to have this movie and Lucas delivered. Uh oh, I've definitely crossed over. Oh well, I sure had a good time.
The main story is about the love and challenges of Anakin Skywalker and his pregnant lover Padame. The Republic is still in jeopardy and there are many bad guys and battles, but the metamorphosis of Anakin is what this legend is all about. The Jedi Knight Council fights for control with the Chancellor and early in the movie we are looking for the Sith, but it all comes back to the conflicts felt by Anakin. His teacher and mentor the great Ewan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) tries to intercede to stop the evil forces but will it be enough? Yoda and Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) return with significant roles and some of the best lines by Yoda I like. Yoda explains to Anakin that "...fearing a loss is the path to the Dark Side."
During this movie, I had flashbacks and connected with all five of the other Star Wars flicks. I am amazed that Lucas pulled it off with such a lasting style and worthy tribute to the other five movies. Trent gave it a "98" but we know how emotional he gets. Failure to see this movie will deprive you of an important part of Americana. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 94. Larry H.
I just go see these movies; I don't make them so don't get all snippy because all the movies out now are for the kids. Kids are people, too.
Well, most of them.
There were only four folks in attendance today and I was grateful for the other three. Every time they laughed I laughed. There was one ole gal sitting about five rows ahead of me that let out a belly laugh whenever Will Ferrell did or said anything even remotely funny. Her laugh was contagious. Some of the stuff on the screen was funny, but this lady with her cap on backwards and wearing a sweat suit (obviously a soccer mom) came with a sense of humor and we laughed a lot together.
Will Ferrell plays a suburban nerd father turned soccer coach so he can beat his father's team in the championship soccer game. His assistant coach is Mike Ditka of the 1985 Chicago Bears Super Bowl Champs and Ferrell's father is none other than Robert Duvall. Bobby Duval is my acting hero and this proves he'll do just about anything to be in a movie that interests him and offers a chance to have fun. Because this movie has the social relevance of...hmmm...I got it now...crazy soccer parents that live through their kids and will do anything to win especially if they have some serious unresolved emotional problems stemming from an overbearing, uncaring parent. Ouch, it's a good thing none of us suffers from that type of hang-up so let's not even go there.
About 30 minutes into the movie, I had finished my Mr. Pibb and popcorn and popped a couple of pieces of Big Red into my mouth. That gave me a buzz, but I must have come down because soon I was asleep. I woke up and realized two things: 1) I loved the lady in front of me because she was still laughing and probably woke me up and 2) the nerd coach was wearing some clothes that looked very similar to some of my duds...dang.
As I was leaving the theatre, I decided that I needed to go to the new Gander Mountain outdoor sports store and smell some gun powder to offset my movie experience. One must seek balance! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 76 S. Larry H.
There's nothing like a good 12th Century war movie where the men carry long heavy swords strapped over their shoulders like a modern-day soldier carrying an M-16 in generally the same neck of the woods: the Holy Land. This latest epic directed by Ridley Scott ("Gladiator") and written by William Monahan sets the Christians against the Muslims in vicious bloody fighting for control of Jerusalem.
In the first 45 minutes we are introduced to our common man hero Balian the Blacksmith aptly played by Orlando Bloom who is the son of Godfrey (Liam Neeson). Balian's wife commits suicide and if that was not bad enough, the local priest tells him that his wife will burn in hell. Well that really upset Balian so he runs a sword through the priest and shoves him into a fire. That did not go over well with the local village so Balian flees in an attempt to catch up with his father and fight the good fight in saving Jerusalem. Soon we find out what makes these warriors tick - they ain't scared of nothing and will kill you with a sword, staff or spear while bleeding from serious wounds. This courage or stupidity (close call) sets the stage for the rest of the movie which is dominated by close quarter combat and much blood.
Balian is confused about his trust of God and goes to the place of Christ's crucifixion to seek God's purpose and reconcile his sins. He quickly is befriended by his father's old knight buddies and inherits his father's estate and reputation. Meanwhile, King Baldwin (Edward Norton) who is a leper that wears a golden mask tries to maintain peace with the Muslims led by Saladin (Ghassam Massoud). But the age-old battle of "where do you spend your Sundays?" wages on and the Mother of all Battles to save Jerusalem looms.
The love interest is the King's sister Sibylla (Eva Green) whose husband is an instigator of war, but she has her eye on the gallant and brave Balian. One of the outstanding performances is by Jeremy Irons who plays Tiberias a trusted advisor to the king and a successful knight. The other actor worthy of accolades is the powerful portrayal of Saladin by Massoud.
