Larry H's Movie Reviews for 2001
Index of Movies:
In The Bedroom | The Shipping News | The Royal Tannebaums | A Beautiful Mind | Ali | The Majestic | Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring | Vanilla Sky | Ocean's Eleven | Spy Game | Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone | Heist | The Man Who Wasn't There | K-PAX | The Last Castle | Bandits | Training Day | Don't Say A Word | The Others | Jay and Silent Bob | Apocalypse Now Redux | American Pie 2 | Original Sin | Rush Hour 2 | Legally Blonde | Planet of the Apes | American Sweethearts | Jurassic Park III | Cats and Dogs | The Score | A.I. Artificial Intelligence | Lara Croft: Tomb Raider | Swordfish | Moulin Rouge | Pearl Harbor | The Mummy Returns | Driven | Along Came A Spider | Exit Wounds | Enemy At The Gate | 15 Minutes | Down to Earth | Hannibal | Snatch | The Wedding Planner | The Pledge | Thirteen Days | Oh Brother, Where Art Thou | Traffic
The grading system99 - the highest grade ever given ("To Kill A Mockingbird") there has never been a 100 yet
95 - the highest grade available on first viewing
69 - means the movie was so bad that I want my money back
65 - is even lower than 69, but is the lowest available grade
W - after a numerical grade means that I could not stand to finish the movie and "walked" out
S - after a numerical grade means that I went to sleep during the movie due to lack of interest
God Bomb Theory - kicks in when I start praying for God to send down a bomb to blow up the characters and/or the scene so I can leave the theater and get on with my life.
I am not in the mood to make any Dr Pepper jokes or anything else that is cheesy. I just saw the most emotionally upsetting movie I've seen in a long time. I'm semi-enjoying the down mood that I'm in because of my reverence for the power of the cinema. I'm a professional moviegoer, but you people should not try this at home. December 31, 2001.
The title "In The Bedroom" is misleading. It has nothing to do with stuff that occurs in a "bedroom." The setting is present day Maine and when lobsters are trapped and put in a storage area on a boat, it is said that the lobsters have been put "in the bedroom." Never heard that one before.
Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek star as Dr. and Mrs. Fowler who have only one son, Frank. Frank is home from college for the summer and falls in love with the almost divorced and slightly older Mrs. Stout (Marissa Tormei). Mrs. Stout's estranged and angry husband is not too happy about it.
The summer romance ends in tragedy. The rest of the movie is about Frank's parents coping with that tragic loss. And it is an absolute heart break. I realize that since I have only one son that I took this movie harder than your average bear, but folks, this movie gets high marks for rip-your-heart-out and learn all about grieving in one easy movie.
The word on the street is that Sissy and Marissa could win awards for their performances. No offense to the ladies, but the winning performance is by the dad Tom Wilkinson. Never heard of Wilkinson? You might remember him as the ex-foreman 50ish participant in "The Full Monty."
This movie has award potential, but sometimes I need time to process my assessment. And in this case I need time to even assigned it a numerical grade and will have to invoke the seldom used NR for Not Rated. While I am watching movies, numerical grades ususally come to me in a vision and "wash over me." But not this time. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade NR. Larry H.
The Angelika Film Center & Cafe is not in Sugar Land. I called Monique H. on the way and told her "I'm headin' north on the Southwest Freeway..." in that tone that denotes that one is traveling long distances. The "Film Center" is in downtown Houston for the uninitiated; in the shadows of the federal courthouse and across the pasture from Jones Hall. I was having a bit of trouble finding a parking spot when I noticed "Valet Parking." Screeeeeech. That's the sound of my tires making a quick turn to pull in directly in front of and about 20 feet from the ticket counter. Best five bucks I ever spent. Stopped at the concession stand and noticed that they serve National Hebrew Hot Dogs. Can't get those in Sugar Land. But I ordered butter popcorn while quickly glancing at the menu and lo and behold among the many soft drinks was DR PEPPER! I casually ordered a medium DP hoping that nothing would go wrong. I grabbed a straw in anticipation, ripped off the paper covering and patiently waited. The attendant set the drink before me and I reared back my right hand in a big sweeping motion and slam dunked the straw into the heart of the plastic top with such force that small children were afraid. I took a giant slug and in an appreciative stage whisper said "...come to Papa!"
"The Shipping News" is another showcase for the directorial talents of Lasse Hallstrom ("Chacolat" and "The Cider House Rules"). And the immense talent of Kevin Spacey who continues to rack up outstanding performances. Spacey is Guy Quoyle. I picked up on the character's first name by watching the closing credits because Quoyle (pronounce "Coil") is what everyone called him and the Quoyle Family and their history and secrets is central to the story. A Pulitzer Prize story about Quoyle who has a "quickie" romance and is married to a skank (Cate Blanchett) in upstate New York. She tragically dies and leaves the quiet, unassuming, hapless Quoyle with a young daughter to raise. Enter Dame Judi Dench, Quoyle's aunt, who convinces Quoyle to relocate to a small coastal town in Newfoundland which is his ancestral home.
They move into the very old and dilapidated Quoyle family house located on a bluff over looking the ocean. No electricity and vacant for years. The house is held in place with long cables. "Storms can come up pretty fast around here." It is cold in Newfoundland. All characters wore at least a sweater in every scene. One of the favorite delicacies of the locals is a "...a squid burger and an order of fries." It is a fishing village and lot of the families have lost loved ones to drowning. Water and drowning are big deals is this story. Having your own boat "... built by Alvin York" is also a must.
The greatness of this movie is in the simple telling of a tale about folks that struggle in life to find their place in a community and enjoy some peace. And finding that peace must take a path through much pain and fear. And jealousy, resentment, love, insecurities, secrets, friendships, rejection, and sadness. The usual stuff.
Quoyle works for the local newspaper as a "journalist" and is allowed to write a weekly column about the local ships/boats and their history: the shipping news. The love interest is played by Julianne "Freckles" Moore who runs the local daycare center in her home. She has a past and pain to equal Quoyle as well as a young son so they are a natural attraction. If you have been complaining that this year's movies have been lacking in a good 'ole pull-on-your-heart-strings flick, then you are in luck. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
If there is a genius in this movie, it's the writing by Director Wes Anderson and Co-Star Owen "Nose" Wilson. Every scene, set, and sentence uttered a is spoof of something or someone. The bizarre behavior of the wonderfully dysfunctional cast is quite bawdy and bodacious. That is accurate if you think it odd for a brother to fall in love with his adopted sister, kiss her with deep tongue, and attempt suicide when partially rejected by her.
Gene Hackman is Royal Tannebaum who is estranged from his family (Angelica Huston -wife and kids Ben Stiller, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Luke Wilson) and has lived in a hotel for 22 years. He's broke and he decides it is time to go home to make amends and get a place to sleep. Royal was once a prominent attorney, but was disbarred in the 80's, drinks heavily, smokes often and has no friends other than the family's Indian butler. All characters are whack; that's worse than just plain dysfunctional. These people are deeply demented. The characters on "Soap" could learn a thing or two from the Tannebaums. Other players are Danny Glover and Bill Murray. Great cast. Costumes of note.
There are rumors about a nomination for my man Hackman. I think not. He is the tail that wags this dog, but he could do this part in his sleep. It's the writing stupid! I laughed often and hard. I want to see this flick again, soon. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
Going to a movie the day after Christmas is a lot more crowd friendly than Christmas Day. There were only 18 in attendance at this 10:45 AM showing of "A Beautiful Mind" and therefore no one was sitting near me. And I got my assigned parking spot. Need I say more?
Russell Crowe plays John Nash, a PHD from Princeton who is a genuine genius. Nash's life from 1947-1994 is the subject of the story which means Crowe is on the screen 95% of the time. We are treated to the outstanding acting abilities of The Gladiator yet again. Can he pull a Tom Hanks and win back to back Best Actor Awards? Yes.
Crowe has been touting Ron "Opie" Howard as a Best Director nominee candidate. Opie and I (and Ali) have all been friends since the 60's so I am pulling for him. However, Crowe will probably win and Opie will have to be satisfied with a nomination. The movie is a tribute to a combination of a great director and actor. Crowe's performance is so strong that his on-screen wife, Jennifer Connelly, also deserves a Best Supporting Actress nomination. Ms. Connelly (Nash) caused me to increase my appreciation for Ms. Monique.
The story of Dr. John Nash begins while he is still in graduate school at Princeton and he explains to his "roommate" that he is "very balanced...he has a chip on each shoulder." I'm using that line! Young Nash does not get along with his classmates or with girls because he believes "people don't like me." Nash appears to be headed for a brilliant career as a professor/government "researcher" worthy of his mathematical prowess and original thinking when he is hospitalized for schizophrenia paranoia. Much of the plot involves this aspect of Nash. The quirks, challenges, and paradoxes portrayed by Crowe's Nash conjured up thoughts of Hoffman's Rain Man and Nicholson's R. P. McMurphy.
This movie apparently will not be a box-office hit until March when the nominations are well known. If you want to be on the inside track for the AA's, then go see this movie and act like you are the one that first "discovered" it. I do it all the time. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 94. Larry H.
Ali! Ali! Ali! I use to chant that with the best of 'em in the 60's. Cassius Clay turned Muhammed Ali was one of my sports heroes. He was bigger than Babe Ruth and Michael Jordan because his out-of-the-ring persona was almost as big as his championship fights. He helped shape the crazy generation that cheered for him and mourned when he was arrested, dethroned, and then won again. And that's what the movie is about.
The story captures the 60's and 70's; cars, music, clothes, and attitudes. Making a movie about a living legend, however, is a daunting task and this movie unfortunately did not live up to my expectations. When I told Eric H. that I was going on Christmas afternoon to see "Ali," he commented that it should be a great movie because you can't miss with Will Smith and Ali. I agree that it was not a "miss" but it wasn't a "hit" either. Will Smith deserves serious consideration for Best Actor, but the movie was too biographical for me. Ali and I use to have fun together and I wanted to have a last hurrah with The Greatest I did not enjoy the film even though I appreciated seeing the behind the scenes aspects of the Champ's life.