This is a must see for all movie aficionados, but be warned: of the 22 people in attendance, there were only three women! The music by Harry Gregson-Williams and background singing were beautiful as well as the set design and special effects.
William Monahan wrote some classic lines for these characters: "What are you praying for...for the strength to endure what is to come. A King can move a man but his soul belongs to the man. Tell the truth even if it leads to your death. We must go to war...it is God's will. It is the Kingdom of Conscience...the Kingdom of Heaven. Peace be with you." And part of the Knight's oath: "Be without fear in the face of your enemies..."
Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I know it's only Wednesday, but I was at the EZ Tag store on a Monique mission just down the toll road from Tinseltown when I noticed that there was a noon showing of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." My friend Ed P. had called this morning raving about this flick. He'd read all five books by Douglas Adams who also co-wrote the screenplay before he died in 2001. The story originated on BBC radio in the late 70's. I missed going to a movie last Friday due to some very important business on the pistol range so I figured God wanted me to see this movie today.
Here's a hint about the cleverness of this movie: the opening theme song is from dolphins entitled "So Long & Thanks for the Fish". Within five minutes, our British hero Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) hooks up with a human-looking alien who convinces the Brit that the earth is about to be destroyed to make room for a hyperspace bypass. So, the alien and Arthur "hitch" a ride on a giant spaceship and begin their quest for life's answers and survival.
I have not read any of the Douglas Adams books, but I found myself marveling at the written word that could produce such a fantastic story with sublime wit mixed with charm and satire on the big screen. The movie's environment is a little like Stars Wars with a dash of "The Wizard of Oz" and a pinch of a Saturday Night Live sketch starring Will Ferrel as President Bush.
The movie is fast-paced even though I repeatedly had the feeling that some folks were laughing at certain jokes that I did not understand since I had not read the books. I resent that. This is a movie and the director should provide enough information for the entire audience to enjoy the show! The special effects are special.
This movie is not for everyone. I was surprised that there were abut 25 folks in attendance. Don't these people have a job? Amazingly, there were a high number of 75+ year olds in attendance. What's up with that? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
I seriously considered seeing the two "local" movies about Yao Ming and Enron, but I figured I already knew those stories. This movie directed by Sidney Pollack and starring Sean Penn as a Secret Service agent and Nicole "Too Tall" Kidman as an interpreter who works at the UN building is the first big-time movie of the new season. It is rare for an Oscar-worthy movie to debut in April and that tradition lives.
Kidman's work station is a booth above the UN General Assembly where she interprets for diplomats. She wears cool, little frameless glasses and has her beautiful blond hair cascading down around her shoulders. She looks very sophisticated and hot; just your average UN worker trying to participate in the peace process. Sean Penn also has his usual full head of hair. His hair is second only to Robert Redford. These two actors are in my Hair Hall of Fame.
Ok, so here's the deal: Too Tall Kidman accidentally overhears a plot to kill the President of Matobo, Africa, who will be speaking at the UN in a few days. Lucky for us, Kidman the interpreter has dual citizenship in Matobo and the US because she is one of the few folks that can understand the tribal dialect of the plotting assassins. She tells the authorities about the conversation that she heard, so Agent Sean Penn enters the picture to solve the case and save Kidman.
The storyline is very complicated and convoluted which creates too much of a guessing game and unwarranted gaps. This flick was interesting but not compelling. Sidney Pollack should have known this so I blame him. The magnificent acting of Kidman and Penn carried this movie as far as possible, but they could not completely save this methodical, sophomoric screenplay. But make no mistake, these two are at the peak of their craft and I enjoyed watching them work.
Sean Penn is not the tallest leading man and Pollack took great pains to make sure that he appeared not to be dwarfed by Too Tall. In one scene, Penn is sitting on a railing looking directly into the eyes of Kidman when they should have been at close range... face to face. I thought Kidman had to be over six feet tall, but I "Asked Jeeves" and he revealed that she was 180 cm. I need inches Jeeves! So I had to look that up; according my research, Too Tall Kidman is about 5' 11". That's too tall for Sean Penn, but about right for me. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
It was a close call between "Sahara" and "Fever Pitch". McConaughey v. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore and the Boston Red Sox. Now don't get me wrong...the Red Sox don't mean diddly to me but they are a Major League Baseball team and Ted Williams did play for them so I opted for baseball and love.
Jimmy (Ben the School Teacher) and Drew (Lindsay the Power Businesswoman) start dating and things are really heating up when Ben admits that he is a "Red Sox Fan." Lindsay can appreciate that a young man might love a sport, but Ben explains that he has not missed a Red Sox home game in 11 years, his apartment is completely decked out in Red Sox memorabilia, and he hangs with other guys that are also Sox freaks...and women in the past have dumped him because of his "addiction" during the spring and summer.