The audience seemed to be enchanted with the movie and the theatre was crowded. I had to sit between two people. Yikes! Luckily, neither touched me...much. Jamie Foxx was outstanding as Drew "Bundini" Brown. Now there is part of the problem - while Brown was one of Ali's important corner men, I don't care too much about "Bundini" and his part was far too big for my taste. Ditto for Mario Van Peebles as Malcolm X. We all know that the Muslim faith and the Nation of Islam were very important to Ali, but for a while (45 minutes) during the movie it turned into the Malcolm X picture. Ron Silver's Angelo Dundee was very limited. What's up with that?
While in college, I use to listen to Ali fights live on the radio and we hoodlums would hollow "Ali, Ali, Ali." And that was fun. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 84. Larry H.
Time short. Must type fast. Saw movie on Friday. Now Saturday A.M.. Must go shopping with Monique. Oh boy! Christmas slow. Been good; many gifts.
Jim Carrey good; not great. Very Capraesque. More than a Capra movie. Sappy. This is what sap wants to be when it grows up. Sugar coated patriotism. Nice story; everyone happy. Most of the time. Martin Landau cry; Larry H. cry. Carrey can't remember name. Town "adopts" him. Circa 1951 - post W.W.II attitude - 62 hometown boys killed in war; need Carrey's character to "...just walk into town." Rebuild local theatre "The Majestic." Everyone loves movies!
James Whitmore's character is very old with crinkly face. Came late; had to sit near very old woman ("Granny") with crinkly face. Fifteen minutes into movie Granny rips an eight point burp. Followed by about a four pointer. She never changes her expression or stops eating popcorn. Larry H. becomes emotional because sadness on screen, but Granny make Larry H. laugh. Granny now violently shaking popcorn to spread salt. Wonder if Granny about to make other noises. Larry H. laughing now.
Go see movie because "It's A Wonderful Life." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
I successfully left the courtroom unusually quick this fine Wednesday morning and I took that as a sign from God to go to the opening day movie starting at 10:30 am at No DP Loew's. While I appreciate the suggestion by my many of you people to smuggle in a flask of DP, I decline. At least they still sell milk duds and popcorn.
I was first introduced to J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth, Hobbits and the like in the early sixties when one of the smart kids (Karl K.) gave a fascinating book report to his fellow elementary students. The subject matter of good and evil and swords, monsters, and arrows was so intriguing that I still remember parts of his report. I must not be the only one who remembers because much to my surprise there were 100+ folks already in theatre #16 when I arrived early at 10:25 am. Who are these people? Don't these adults have real jobs? I had a pass from God; surely these people were just playing hooky to see a story that had previously captured their youthful imaginations.
The ring has the power to "rule them all." The first fifteen minutes of the film covers 3000+ years as a quick background on the importance of the ring and the ultimate evil result if Sauron, the Dark Lord, reacquires the ring. Our young hero Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) begrudgingly takes possession of the ring and attempts to return it to the land of Mordor. The real story is about the trek by Frodo and his "fellowship" to return the ring to Mordor without giving up the ring to Evil. And I mean Evil with a capital E. These bad guys are "evildoers." Hobbits, on the other hand, are fun-loving folk who are short with hairy ankles and feet. But they are cute in an Elijah Wood kinda way. There is also an assortment of elves, goblins, and fire-breathing Ark-of-the-Covenant type monsters
The now famous good wizard Gandalf was superbly played by Ian Mckellen. His beard and costume were vivid and powerful as were the those of the other characters This is a beautiful movie. We are treated to large quantities of information in this almost three hour movie; $100 million worth of information and much of that money was obviously spent on set design and special effects. And the sound track will become a classic.
Supposedly the producers have the remaining two installments/movies already in the can at an additional $200 million. During this movie I decided that I would sell all of my Enron stock and buy New Line Cinema shares. They are going to make a mint. When I left the theatre at 1:35 pm there was a line of 75 people waiting in the hallway eager to take over for the next showing. Many of this next group were high school students that looked like they knew how to read.
Elijah Wood has sealed his career forever with his sterling performance. And the rest of the cast of Ian Holm, Viggo Mortensen, Liv Tyler, Cate Blanchett, and Orland Bloom were excellent. Memo to my bow hunting friends: The Bloom character, Legolas, is the greatest archer on earth...er in Middle Earth.
At about the two hour mark, the action and my empathy with the characters was so intense that my hands started sweating out of shear fear of monsters and heights. The cinematography and editing are dynamite! Director and co-screenwriter Peter Jackson is my new hero and I am confident that he should make plans to rent a fancy tux for the big show next spring. The nominations will be in excess of six. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 94. Larry H.
Before I tell you this is a "must see" movie, let me tell you some sad news. Loew's at the Fountains is now selling Mr. Pibb instead of Dr. Pepper. My life is over as we know it. When informed of this little tidbit while ordering my usual popcorn and DP, I might have copped a 'tude and said something caddy about Loew's being no better than AMC and their exclusive contract with Mr. Pibb. Man, I'm gettin' steamed just typing this. There're not going to have me to kick around much longer - what with the soon-to-be searches of my person and now this. If I build a quaint little theatre down the road, will you people come? We'll have DP and BBQ. You know I've always wanted my own theatre; the timing might be right! When you talk to folks on the street about this movie, they will invariably tell you that they can't tell you much about the story or it will ruin it for you. And they are correct. But I can tell you that it is an emotionally riveting story that never stops beginning (one of my favorite movie compliments.) Note: explicit sex scenes and some nudity; director/writer plays mind games.
Tom Cruise stars as a rich playboy and all the young women swoon at his very presence. Not much of a stretch there, huh? Wrong academy award breath. Cruise is spectacular in this part. His love interests are Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz. Both of these women turn in outstanding performances because of their characters' interplay with Cruise. Cruise dominates the story and the scenes, but his co-stars Jason Lee and Kurt Russell also shine because of him
Cameron Crowe as director and screenwriter will be nominated as well as some if not all of his cast. This is a story that is ideal for the big screen and the lure of movie magic flashbacks. If you have been complaining that this has been a weak year for movies, be patient my son, the time has arrived for the exciting period when all the biggies start to appear in a theatre near you so they can qualify for the Academy Awards. This period lasts from today (December 14th) until January 18th. As a reminder, any movie that opens at least in New York and LA by December 31st qualifies for the awards. I think the academy should add Sugar Land to that list, but what do I know, I can't even get a decent Dr. Pepper. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
Ocean's ElevenThis is a loose remake of the Frank Sinatra/Rat Pack movie of the 60's. This time Danny Ocean is played by George "I'm the Cutest" Clooney and his first lieutenant is Brad Big Bucks Aniston-Pitt and the love interest is Julia "Big Lips Brockovich" Roberts. The other cast members are: Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Casey "Graveytrain" Affleck, Scott Caan, Elliott "M.A.S.H." Gould, Bernie "Who?" Mac, Carl "I'm Old" Reiner, and Don Cheadle. What a wonderful cast! Too bad the movie isn't.
This flick is markedly mediocre. The plot is simple: Ocean gets out of prison and gets ten other guys (Ocean's Eleven) to help rob three Las Vegas casinos. It's a mild cross between Mission Impossible and The Magnificent Seven. I say "mild" because everything about this movie is bland. The music should only be heard in an elevator not a star-studded big budget Steven Soderbergh production. This movie should have been named "Ocean's Six" because it's about five units shy of a full deck of MGM Grand certified blackjack cards. If you are a woman, tell your significant other that he must see this really cool action-packed movie that has bombs and stuff so he will take you to a movie and a dinner and then you can drool at this eye candy-hunkfest. If you are a regular human, go Christmas shopping. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 79. Larry H.
The "Spy Game" is lame. Robert Redford and Brad Pitt teamed up for this movie for the most honorable of intentions: they wanted to have a Hair Off to see who would be the reigning Hair King. You decide; I do not care.
Brad was sitting around the house about 18 months ago discussing life with Jennifer "Rachel" Anniston-Pitt and the conversation went something like this: "Brad, you are such a hunk and we just had that million dollar wedding and all... and I think what you need to do now is star in a movie with Bob Redford and then your career will be set...and they will quit saying those mean things about your acting ability...and I am confident that you can win the Hair Off." And Brad said "...yeah, you're right, Pumpkin, this spy movie could be the one... and you are a hunk-babe yourself."
Did I mention that this movie is Pitt-iful. Poor Rachel. I know she was trying to look out for her boy, but I have to blame her somewhat because she is smarter that he is and she should have known that this movie would be a stinker. Redford! I don't know what the heck he was thinking; he needs to call Paul Newman and try to hook up with him to see if they can do a movie about two nice guy train robbers and get BJ Thomas to sing the theme song. Ah, rats, that's already been done.
Redford and Pitt work for the CIA circa 1975-1991. Redford is retiring from being a spook after 30 years with The Company and darn the luck on his last day Pitt goes and gets himself captured and arrested by the Chinese. Some political problems and Brad Baby is set to be executed at 8:00 am the next day. So, Redford's character is tasked to trick the CIA so Brad will be saved. What pray tell will possibly happen? The suspense was killing me...and boring me. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 70. Larry H.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
It's 8:30 am November 16th and I am at Loew's Theatre #2. I know that's early, but I got to the office at about 7:40 am and decided "what the heck," I've done some work already - must be time to go to the show; I know it's Friday. Loew's has a Harry Potter showing every 30 minutes and theatre #1 next door had one starting at 9:00 am. Our crowd was about 28 hardy souls. A surprising amount of school age kids. How do you get out of school to see a movie at 8:30 am on the Friday before Thanksgiving?
Yesterday I was not sure I was going to see this movie; told a friend "I don't do voodoo!" That friend, Raleigh J., admitted that he had read all the books and was expecting great things from the movie. Such anticipation and enthusiasm coming from a middle-aged, beer drinkin', East Texas huntin' home boy surprised me. So I started thinking that perhaps I would go. My friend, Charlie C., a card-carrying bench-jumping Christian told me it would be ok since these things were just fantasy. When I realized that they were opening the gates at 8:30 am, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to catch a flick so early. Seemed like I was beatin' the system. So off I went.
This is a kids movie plain and simple. Sure Harry Potter is a full blooded 24 carat wizard who is accepted into the premier school "Hogwarts" exclusively for witches and wizards, but the story is about kids learning about life - loyalty, friendship, courage, fear, battle, good and evil and yes even love. Harry has been orphaned and left to live with his hateful aunt and uncle; he escapes this terrible plight by going to Hogwarts. Before going to Hogwarts he must buy school supplies; you know the usual stuff - a magical wand etc.
The movie is very artfully produced with first rate special effects with music by John Williams. This story is reminiscent of Cinderella, The Wizard of Oz, The Hardy Boys with a heavy dose of Star Wars. Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter is excellent displaying the innocence of The Beaver, the cuteness of Opie Taylor, and the sharp mind of Doogie Howser, M.D. But I did not like any character in the movie. As a general rule, I do not like kids movie. But the kids of America will like it and it will make a ton of money. When I returned to my car at 11:20 am, parked next to me were four school buses from neighboring Stafford school district which caused me to comment out loud "lordy, they're busing 'em in." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 76. Larry H.
It's Friday November 9th, opening day for "Heist." I arrived on time to see the first showing at my favorite theatre - Loew's at The Fountains. As I was buying my ticket I looked to my right and saw the manager seated behind the counter near the concession stand typing on his computer. He likes me a lot and gives me a nod whenever he sees me. A sure sign of friendship if ever there was one. Since he is on my way to theatre #12, I stop and inquire in my nicest and most skeptical voice, "hey, how ya doing, I heard a rumor on the internet that Loew's was going to start searching people for pocket knives and guns...any truth to that?" I just love to mention that I heard something on the internet because we all know that the internet is full of it, but something told me that maybe this rumor had roots. The manager, while hanging his head hounddog-like, said "...yeah, we're just waiting on the memo..." I was stunned and said in my most official kiss-my-foot attitude, "you have got to be kidding...I don't like that at all...I am adamantly opposed to that." He retorted "...well, we are only going to spot search people." I don't know what I said after that. It took me thirty minutes to shake it off during the movie before I could fully concentrate on the flick. Anger diminishes my movie-watching skills. You can tell that I'm completely calm now.
I am willing to give up my parking spot which was appropriately reserved for me today. I hope it is not the last time I park at Loew's, but it might be. Bummer.
This terrorist trash has gone too far. Loew's theatres in Stafford, TX. I ain't happy.
I will try to tell you about "Heist." Ah, fahgettaboutit. I can't. The movie is pretty good. Go see it if you liked "Mission Impossible," the TV show not the movie and "The Sting." Gene Hackman at age 71 appears to have made a deal with the devil; the boy still looks pretty good. Danny Devito is good as a second rate hood. Well written with more twists than a bowl full of pretzels. I know that is a trite analogy, but for a guy that is "completely calm," I'm a little on edge. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
This is a Billy Bob Jolie-Thornton Coen Brothers movie so I had to see it even though I had to travel to the inner city of Houston for the "exclusive" showing of "The Man Who Wasn't There" at Landmark's River Oaks. I drove around for over five minutes looking for a parking place (none was reserved for me) in this metropolitan theatre (3 theatre "complex") that was built over 50 years ago and luckily ended up parking within 25 feet of the front door. When I parked I could see the face of the ticket booth clerk and I turned to my dog and said "...hey, Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." When I paid for my ticket, the clerk struggled to make the "automatic" ticket come out of the dispenser, but finally he got down on his knees and opened the side panel door and stared helplessly into the obviously jammed apparatus. The "clerk" was over forty, a tad disheveled and had his cap on backwards He got back in his chair and without missing a beat, tore off an apparent generic ticket stub and gave it to me and grunted that the movie was "upstairs." The movie was in the main theatre downstairs, but I appreciated his attempt to point me in the right direction.
Billy Bob plays Ed Crane, a barber in 1940's California. He does not like being a barber in a 200 square foot shop owned by his brother-in-law. There are three barber chairs with foot stools, but only two barbers. Ed is married to Doris (France "Fargo" McDormand) who is doing the hoochie goochie with her boss Big Dave (James Gandoifini) who is married to the owner of Nerdlingers department store. The movie is in black and white which can be cool.
Ed does not mind being "second chair" in a small barber shop; he minds being a barber. Ed does not talk much which is convenient since everyone enjoys talking to him and sharing their dirty little secrets. Ed chain smokes non filter cigarettes in a slow methodical manner. Ed does everything slowly and methodically. It's as though Ed is not there! But Ed gets in lots of trouble.
Billy Bob's Ed has the dimwitted look of Boo Radley, the rugged good looks of James Dean and the fashion eye of an out-of-work aluminum siding salesman. This movie is pure Coenesque meaning the story written by the brothers revels in existing as far out on the edge as possible and still attract mainstream. Excuse me, River Oaks as an "exclusive" showing in not exactly blockbuster material. This movie should be shown to college classes and let them analyze it and tell the rest of us about the greatness of the film and the Coen Brothers. For me, I could hardly stay awake. But for Billy Bob, I would have walked. This movie should be seen on a rainy Sunday afternoon on video. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 76. Larry H
I know if Prot (long "o") was from outer space and I ain't tellin'. Kevin "Spacey" changed his last name to "Spacey" just for this movie. That's a lie, but it would have been a good story were it true. Spacey plays Prot the K-PAXian who is in a New York mental institution helping the other loonies with their therapy and the meaning of life all the while claiming to be from the planet K-PAX (all caps) which is about 100,000 light years from earth. Prot is 330+ earth years old. But he looks like Kevin Spacey. Now how can that be?
The shrink that is tending to Prot is Jeff "Starman" Bridges, one of Lloyd's boys and an early favorite to be voted in the Robert Redford Hair Hall of Fame. Bridges' character has a good heart and wants to help Prot with his "delusions" of being from outer space. Prot claims he his leaving soon to return to K-PAX and must finish his report before he leaves. And he tells the other patients in the institution that "only one" of them can go to K-PAX with him. They are very jazzed up at the notion of "leaving" with Prot and vie for his approval much to the consternation of the hospital staff.
Spacey's acting is superb yet again. His body language and costume are worth the ticket. Perpectual three-day growth and sunglasses. The story is suspenseful and kept the audience wondering if Prot was for real or just yanking everybody. Bridges is quite adequate and lends needed credibility to this flick. The audience laughed in all the right places which is a sure sign of a good movie. Notice the lighting throughout the movie.
Now it is time to complain. I saw this movie last Friday night on opening day and am just now getting around to writing this review on the following Thursday, November 1st. My timing has been pitiful. My friend Dianne W. warned me about going to First Colony AMC on a Friday night, but I was desperate and even took Monique H. who sat by me and talked. Obviously her previous probation period was meaningless. I plan to go to the movies tomorrow around noon and get back on my routine. Wish me luck. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
Robert Redford has been out of commission for a while at least on the acting front. In anticipation of this prison/military movie I added Milk Duds to my regular diet of popcorn and Dr. Pepper. That's a sweet combo. Mix the duds with the popcorn in the same mouth full. It will set you free and just when you don't think you can take anymore, then take a big hit of DP. Man, can things get any better. Got my assigned parking spot. If you doubt the authenticity of my "assigned" parking spot at Loew's, please check the web page at http://www.larryharrison.com.
In 1998, I wrote about Redford's last movie "The Horse Whisperer" by describing him as "...he's 61... but his hair is only 30." That was a good line back in '98 so I thought I would share it with you again. Quoting one's own reviews from one's own web page makes one a genuine wannabe movie reviewer thank you very much. This time around, Redford is 65 and his hair is still only 30; how does he do it? And for you over-forty girls out there, the boy has a couple of shots with his shirt off and he still looks good. Not as cute as The Sundance Kid, but still leading man material.
When his shirt is off in The Last Castle, which is a prison for soldiers convicted of crimes worthy of the Dirty Dozen, we see that his back is badly scarred from torture he received as a POW in Vietnam. Redford's Lt. General (three stars) Eugene Irwin also fought in Desert Storm and Bosnia. He is a war hero thrown into prison with run of the mill military felons. The prison is run by a commandant that rules with an iron hand and a lead brain. Killing a few inmates is acceptable to this idiot colonel if they get out of hand. Mr. Irwin, as he is referred to in the prison, does not like what he sees and organizes the prisoners into an uprising. Could have been a compelling story, but it's not.
The director tried to invoke patriotism which would have been a fortuitous plot, but this movie was not patriotic, it was pathetic. Shame on you Robert Redford. The action was slow, dialog uninteresting, and the story line was sappy and silly. But the Milk Duds were awesome. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 74. Larry H.
The casting is superb. If Director Barry Levinson wanted two "bandits" for his movie - one a borderline suave, handsome rogue with an ego the size of a federal prison and the other a "cute as a beaver" intellectual with a distinct case of hypochondria, then his choices of Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Jolie-Thornton were nails. And Cate "my hair is very red and I'm a skank" Blanchett was not a bad move either. The two boys break out of prison in a cement truck and start a new career of robbing banks by taking the bank manager hostage the night before the robbery so the actual robbery will be easier with the "help" of the manager. This is a comedy. And I ate too much popcorn to make up for my recent miscalculation.
When I told my local bank officer, Walter R., about the bank manager angle, he seemed a little taken aback. Don't worry, Walter, these robbers are probably not coming to Sugar Land, but I would not answer my door if two men show up with really dorky disguises and have a hot redhead waiting in the car. You see, Cate ("Kate") joins/is kidnapped by the robbers and you know what happens when you get two boys and a girl hooked up in bank jobs.
Joe (Willis) is macho and decisive; Terry (Thornton) is timid and thoughtful. Together they make one wonderful man. Terry reminds Joe that taking the woman hostage was a "mistake of epic proportions." But Joe reminds Terry that their plan to build a resort in Mexico with the stolen loot is still a go, and Terry reminds Joe that he has some serious "sanitation issues" about living in Mexico.
The trio with their goofy young getaway driver garner a nationwide reputation and a $1 million bounty after successfully robbing several banks. At times my laughter was big and at one point I laughed so hard I began coughing (I hate that). And at other times the movie falls flat whenever the action slows and the scenes become serious. These slow segments hurt the movie badly. Billy Bob and Cate turn in outstanding performances. Bruce does his usual coy smiling; he's cool. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85.5 Larry H.