The previous paragraph description of a movie plot sounds lame...and it is. This movie was showing in Theatre #18, one of Loew's big venues; at the beginning of the flick there were a total of three in the audience and only two in the end. And I was one of the two. Some woman walked out and I stayed. What's up with that? The movie was painful and I would have walked out except I'm a romantic sap and small-time baseball freak which kept me mildly interested and occasionally engaged. But I'll never do it again.
This movie should go straight to video. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 74. Larry H.
Miss Congeniality 2 Armed and Fabulous
I tried to be strong. There's not much to choose from at the theatres these days. Hollywood ought to throw us a bone for the Easter weekend. But nooooo, they are holding the good stuff for Memorial Day and after. Meanwhile, those of us with a brain and a scintilla of good taste must suffer.
Here's the quick version: this movie sucked and I walked out. Ok, I laugh a little in the beginning and I'm a little sweet on Sandra Bullock; she loves living in Austin and says good things about Texas so I forgive her. But it's time to move on and let this FBI Special Agent Hart thing go.
I'm getting nauseated just thinking about "Miss Congeniality 3." Short plot for MC2: Miss United States while wearing her crown (a friend of Hart's from their former beauty contest days) and William "Capt Kirk" Shatner are kidnapped and Hart ties to save the day. And I liked the kidnappers better than most of the "good" guys. On this Good Friday I know God seriously considered answering my prayer and blowing up the movie screen and thus confirming the God Bomb Theory. (See my web page at larryharrison.com for further explanation.)
When I left Loew's and was walking to my car in my assigned parking spot, I took in a deep breath of fresh air at 75 degrees and knew all was right with the world. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
Eric H. told me to see "Robots" today because it was going to win some Academy Awards just like "The Incredibles." I don't doubt that, but I'm lukewarm on animation on a good day. I much prefer a good shoot 'em up.
I got my wish with this latest Bruce Willis plays a cop with a past that must rise to the occasion and save the day movie. "Hostage" is very intense. I watched most of the movie with my hands clasped in my lap and sitting erect in my chair. Hands were slightly sweating and I developed minor pit action about halfway through the movie. I was drained and unsteady in my gait as I exited Loew's Theatre #17. Director Florent Siri keeps the action and suspense popping from scene to scene with enough twists and bad guys that one might profit from a scorecard.
If you can't stand a lot of blood, guts, cruelty, and death, then go see "Robots." Here's the basic plot: three young men looking to steal a Cadillac Escalade from a rich guy with a swanky house in the hills of California; things go awry and before you can say "Fargo" we have a bloody hostage situation with small town Chief Jeff Talley (Willis) trying to negotiate with these knuckleheads to release the family being held hostage. But wait there' more...a lot more. This movie is very well done. Go see it unless you're an animation sissy. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
John Travolta is laughing all the way to the bank on this one. He once again plays the wiseguy character Chili Palmer. When I grow up, I'm changing my name to "Chili." That's way cool so you better "be cool."
Travolta is the big draw for this movie about the gangsta side of the music business in LA, but it has a killer cast: Harvey Keitel as a second rate thug, The Rock as a gay bodyguard, Cedric the Entertainer as Sin LaSalle, a hip hop mafia type with a bunch of jersey wearing gun totin' posse on steroids, Andre 3000 as "Dabu" who is part of that posse with a hair trigger and no brains, Vince Vaughn as Keitel's partner who dresses like a pimp and talks like he wants to be black with some street cred, Christina Milian who looks good and is the focal point of the music aspect of the "plot", Steven Tyler - enough said, James Woods who is murdered in the opening scene, and throw in James Godolofini and Danny DeVito, and be-still-my-heart Uma Thurman as Edie.
I didn't like any of the characters very much, but most of them made me laugh...occasionally. The story is dumb and disjointed and is completely driven by the numerous over-the-top characters. I started to walk out of this flick and something told me to stay a little longer. And lo and behold, Johnny T. and Uma took to the dance floor and recreated their dancing magic. The camera and lighting concentrated on Uma's dance moves more than Johnny T's which was ok with me.
The big winners in this movie are Vince Vaughn, The Rock, and Andre 3000. This movie also has the best and most close-ups of semi-automatic pistols which is the way it should be. Other than the one whack job on James Woods, these wannabe wiseguys mostly dangle their pistols at each other and threaten to break bad, but nobody's really bad which is good. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 79. Larry H.