Denzel, Denzel.... has gone over the top with this latest character that exemplifies an intensity and evil normally reserved for the devil. Washington plays a street seasoned L.A. cop, Alonzo Harris, that heads up an elite undercover narcotics team that doles out their own brand of justice for the bad guys. If a few punks gotta die and pay a "tax" to the man, so be it. Ethan Hawke ("Jake') is the rookie being trained by Alonzo; the movie takes place during the first day of that training.
Alonzo drives a black Monte Carlo with loud dual mufflers and lots of gold jewelry to finish off his drug related black leather outfit. He walks, talks, drinks, and smokes like the street thugs because he claims you gotta "...be a wolf to catch a wolf...and save the sheep." Denzel's Alonzo will redefine undercover cops that are mean, tough, and questionable not unlike Eastwood's Dirty Harry. I did not say that Denzel's willing-to-do-anything-ends-justifies the means kind of cop was like Dirty Harry because Eastwood's Harry could pick up a few pointers from this bad to the bone Alonzo. On the other shoe, Jake the young cop that rides around town with the hip-hop fast talking Alonzo tries to serve as the audience's conscience. You judge his success.
Quentin Tarrantino could take some violence lessons from director Antoine Fuqua. Did I just say that? Yeah, it's true; this is a violent, bloody, hateful story. But good in a squirm in your seat fashion. I saw more than one person in Loew's theatre #18 make that little move where one puts their right elbow and left hand on the arms of the chair to quickly push up and shift to relieve some of the tension and get their own blood flowing again so additional suspense and action can be absorbed. Good guys???? Bad guys???? It's a very close call. Watching this movie is an exercise in altered emotions. If you want feel-good stuff, stay home and watch replays of Barry Bonds hitting his 70th home run or watch the Astros season finale in St. Louis. I'm sorry I mentioned the Stros; fuhgetaboutit.
Denzel has an excellent shot at another nomination as does this film. I did not love this movie, but I give it props for being well made for its intended purpose. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
I made a mistake in my calculations. I ate too much for lunch and was unable to eat all of my popcorn. I was afraid that such an act was a bad omen and that I would not be able to finish the movie. Not!
If you like a thriller with a lot of action with engaging characters then you will be able to stay awake during this flick. If, however, you choose to hang around outside in the greater Sugar Land area instead of going to the movies, you most likely will fall fast asleep because the weather on this fine September Friday is a major hammock environment. It's Chamber of Commerce weather: high of 82 and a low of 58; no clouds and low humidity. No wonder I had to go to the movies. I needed an inside sport.
Michael Zeta-Douglas is a psychiatrist in Brooklyn in private practice with a beautiful wife (Famke Janssen) and an adoring 8 year old daughter and as a sure sign of his success he drives a Land Rover. He's a nice guy and about to celebrate Thanksgiving 2001 when his daughter is kidnapped by the bad guys who know his every move because of hidden cameras etc. The bad guys do not want money; they want Dr. Nathan Conrad to persuade one of his 18 year old female patients (Brittany Murphy) to divulge a six digit number. "What's the significance of the number?" asked Dr. Conrad. The bad guys tell him "Don't Say A Word" to the police etc and we will give you back your daughter when you give us the number....and you don't need to know the significance of the number. Which means the audience has to learn about the mysterious number along with Dr. Conrad.
Meanwhile a fox New York detective (Jennifer Esposito) with a ponytail, tight sweater, long leather jacket, and an attitude is also on the trail of the bad guys, but Dr. Conrad and others involved in this complicated (and slightly convoluted even for Hollywood) plot do not know about the police efforts and vice versa. There are numerous cell phone calls telling Dr. Conrad what to do and all the while the bad guys are monitoring him and his wife via a multiple-shot video screen. Dead bodies abound. Violence and blood flows. Some good close-ups of pistols - Glocks and Rugers The characters, good and bad, are likable which is a sign of a good movie. This flick is worth the price of admission, but it's just a standard movie worthy of a little rush of fear and to get you inside and out of this gorgeous weather. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
I had to stop off at Oshman's at The Fountains to buy some shotgun shells before the 1:55 PM start time of the chosen flick. I was running behind schedule. Movie pickins were slim today. I had heard good things about this movie from Bryan P., a senior at Clements High School. He probably went with Jennifer C. and his judgment was cloudy.
I loaded up on popcorn and DP and took a seat along with six other souls that obviously were wandering aimlessly when they too found theatre #15. The opening music was spooky; the Channel Islands 1945. The war had ended and Nicole Kidman and her two children ages about 6 and 8 live in castle type "house." They need some help maintaining the place so a nanny, gardener, and chambermaid who is mute show up at the front door. Kidman's character explains to the three new hires that all curtains must be closed at all times because her children have a rare skin disease and can not be exposed to sunlight. And each time one goes through a door, it must be locked before entering the next door. They hear sounds and "see" people. Ooooooooh, I'm real scared. Borrrrrring!
Tom Cruise was one of the producers. He and Nicole in happier times came across this script and said, "...hey, this is a wonderful screenplay and Nicole can be in every scene and we can showcase her acting talent and if the show flops, no biggie, it won't cost much to make; I have a ton of money - I'm Tom Cruise, and besides, by the time this movie comes out we will probably be busted up by then and we can give the loser in the divorce custody of this piece of crap." They really said that.
I am writing these comments on Saturday afternoon even though I saw the flick yesterday because the film was so challenging (to stay awake) that it sapped all my strength. When I got back to the office, I could not type; too tired. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 S. Larry H.
I was suppose to be in Corpus Christi today taking a deposition of a guy named Dino, but it got canceled by the dim-witted lawyer that set the date in the first place. These lawyers that work on Friday afternoons need to get a life.
Now I have to go to confession (if Catholic) because I have seen blaspheme. Sure, it was funny, but full of sex and cussin'. The old record for uttering the F bomb for a single movie was 495 and now it's 1,315. The director/writer/star is Kevin Smith ("Clerk" and "Dogma") and he should get a nomination for Best Original Screenplay. The man is demented. Not that there is anything wrong with dementia.
Smith is Silent Bob because he does not talk...much. Jay, the almost smart one, is masterfully played by Jason Mewes. The Jersey duo are on a "bogus" trip to Hollywood to stop the production of a movie about them entitled "Bluntman and Chronic." They have never heard of the internet but a character played by Ben Affleck explains to them that people on the internet have said some bad stuff about the Bluntman and Chronic characters and our hapless heroes take the comments very serious. We call them "fightin' words" in Texas. The two men/boys look like the type of guys that sit on the concrete outside a main entrance of the mall and act like they are stoned because they are. All they care about is sex and stopping the making of the movie that is about to start production in three days On the way to Hollywood they have some fun and intrigue (steal a monkey etc.) a la Dumb and Dumber.
The cameo cast is large and recognizable. Affleck also plays himself along with his sidekick Matt Damon while being directed in a movie within the movie by "Good Will Hunting's" Gus Van Sant. Oh yeah, and if you are gay, do not go see this movie because you will take a major hit. Will Ferrell is his usual funny self as a Federal Wildlife Marshall. The foxes in this movie are "international jewel thieves" and they are equally adept at kung fu, shooting a pistol, or dancing the hootchie-kootchie or doing the hootchie-kootchie now that I think about it. The dialogue is clever and rapid. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning...it smells like...Victory!" One of the main reasons I went to this movie do-over was to see Robert Duvall utter those famous lines on the big screen. Even though it apparently is showing only at Tinseltown At Westchase, I was not the only one who wanted to attempt to rekindle the fire originally created by Francis Ford Coppola in 1979; there were 200+ folks in attendance at a noon showing.
However you felt about the original film is probably the way you will react to the Redux. There are some new parts and it is now about three hours and twenty minutes, but it's still just plain 'ole powerful and cutting-edge "Apocalypse Now and Forever." My mistake was arriving with expectations too high. My take on this movie has always been that the first half was glorious and memorable and the last Marlon Brando half was too "heavy" and symbolic for me. Nothing changed; the Vietnam War was whack.
Part of the fun of this movie was watching the young cast with 22 years of hindsight: Martin Sheen as Captain Willard the Assassin, Larry (Laurence) Fishburne, the young sailor on the river boat, Harrison Ford as a young lieutenant, Dennis Hopper as a dopehead/crazy American photo journalist (no stretch there), and Marlon If You Think I Was Fat In '79 You Should See Me Now Brando as the deeply disturbed Colonel Kurtz. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade NR. Larry H.
Now you people must understand that I attended this movie only to do some recon work. Not to see nudity and cussin'. Had to see what's going on with those crazy kids today. I can now tell you. The two T's: Testosterone and Tequila.
I did not see the original American Pie, but it made a ton of money a couple of years ago. Well, the same characters, primarily five 19 year old males who have now finished their first year at various colleges are home for the summer. And lucky for them, they are able to rent this great house on the beach; everyone gets a private room, tv etc. They immediatedly put a keg on the porch to attract the babes. And plan a big party to climax the summer and the movie.
I expected this flick to be stupid and funny. I was not disappointed. Just remember that when Jim aka Petie plays a trombone at Band Camp, well, I thought I was going to have to call 911 I was laughing so hard. I laughed a lot. This show works because it's about human insecurities, especially sexual, and a deep desire by young people to "party" no matter what. I was young once and I found myself reminiscing about similar characters that I had known in another life. But I must admit that when thinking about my present-day homeys that reminded me of these young college studs, the names of Brian G, Seth M., Johnny D. and Trent B. kept popping up. Note to my teenage friends under the age of eighteen: you can not go to this movie. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 86. Larry H.
We are not talking about garden variety sin, but Garden of Eden type sin. Sin of biblical proportion; sin that would make Adam and Eve and David and Bathsheba sit up and take notice. I'm talking about forbidden love deluxe. Or is it just lust?
Set in the late 1800's Cuba, a rich coffee merchant who is as handsome and dashing as ...ah...Antonio Banderas sends to America for a mail order bride and to his surprise a woman shows up on the boat as pretty and sultry as ...ah...er...Angelina Jolie. They play Luis Antonio Vargas and Julia Russell. Remember these screen names because you probably will hear them referred to again and again when conjuring up visions of mysterious, devious love and raw sex. For pity sakes, their hair alone could cause a romantic explosion.
At least twice in voice-overs, Julia reminds the audience that this is "...not a love story, but a story about love." And Vargas explains "...that you can never walk away from love." And sadly she cries "...they will not love you for who you are." And he says "...I love you because I know you." So what's going on here? That's the magic of this movie. Love conquers all and everyone or does it?
Jolie's Julia is perfect. And for her performance she will be rewarded with her second nomination. Daddy Voigt and Billy Bob will be proud. Banderas' performance is superb, but is overshadowed by the power of the Julia character. There is a rather lengthy and explicit nude scene between these two; lengthy and graphic by today's standards. Somehow that bedroom scene seems to fit in this story of duplicitous and devilish attraction. A third piece of the triangle is aptly played by Thomas Jane.
Co-writer and director Michael Cristofer adapted the screenplay from a novel. I bet there is steam coming off the pages as originally written. The plots, personalities, and persuasiveness of the players is pretty powerful. Cristofer occasionally used the editing technique of quickly jumping from one frame to the next rather than a fluid movement. I don't know yet if I like that technique. Perhaps I will decide when I see this flick again. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
This is my second movie this afternoon. The last one was at AMC and after writing the review for "Legally Blond," I realized that it was still early so I hurried off to catch the 1:50 at Loew's. Last movie had two other people in attendance; this flick had more like two hundred.
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan are a hot couple. A couple of cops. One from Hong Kong and the other from LA. Officer James Carter (Tucker) begins this saga in Hong Kong while on vacation to visit Chief Inspector Lee (Chan). Our two heroes immediately get involved in chasing bad guys that have perfected making phony 100 dollar bills - US. Naturally the action ends up in LA. If you liked the first Rush Hour, you might like this one. I did not. But if you want more babes, bombs, boxing, and beatings then this is the show for you. The crowd seemed to laugh a lot. Some of Tucker's lines are big funny. The best line, however, belongs to Chan as the two are strung up by their hands and in obvious trouble bordering on death, Tucker whispers "...what do you think they are going to do to us....they are going to torture us for three days...I can handle that....then they are going to cut off our egg rolls...man, we gotta get out of here." Egg rolls? Must be some sort of Chinese delicacy. There will be a Rush Hour 3. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 71. Larry H.
Like you know, I really had to go see this movie because so many of you people said good things about it. Now I know how you feel when you think I get it wrong. I caught an 11:20 am showing at First Colony 24 AMC. There were two other people in the theatre. One of them was blond wearing some blond clothes. I knew I was in trouble.
Reese Witherspoon plays Elle Woods, a California sorority girl who decides to go to Harvard Law School so she can capture the love her life who is a wannabe politico nerd. If you can buy in on that story line, then by all means please go see this flick. If you are not dumb as a blond, then please go see "Rush Hour 2" which is where I am going as soon as I finish this piece. Rock 'n Roll.
Note: I am seriously considering changing my name to Puff Daddy H.
Grade 74. Larry H.
The more things change...
In 1967, the original "Planet of the Apes" was showing as was "In the Heat of the Night." Charlton Heston and Rod Stieger have aged and become sage. In 1967, Larry H. was in his final year at Bay City High School: Larry H. was a senior and has become a senior; was virile and now viral; was a movie critic wannabe and became a movie critic wannabe; had his eye on Monique M. and now has his eyes on Monique H.
This "Planet of the Apes" is billed as a "reimagining." From my sources, I have learned what reimagining really means: "...ole boy walks into the studio and says 'I imagine that we should remake Planet of the Apes, but don't call it a remake...I know! Let's call it a reimagining'.... Sounds good to me, Dog." This time the setting is 2029 plus some time warp and the action takes place on an uncharted planet way out there in space somewhere. The apes are the dominant species and the poor humans are slaves and pets. Sound familiar? Chuck Heston even has a cameo. As an ape.
The hero is Captain Leo Davidson USAF who leads the rebellion against the apes. I'm not going to mention Mark Wahlberg plays astronaut Davidson because I don't like him. You see, this is why I try not to get involved in these movie stars' personal/real lives, because I might not like them and then that will prejudice me against them and lessen my enjoyment of a movie. Going to movies is about me, not them.
Helena Bonham Carter is an ape with a conscience and thinks that the cruel, hateful treatment of the humans ain't right. She would be like a regional director of the ACLU. Tim Roth is the really mean general who would like to kill all the humans and Michael Clarke "The Green Mile" Duncan is his very large right hand man...er ape. The classic themes of prejudice, power, control, greed, love, loyalty, courage, and deceit are once again exhibited by the apes to make points about us humans. The decadent apes even seem to be getting drunk and smoking a hash pipe. Could just be my reimagination.
Make-up and costumes are slated for many awards. Director Tim Burton did an excellent job of updating the story and presenting it with modern techniques. Our boy William Broyles Jr. from Austin, TX, is credited as the main writer; I need to pick some cotton with Broyles. His brain is a valuable asset. The movie was intriguing and fast paced, but it's still just a movie about a planet of apes yanking humans. Will it be big at the box office? Yessiree Bobtail. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I had to see this movie because my man Billy "Home Run" Crystal co-wrote it and Big Lips was starring. The plot is about as deep as a pie plate. Hollywood stars acting stupid. Is it a satire or is it reality? Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas and John Cusack are the American Sweethearts-movie star couple that have broken up and Billy Crystal is tasked to reunite them using any fraudulent means necessary to get them to participate in a movie "junket" to promote their latest unreleased movie.
Julia "Big Lips" Roberts plays Catherine's loyal assistant. They are also known as the Harrison girls, Kiki and Gwen, because they are sisters. And secretly rivals. That's a lot of American Foxes on one screen. Crystal is great in his publicist role who is willing to do anything to promote the movie and save his skin. Cusack is wonderfully flawed and fresh out of a treatment center; he took the breakup rather hard and tried to kill Gwen and her Spanish boyfriend. But Cusack is on the mend and drinks "serenity tea from the wellness center" to calm his nerves and get back on track. The cast was right on. If you are a fan of Christopher Walken, you might want to rent this one just to see his shenanigans.
Crystal and his co-writer Peter Tolan have written a brilliantly funny script and probably did not have much trouble selling the idea to a studio especially when the cast was revealed. The acting and writing were superb, but the movie sucked! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 81. Larry H.
This is a fun movie. I told the staff at 11:00 am on this fine Wednesday July 18th that I was taking an early lunch and that I would "be back before one o'clock." And I was back in the office before anybody even missed me since this is only a 92 minute movie. And I really did go to lunch, sort of, if you count popcorn and a Dr. Pepper as a meal, and I do.
Executive Producer Steven Spielberg's midas touch is clearly stamped on this movie even though he dodged the job as director because it "never stops beginning." The basic story is the same: folks are terrorized by the mean 'ole dinosaurs. Sure these ancient monsters have been extinct for 65 million years and now they are "quarantined" on an island off Costa Rica so they will not cause havoc...and no one can possibly get on the island unless a young boy is stranded on the island and his divorced parents have to con Dr. Grant to go to the island and save the boy and reunite the fam. Look, if you want reality, stay at home and read a book. This is scare-your-pants-off fantasy. And I was engaged the entire movie.
I liked the characters: Sam "I'm Making A Career As a Dinosaur Expert In Spielberg's JP's" Neill, William "Former Fargo Car Salesman And Current Paint and Tile Store Owner/Divorcee" H. Macy, Tea "I May Be A Short-Haired Fox But For This Gig I Can Make Them Think I Use To Be Married To Bill Macy" Leoni, and Michael "Mouse Man From The Green Mile" Jeter, Jungle Boy that survives long enough for the calvary to come search for him and Billy the young Stud that will give the teenage girls something to think about.
The early bird crowd of 200 was very receptive to the humor and gasped with horror right on cue. At the end of the flick, there was smattering of applause. This will be a mega hit. Spielberg should make enough money off this flick to pay his taxes. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 92. Larry H.
It's still too hot to shoot a pistol match so I asked Eric H. (new holder of a driver's permit) if he wanted to go see "Legally Blond"? He said that he promised Sara that he would wait till she got back into to town to go with her; says she can relate. Chrystal is his main squeeze. That boy's got skills. We negotiated on the other movies and compromised on "Cats and Dogs". We listened to a Queen CD turned up real loud on the way to Loews. That was the highlight of the trip.
This movie is about some secret agent dogs that have more electronic equipment than James Bond. And they can talk. The cats are the enemy and they are trying to break in the scientist's laboratory to stop the cure for dog hair allergies. Some of it was cute and funny and most of it was stupid and boring. The big E and I walked about thirty minutes into the flick. We're just two boys out on the town on a Saturday afternoon and will not be denied. As soon as I finish writing this piece, we might just go get some James Coney Island and sucked down a couple dogs. Dogs that don't talk. Eric just told me "...it's raining, Dog." That's too many dogs! Maybe it is cool enough for an outside sport. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
The score for this flick should be low. Weak line, but true. I even got a haircut this morning so I would look good when I saw my two old friends Brando and DeNiro. I remember that Brando and I actually did not bond until Easter afternoon, 1972, when I raced back to college at Lamar University in Beaumont, TX, as spring break ended to see a movie about a mob family. Bobby D. and I sealed our relationship with "Deer Hunter." In 1998, I declared Edward Norton second place in the Best Actor Sugar Awards. See www.larryharrison.com for confirmation. High expectations. Low results.
The first hour and fifteen minutes of the story were slow and predictable. I figure that Director Frank Oz was bamboozled into thinking that everything was going swimmingly because his stars were turning in outstanding performances. Great acting can not carry poor writing. I will admit that the last forty five minutes were somewhat thrilling and gave me a pick-me-up, but it was too late.