PS: I forgot about one Russian that got whacked.
I know I'm a week late in seeing this movie, but I've been busy. Supposedly this flick sold 45 million dollars worth of tickets in the first three days. I was shocked when I read that in the paper. Now I know why.
There were about 20 people in the noon audience today which is a lot for a second Friday. Will Smith stars as the Manhattan Date Doctor that helps men get dates and treat women the way they want to be treated and he also is one of the Executive Producers so he is raking it in on this one. And it will continue to be a box office hit all the way through the DVD stage. The script is clever and it has a feel of charm throughout. If you want to see a modern-day romance, then this is the movie for you. And it's funny. I laughed a lot; some might call it a guffaw.
After the first few scenes, I thought I was going to be bored and might have to leave early, but then Smith's "Hitch" started doing his thing and the story was interesting and even hilarious when Kevin "King of Queens" James arrived on the screen as the hapless accountant who wanted Hitch's help to land a date with a rich celebrity (Amber Valleta). Meanwhile, another plot thickens with Hitch chasing his own love interest (Eva Mendes) who also happens to be a gossip columnist. The two couples weave a web of confusion and contradiction but not to worry too much in this light hearted comedy romance. Only after the movie was over did I notice that the men were buffoonish and the women were rich, powerful, and smarter...but nice in a "There's Something About Mary" kind of way.
Will Smith still sports a chiseled body and big guns which made me wonder if he ever "juiced up" with former Major League Baseball player Jose Conseco. When I was running the streets, the only 'roids we had were Polaroids and that's my story. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I had to travel inside the loop to the Edwards Grand Palace 24 near the new Lakewood Church formerly known as Compac Center. I don't like leaving the 'burbs to see my movies, but this Clint Eastwood movie is only playing in two theatres in all of Houston. What's up with that?
I even considered seeing "In Good Company" or "Coach Carter" but I followed my bud Wes F.'s advice to see the new Eastwood directed movie. Wes does not give me the nod that "...you must see this movie" very often so I made the trek to the inner city.
Clint Eastwood plays Frankie Dunn, an old has-been boxing trainer, who has had some success, but has never made it to a championship fight. Morgan Freeman is once again his sidekick and partner as Scrap-Iron who lives in the boxing gym own by Dunn. Scrap-Iron cleans and maintains the gym but does not back down from the curmudgeon owner. Dunn loses his main fighter to a more progressive manager and then a "girl" named Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) shows up in the gym. Maggie is from southwest Missouri from a town "...between nowhere and goodbye" as explained in an ongoing voiceover narration by the Scrap-Iron character.
Against his instincts, Dunn agrees to train Maggie if she does everything he tells her to do and does not ask any questions. He further explains to her that she is too old at 31 and that she is not very good. The movie then takes off at a fast pace with Maggie making much progress in the ring. Swank's body is certainly believable as a well toned muscular fighter.
But this movie is all about the relationships between these three wonderful characters. Each has a distinct connection with the other two. The character development in this movie is phenomenal. All three are complicated, tragic, and powerful yet full of deep love without being able to express it. The audience was mesmerized. I was gasping for air to calm down and my stomach was gurgling and I don't think it was from bad popcorn.
If you have any decency about you at all, (and you are a movie freak) you will stop what you are doing and go see this outstanding movie. Eastwood has become an undisputed Hall of Fame director. And the acting by these three is off the charts; glorious, spectacular...and Oscar worthy. Swank is my new frontrunner for her second Best Actress award. The screenplay by Paul Haggis, adapted from the short stories called "Rope Burn" by F.X. Toole, should be nominated. I have much more to say about this masterpiece but I will end with "Thank you, Wes." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
I wanted to see "Hotel Rwanda" or Clint's "Million Dollar Baby" but I could not get the time and logistics to work. Monique H. saw Michael Keaton, star of "White Noise," interviewed on the "Today Show" and she was all amped up to see it, but she copped out at the last minute, so I was headed to another (better) movie. But noooooooooo, I just couldn't make it work so I ended up at theatre 18 at Loew's for the noon showing of "White Noise."
This movie is about EVP's. That stands for Electronic Voice Phenomenon's, I think. Keaton plays Jonathan Rivers the architect married to a young hottie who dies mysteriously and then starts sending back some EVP's via TV's and radios to another guy who teaches Keaton how to do it. And the story gets deeper and more far-fetched as the plot thickens and the warnings from the "other side" start mounting. There are some scary moments created by sound and special effects, but the good news is that the movie is not very long - 97 minutes - and it was warm and dry in the theatre. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 75. Larry H.
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