Bobby DeNiro (his close friends call him Bobby) plays a thief with an extensive resume and is convinced by young thief Edward Norton and heavy-in-debt fence Marlon Brando to pull just one more heist before retirement and everybody will be happy. Brando is also heavy in bulk; 350 pounds if he's a nickel. Bobby/Nick Wells agrees against his better judgment and instincts. The last forty five minutes involve the actual robbery of the "priceless" artifact from a Montreal customs facility and provides some pretty intense moments and surprises. However, I left theatre #17 at Loew's at the Fountains unfulfilled. On the other hand, I noted that my vehicle thermometer showed the temp to be 99 degrees as I left the parking lot, so going to the flicks ain't all bad. Rock 'n roll.
Grade 76. Larry H.
Spielberg light. Not the real thing; artificial moviemaking. It was painful. The only reason I did not "walk it" was that I wanted to see how Spielberg would finish this disaster. Steven, have you ever heard of a focus group? Maybe you should have taken it on the road for a while and worked out the kinks. This is an example of a simple premise (mechanical/robot boy wants mother's love; humans are rotten) gone bad for 145 minutes. The first 20 minutes or so I thought there was hope. Gosh Almighty, Joe Friday, this is Spielberg - the Babe Ruth of movie making. He was pitching more like Jose Lima. Towards the end of the movie and the grogginess was almost overwhelming, I had a flashback that I was at the Astrodome and the Astros were losing 12-0 in the bottom of the ninth.
I got my parking spot though. My man Trent B. met me at Loew's. He's got good movie going skills so I let him hang sometimes. But he can't sit by me or talk unlike a certain Monique H. On the way to the flicks, it was pouring rain, lightning, and I got stopped by a train. Me and Spielberg were both having a bad day. I don't care if Stanley Kubrick is tuning over in his grave; (he had early involvement before he crossed over) he ought to turn over in his grave and holler "hey, Steven, have you ever heard of a focus group?...talk to Larry H. down in Sugar Land next time and maybe he can give you some helpful hints...all he wants is a ticket to the Academy Awards...just throw him a bone and he'll help you." Stanley really said that.
This movie is about...jeez do I have to tell you? I'm just too tired. Read about the story somewhere else. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69. Larry H.
I never heard of Lara Croft. Until yesterday when a bank teller ask which movie I was going to on Friday and I proudly announced "Tomb Raider" and she said "oh, the Lara Croft movie," and I quickly replied "no, Angelina Jolie." She then explained to me who Lara Croft really is. She's a video game heroine of some fame. But what does she really do (in the video games) you ask? Raids tombs, you big galoot!
I am convinced that there is only one female that could have appropriately played Lara Croft. And that actress in none other than Angelina Billy Bob-Jolie. I told you people that I was going to keep an eye on the Thorton-Jolie marriage because it scared me. I still blame Jolie's daddy Jon Voight for letting it happen; he should have known better. I worry about procreation. Billy Bob and Angelina wear a vile of each other's blood around their neck as a sign of their deep romantic love. They are quite proud of it. You gotta admit that it does have a certain flair once you get over the fact that it's disgusting and dumb as a board.
And now I am very familiar with Ms. Jolie's body because every scene has her wearing a tank-top tight shirt/outfit/uniform no matter the occasion. The director (Simon West) must have decided early that all camera angles must accent her rather large upper gifts and loose clothing should not crimp or hinder those camera shots. Good job Simon! Very professional.
Lara Croft has two mega pistols strapped to her thighs. And she shoots equally well with either hand and at the same time. The bad guys can be shooting at her with machine guns and she will pop them with those rather large caliber (?) side arms. She has wonderful combat equipment. She sleeps with a 10 inch saber under her pillow and carries a 5 inch combat knife in her boot. She knows all forms of karate type kicking and fighting and will kick your butt if you cross her and try to steal one half of the supernatural Triangle of Light which will give its possessor the power of God. Do not let the plot or story line confuse you. Just watch Lara/Angelina do her thing. And if you do not understand it this time, wait till next year and Lara Croft will be back and Billy Bob will be very, very happy with the $20+ million payday that the darling wife will command in Lara Croft II. The crowd at this 11:35 am show was diverse: 8 to 80 and all in between. Gotta love America. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H.
I was pretty sure that I was taking a chance on this flick. The most pub it got before opening day was about the money Halle Berry took for going topless for the first time on the big screen. Well, she did it - that's for sure. The complaint by some has been that Ms. Berry's "nude" scene did not lend any deeper meaning to the story. Oh yeah, I forgot about those other nude scenes in movies when big screen nudity truly brings home the message. Next.
Don't be fooled - this movie is full of Hollywood special effects, sexual innuendo, music, and the F word. And a bunch of great guns and bombs! Travolta rocks. When he was not on the screen, the movie dragged to the point that early-on I thought I might have to "walk." But about mid-way, this movie really picks up and the suspense and action is just plain fun.
John Travolta plays a seemingly evil guy that is willing to sacrifice lives for the "greater good." His character is a cross between James Bond, the Godfather, and Dr. Evil. The small thin "goatee" on his chin is classic. Everyone else in this movie is a second banana. Albeit Mr. Berry's bananas were the most noticeable. I know this is a family movie review, but I did not make her naked.
Hugh Jackman and Don Cheadle are adequate. The plot and development of characters will keep you guessing and pulling for the "bad guys" which is always the mark of a fun movie. Come on, admit it, you like to play-like you are powerful and a tad evil. Well, Travolta just plays to that mischievous, devious inner self that we pretend not to own. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
This is an important movie. Because it has the guts to push the envelope. Hollywood, always looking for a summer blockbuster of $100+ million, is not too quick to produce a big budget musical about a love story in 1899 Paris. Also important because "Moulin Rouge" will rack up the awards next spring and Nicole Kidman is now the front-runner for Best Actress. And if this flick does well at the box-office, which is iffy, the other "bold" producers will take chances on musicals because they will have "discovered" that America is ready for it.
Nicole plays Satine, the can-can girl courtesan that "sells herself to men for love." Where I come from we call that a "ho." But we'll say courtesan if that makes folks feel better. When Satine is on the screen, the action comes alive. Nicole's performance is a blend of the best of a Streisand and Madonna! Who knew she could sing like that?
The movie is nonstop music and singing. Songs from The Beatles, Madonna, and Elton John plus originals. I didn't realize that those songs were popular in 1899. That's part of the magic of this show. Special effects abound. Academy award for Best Costume is a slam dunk.
Satine may be a working girl in the "nightclub...bordello" known as the Moulin Rouge, but what she deeply wants to be is a "real actress." So she is willing to sleep with the rich duke (Richard Roxburgh) to get him to finance a musical "Spectacular Spectacular" that will showcase her talent and all the "players" at Moulin Rouge. The duke wants more that just a little lovin', he wants Satine's heart. Problem: Satine has fallen for the young naive writer (Ewan McGregor) of the musical and the forbidden love/love triangle is off to the races. Who knew McGregor could sing so well? This movie is "all about love...all you need is love." The kind of love that has the moral compass and musical madness of a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and the clever twists and tunes of a "Cabaret."
This is a beautiful movie with wonderful choreography, cinematography, and some other 'graphys that I don't even know about. Jim Broadbent as Sidler the entrepreneur of the establishment and John Leguizamo as Toulouse Lautrec turn in winning performances and have an outside shot at awards. Director Baz Luhrmann will be at the big show in March 2002. However, I repeat, this movie is not for everyone. If you have not been longing for a new grandiose over-the-top musical, then do yourself a spectacular, spectacular favor and stay at home. If you are a movie freak and want to be in on all the cool stuff going on at the movies and have already seen "Shrek," then take the plunge. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
I am now officially out of my slump. I have not been to a movie in several weeks and the last couple movies I saw were less that memorable. This movie is one of the greatest World War II movies ever made. This has been a long-awaited, much anticipated movie and luckily for us it is not a disappointment. Touchstone Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer will make back their $140 million in less than a week.
The story begins in Tennessee 1923 when our two fighter pilots (Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett) are little boys playing airplane pilot in a crop duster. They are best friends and in the next scene end up as Army Fighter Pilots just liked they dreamed. Our two heroes and their buds, who we get to know very well, in pre-war 1940 have the world by the tail and and their other hand is holding onto a beautiful army nurse. The smell of war is in the air, but the US has not taken the plunge even though Europe is getting pounded by the Nazis. The Japanese seem to be planning something, but the US is not sure exactly what the "Japs" are up to.
The young pilots fall in love with various nurses and our two heroes fall for the same one. Nurse Evelyn, the beautiful Kate Beckinsale. The setting jumps from London - Pearl Harbor - Washington DC - Tokyo. The character development is wonderful and complete. As I am starting to like and care about the characters, I am also thinking "... gee, I am going to get ripped when these folks start dying on December 7th." The movie is make-believe with a historical backdrop. A great movie is always about love, people, and passion. If you don't want these things in your movie, then go watch The History Channel or PBS, but not this flick.
The combat on the morning of December 7th took up about 33 minutes of this three hour movie and it is riveting. The special effects are superb! The nominations for this movie will dominate the technical field next spring with editing, cinematography, sound, etc. I am not sure about the acting nominations, if any, even though the cast that also included Alec Baldwin (Colonel Doolittle), Cuba Gooding Jr. (cook turned gunner) and Jon Voight as FDR are excellent.
At various times during the movie, I thought a lot about my life experiences. The love story (s) reminded me of my parents "courting" during 1940 during the year before Daddy Red H. left for North Africa, the love of a young man for Monique H., and Mrs. Betty Kelly. When I was about 10 years old, my friend's mom told me about when she was a young woman walking to church on the morning of December 7, 1941. Her father was Admiral Wright and he and his ship were at sea that day, but Mrs. Kelly was walking along the streets of Honolulu. I saw many young men and women brutally gunned down in this movie that were as unaware of the impending attack as Betty Wright Kelly. The violence, blood, and bombing is painfully graphic.
I had goose bumps early in the movie and did not tear up for at least 30 minutes into the story. The audience laughed each time Director Michael Bay expected and became intensely quiet and focused during most of the movie. Go to the latrine before entering; you will not want to miss any of the story or fast-paced action. Planning is important. I love America! And so will you when you see this movie. Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
The flick started out like a house 'o fire and then smoldered into ashes. It clawed and scratched itself into mediocrity and never let up. Brendan Fraser returns as the Indiana Jones type swashbuckler treasure hunter, but this time with a wife (Rachel Weisz) and a son (Freddie Boath).
WWF's The Rock plays the Scorpion King who has been dead for thousands of years or is that undead? Anyway, the fighting begins in the first scene and the action only takes small breaks in between the knives, swords, rifles, shotguns, pistols, bombs, spears, bugs, and scorpions. The monsters are mostly a cross between a creature out of "Thriller" and "Star Wars." You know the ones: they only have parts of a body and if you shoot them with a shotgun they blow up real good and re-configure and rise up to attack again. The combat is nearly nonstop. I liked all the characters equally. Did not really give a Tinker's damn whether they died or lived, but mostly I did not want them to do something disgusting and ooze.
Director and writer Stephen Sommers put together a well made movie if you like this sort of thing. There was a big crowd for a 1:30 pm showing so I suspect that it will be box-office hit. It just did not float my boat. So people that love Mummy Movies, go see it and have fun. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 76. Larry H.
"...it has been the worst of times." I generally refrain from making my final decision on which movie I plan to see Fridays until Friday morning. Sometimes I am pretty sure of the movie, but I like to wait until I have all the facts and then I make the decision as though the world as we know it will alter its course based on that decision. Today was particularly taxing. I considered "Town & County" starring Warren Beatty and his friends doing "Son of Shampoo," but I hate Diane Keaton. Larry H, why do you hate DK, she never did anything to you. Don't know, just do. And I enjoying hating her. It is not a sin to "hate" Hollywood stars if they truly upset you in the past. Hazekial 5:23.
I read the entertainment section closely to hone my choice. I just could not decide. I went to the office still undecided which is most troubling. Work was strained; I could not concentrate. Oh, what the heck - I'll go see "Driven" even though I know it might be a stupid Stallone movie. Maybe it will have good special effects.
I barely made it to Loew's in time to see the opening scene and credits and began eating my popcorn and feeling satisfied that I had done the right thing and now I could enjoy this movie. Stallone produced and wrote the screenplay. And he hired Burt Reynolds to play a race car owner that dresses real nice, has a tan, and is confined to a wheelchair. When we first are introduced to Stallone's character, he (Joe Tanto) is "retired" and working at home is his "garage" and he answers the phone call from Burt and I kid you not - Stallone holds the phone in his left hand, an eight pound sledge hammer in his right hand, and there is an engine swinging from a chain in the background. Oh yeah, Stallone is wearing a t-shirt and his hair is wet. Cut to blond woman crying because her race car squeeze just told her that racing is more important to him than she is. Music and the sounds of the race track are...how do you say LOUD.
I tried to maintain my composure. I'm thinking the other folks in theatre #17 must be race car freaks because they seemed interested. I pledge not to walk out until I at least finish my popcorn. I start trying to remember which movies started around 12:45-1:00. I'm not sure. I start eating my popcorn faster. I was praying that there would be a giant car wreck and the race car would flip into the stands and kill them all. Always looking for the easy way out. I figure that I saw twelve minutes of the this film. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 65W. Larry H.
And along came Larry H. with a bigger than usual bag of popcorn. I was hungry! I had stopped off at the gun range on the way to work this fine Friday. I was running a little behind schedule because I ran into three of my homeys while at the range and we had to look at each others pistols. So I did not get to eat lunch which accounts for the extra popcorn.
I was a big fan of "Kiss the Girls" which was the original movie featuring the character of Alex Cross played by Morgan Freeman. Freeman must have confidence in the script and his ability to carry the movie because he is also one of the Executive Producers. By the way, that's what I want to be when I grow up - an Executive Producer. When I make it to EP of a big movie, you people will not have me to kick around anymore.
Detective Cross is still a DC cop who specializes in profiling serial killers and the like. He's also referred to as "Dr. Cross" so he is smarter than others. So smart in fact, that he is about five steps ahead of all the other cops and detectives put together. This story centers around the kidnapping of the daughter of a US Senator. The kidnapper is very clever and challenges Dr. Cross to figure out his next move. The early action is pure formula and uninteresting. But hang on, the last 20-30 minutes have some nice twists and turns and save the movie. This not a great movie by any stretch, but it's ok for an April movie. We are again in the slow period until Memorial Day. But don't forget that last year "Gladiator" came out on May 5th. That brings up the famous quote from the former Astro's pitcher Juaquin Andujar when he said "...that can be described in just two words 'You never know.'" Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 84. Larry H.
The only "Exit" was me leaving after about an hour. I hung in there as long as I could. Between naps. Steven Seagal wounds his career yet again. Guns good. Movie bad. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 SW. Larry H.
I don't normally go to the movies on Sunday. That's what Fridays are for. But horror of horrors, I had to work yet again this past Friday. What's the world coming to? So I am at "early" church like a good boy this morning and I'm already plotting to go to the flicks in the afternoon to make up for my bad luck on Friday. I figured I see "Heartbreakers" because it has big stars and there's not much going on these days because of "Oscar Hype." Movies that think they have a shot next year at Oscar never debut during the two weeks before the big night which is tonight March 25th. Wrong celluloid breath. This flick has a shot.
I had not heard much about this movie until after church as I was headed out the door, Larry A. mentioned to me that he really liked "Enemy At The Gate" and that I should give it a try. Larry A. is a movie buff and so I thought maybe he was on to something. Thank you, Larry A.
The "Gate" is Stalingrad September 1942 as the Nazi's are overtaking the city and presumably will move on to Moscow and the Soviet Union will crumble. The Russians therefore believe that they must make a stand to preserve Stalingrad. Hitler is determined to take Stalin's namesake and break the Ruskies fighting spirit. And the Nazi's are winning. The people of Stalingrad are dying and desperate and they need a hero. So a young political officer (Joseph Fiennes) creates a local hero by dramatizing the conquests of a "...shepherd from the Eurals..." who as a sniper has killed many Germans and especially officers. The sniper is Vassili Zaitsev (Jude "Mr. Ripley" Law) who shoots the Krauts in the head at long distances. Not just in the head, but smack dab in the middle of the forehead.
The sniper action by Vassili and others is vital to the effort because the Russians are barely hanging on. Vassili develops a rep as an outstanding sniper with a 7.62 rifle and even the Germans know who he is. So, they bring in their heavy hitter sniper - Ed Harris. They play cat and mouse trying to outsmart and outwit with each other. High Noon is inevitable.
The opening scenes of the movie demonstrate the terror of war and the dying and desperation of Stalingrad and those types of brutal war scenes never let up. Much of the R rating is due to the blood, brutality and bullets of close quarter combat. The movie is 131 minutes of fighting and a daily reminder of the dirty, hungry existence of the people of Stalingrad. The blood coming out soldiers' body when a bullet impacts the torso is similar to "Saving Private Ryan."
Director Jean-Jacques Annaud masterfully weaves a love story (Rachel Weisz) and the "duel" between the two enemy snipers. For you history buffs, one of the players (Bob Hoskins) comes on the scene early as a high ranking office with the mission of saving Stalingrad and turning the tide for the Soviets. He dramatically introduces himself as Nakita Krushchev.
To see a movie of this caliber less than three hours before the Academy Awards was a pleasant surprise and a privilege. What a country! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
That's how long I wish the movie lasted instead of two hours. The usual Friday afternoon movie experience was going quite well, thank you. I had to go to AMC because of a timing problem with Loew's and therefore had to drink a Coke with my popcorn instead of Dr. Pepper. AMC only carries Mr. Pibb. I remembered not to order a DP and I'm glad because I hate it when they ask "will Mr. Pibb be ok?" No! Mr. Pibb will not be ok...do I look like a guy that drinks Mr. Pibb? does anyone look like they drink Mr. Pibb?...I don't even know what a Mr. Pibb is....oh yeah I do...it's a pitiful substitute for a real soft drink and its cheap so AMC has cut some sort of deal with them to trick the unsophisticated consumer into drinking that sorry excuse for a drink.
Anyway, I had a snickers chaser with my coke and popcorn so I was feeling pretty sassy when the flick started. Then I felt something wet on my upper chest area. Must have dripped a little condensation from my cup. Not a problem. Let's get on with this DeNiro movie. I know this movie has been getting bad reviews, but I know better because Bobby D's in this flick and I can count on him. Besides, the trailers show lots of action and guns 'n stuff.
I never actually went to sleep, but I "dozed off." You know the feeling: just before you start snoring your whole body jerks violently and you quickly look around after you gain composure to satisfy yourself that the entire audience of 20 did not catch you sleeping in public. I would like to tell you about the plot etc, but I care so little about this movie that I can not make myself describe it. It was painful. I deserve a medal for hanging in there for almost an hour before I boogied.
As I walked outside into the sunlight, I looked down at my white knit shirt to check out the damage, if any, from the little drip that I felt earlier. Had a coke stain about the size of my fist. Bummer. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69W. Larry H.
I needed a light movie because I was moping. Because I was playing basketball on my concrete driveway with 14 year old Eric H. yesterday and he was winning, so I tried reeeeeaaaaalllll hard to get to the ball before he did....well, I fell as gracefully as an ole milk cow and landed with most of my weight on my right arm/elbow. You might say I hurt my bobo. You might also say that I had a 16 year old attitude with a 50 year old arm. Concrete 1 Larry H. 0.
So today I was whining to my banker (Jody B.) about my arm and to my doctor (Don F.) and both of them recommended that I go see Chris Rock in "Down to Earth." Ok, 'cause you know how smart bankers and doctors are. Dr. Don agreed that he would call and leave a message at my office about my xray results and that he would probably know if there was a fracture by the time I got out of the movie. Sounded reasonable to me.
The concept of this movie is taken from at least two previous movies (Warren Beatty's "Heaven Can Wait" and something else) wherein a guy (Chris Rock) accidentally is killed and goes to heaven and the staff at the Pearly Gates acknowledges the mistake and sends him back down to earth until his appointed time of death. But he must return in an available body. In this case it's a an old white man (white hair and mustache) that is the 15th richest man in America who was about to die as the result of poisoning by his wife and lover. Young black Chris Rock who just wants to tell jokes at the Apollo Club in New York now is in the body of the old dude, but has the hip hop jive of CR. Falls in love with a beautiful black woman (Regina King) and the stupid story continues. Yada, Yada, Yada seems to fit here.
But a new method for eating popcorn has developed due to the fact that I could not fully bend my right arm (my dominant popcorn eating arm): hold the bag and squeeze it from the bottom and turn the bag to the side (70-80 degrees) and stick one's tongue out like a lizard and just suck it in. Then when there's only a little in the bottom, turn the bag up almost 180 degrees and let it fall. No sticky fingers; no hassles.
I would give this movie a higher grade, but toward the end of the movie it was revealed that the "old white dude" was 53. I'm outraged! Who do they think they are? Calling a person "old" who is a mere 53 really set my cork to bobbin'. If I get a hold of that Chris Rock, I'm gonna choke him with my left arm and if my right arm has heal, I think I'll beat him with a right jab. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 79. Larry H.
P.S. got the xray results - no fractures, just old; who said that?
I loved "Silence of the Lambs" and was amped up to see Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter one more time. The last time we met with Dr. "Chianti and Fava Beans" Lecter was in 1991. It was time for another visit. I woke up at 4:00 am this morning (briefly) and my first thought was: "...ok, today I see Hannibal again." I'm a simple fellow with very high expectations.
Secretly, I wanted to see another "classic" great film today, yet knowing full well that sequels rarely measure up, especially if the original was as huge as "Silence." We find that Hannibal is living and doing his thing in Italy/Europe and blending in nicely the past ten years. Meanwhile, Agent Clarice Starling is a more mature FBI agent with an edge. Still single and played beautifully by Julianne Moore. I was afraid that I would miss Jodie Foster terribly and it just wouldn't be the same. Three cheers for Moore for filling some big shoes.
New characters: Mason Verger (Gary Oldman) as the only survivor of a Hannibal attack and his face is horribly mutilated; he's very rich and willing to spend his money and use his power to find Hannibal and get some pay back. A police inspector (Giancario Giannini) who is trying to locate Dr. Lecter in Florence so he can collect the reward offered by Verger. A U.S. Justice official (Ray Liotta) who is causing Agent Starling problems and thwarting her attempts to also locate "Dr. Lecter." Clarice always calls him "Dr. Lecter" and Hannibal always says "Clarice" as though it must be pronounced slowly so as to savor the moment. The basic personalities of Hannibal and Clarice remain true as well as their wonderfully strange relationship of love-hate-admiration.
Most of what you will hear about this movie will be the blood and gore. Don't let it bother you unless you are a girlie man. Sure, there are many scenes of blood and guts. This is a film about a guy whose nickname is "the Cannibal," not the Candyman. Dr. Lecter still likes to chow down on humans and killing folks is one of his strong points, but in the big scheme of things, he is one Cool Cannibal. Director Ridley "Gladiator" Scott allowed some of the middle of this movie to drag while pulling together the various subplots, but hold on to your seats/hearts as the ride continues. I was visibly shaken and traumatized and even more fun was not knowing where the story was going next. The suspense was appropriate. Hopkins is outstanding as is the overall cast. If you do not see this movie, we will know that you are a "girlie man." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
Anybody that could write and direct this movie deserves to be married to Madonna. "So be it," says Guy "Madonna" Ritchie. It's set in London and you know how whacky those Brits are. They talk funny, too. Especially Brad Pitt who plays a bare-knuckle gypsy boxer (think about that combo) who can not be understood even by other British characters. Pitt's accent is suppose to be funny and it is. I understood about very third word and thought that was pretty impressive.
Anyway, the story involves these guys that stole a big diamond and want to sell it and some hoodlums of various categories get tangled up in the process and oh yeah Mr. Big fixes prize fights and feeds people to his pigs after he cuts them up in preferably six pieces and lots of blood and guts and playful murders and...well you get the picture. It's fast moving and reminiscent of Ritchie's previous hit "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" with a Tarantino twist. I think this flick can best be described by the numbers:
84 - carat diamond
23 - tattoos on Pitt's upper torso
.50- Desert Eagle Pistol
18 - quarts of blood spilled on the screen
32 - people killed
0 - love interests
29 - various kinds of guns
1 - death by fire
1 - arm chopped off
0 - Brits with pretty teeth
28 - minutes before pretty boy Benicio del Toro gets the ax
4 - knives bigger than Jim Bowie'sSome of the great names of the cinema: Franky Four Fingers, Bullet Tooth Tony, Turkish, and Brick Top. Best line: "...if you get in my way again and stop me from walking, I'm gonna cut off your Jacobs." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H.
I had too many tacos; no room for popcorn and a DP. Bad timing. I got my parking spot though.
I use to call this person a Wedding Coordinator, but today's six figure weddings require a big-time planner that works very closely with the bride and groom to make the perfect wedding. This wedding planner is Jennifer Lopez who is fanatical about every little detail of a wedding and has been enamored with the whole wedding thing since she was a child playing with dolls. She is a power wedding planner in the San Francisco area called Mary by her friends and Maria by her Italian father.
This romantic comedy gets complicated because Lopez gets accidentally hooked up with one of her client's fiancée played by Texas boy Matthew McConaughey. You might say its Big Country meets Big Butt. This flick is just an updated version of a Cary Grant -Doris Day silly love story. I'm ok with that. The women in the audience were real ok with it. They laughed more than I did.
McConaughey and Lopez can act and are pretty people. What more does a formula movie need to make a bunch of money? Nothing. It will be a mild hit in an off week of movies. McConaughey's pants were too short. Lopez has great hair and when she pulls it up and back, look out. And when she lets it fall and shake, look out. I'm glad she got this gig because Puff Daddy's got some big legal bills- what with that bum weapons rap and all. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
I had a hard time making it to the theatre today. I routinely take the Chronicle Entertainment section to work with me on Fridays so I can refer to the showtimes in planning my day. I had decided to go to "The Pledge" today and catch "Snatch" on Saturday. The 1:00 PM showtime at Loew's was perfect for my day; then my day got postponed so I switch mentally to the 1:40 showtime at AMC; and then my day got shoved back yet again so I switched to the 2:30 PM showing at Tinseltown. I was a little on edge by 2:00 PM. I was way behind schedule and here now apologize to my secretary and anybody else that had the misfortune to speak to me after 12:45 PM. I have got to get a grip on my Friday life. Do you realize that on the way back to my office to write this review that I was involved in the Friday afternoon rush hour traffic. That ain't right. I should already be at the house. But nooooooo. Chill!
"The Pledge" is an oath that is taken by a police officer to find the murderer of a little girl that was brutally killed and sexually assaulted. Jerry Black (Jack Nicholson) is the officer that gets entangled in this web on his last day on the force. As a matter of fact, Officer Black leaves his own retirement party to join the investigation. He just can't pass up the chance to take one more shot at police work. That and he has no other life. He likes to fish, but has no family and is a loner and very lonely. The police quickly catch a suspect and are convinced that the case is closed. But Jerry has a "hunch" about the killer and promises the dead girl's mother who is holding a cross made by the little girl that he swears on his "soul's salvation" that he will find the person that did this horrible act.
Promises can be dangerous and looming. The movie is about Jerry trying to find his place in retirement while haunted with his "pledge" to find the killer. Solving this murder becomes obsessive with Jerry and torment is his new companion. Jack's acting is superb as usual, but we are reminded that even the great Jack needs a great script. Or the movie doesn't cook.
I happen to have the inside scoop on this movie and its origins. Director Sean Penn and Jack got together about two years ago; had about nine beers; got about half drunk and had the following conversation:
Sean: Jack, I've read this great book called "The Pledge" and I know we can make it into a movie.
Jack: You sure, Dude, because its hard to translate psycho stuff onto the screen.
Sean: I know, but we can do it. Trust me. Madonna didn't trust me and look what happened to her
Jack: Who's going to play my love interest?
Sean: Not a problem; Robin can do it. She's in between gigs.
Jack: Ok, but I've got to be at every Lakers game no matter what - you know Shack and Kobe are feuding and I think I might have to mediate the whole thing; that Phil Jackson can't pull his Zen crap on those two. Trust me.
Sean: Not a problem, Jack, and you can wear sunglasses in my movie
Jack: Cool, Dude, can I wear the ones I normally wear?
Sean: No.
Jack: Ok, let's do it.Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 81. Larry H.
The movie was riveting. Kevin Costner is Special Assistant to the President Ken O'Donnell and the only big name star in a very big and talented cast. President Kennedy is played magnificently by Bruce Greenwood as he must make the tough decisions during the October 1962 Cuba Missile Crisis in order to keep the USSR and the USA from entering a nuclear war and killing hundreds of millions of people worldwide. Pretty heady stuff. I am pretty familiar with the subject matter and wondered if Director Roger Donalsdon and Producer Kevin Costner could make a well known story interesting and compelling. The answer is Yes and Yes.
Where were you in '62? I was in the seventh grade and was trying to play football and pondering why the girls were taller than I was. I was not near as scared about a nuclear war in '62 as I am now that this movie told the story so vividly. I realize that the makers have taken appropriate Hollywood license with dialogue etc, but the basic story of Kennedy vs. Kruschev vs. we might really start nuking each other actually happened and this movie will be the defining vehicle for most folks. This is a great piece of movie making.
Bruce Greenwood even walked with a slight bend in his back to acknowledge Kennedy's famous bad back and the director had the good sense not to even mention it. Just let him act. The writing was clever and fast paced which matched the editing. To achieve "suspense" in a movie about historical events is tough on a good day, but this movie kept the audience engaged because the story and action never lets up. There is a delicate balance in the story between the military, the Kennedy's, and the "appeasers." Costner/O'Donnell is the guy allowed in the Kennedy loop so we get to see the story from his perspective. Such an approach was a strategy that works.
This movie has a realistic shot at many awards. Rock 'n roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
It's been more than six months since I saw the last George Clooney movie. You might remember that's when Monique H. was put on probation and banned from attending movies with me due to her out-of-control talking during "Perfect Storm." Also, she tried to act like a movie critic. And we all know that it says in the Bible: "Thou shalt have only one movie critic per fam." Quite peculiarly, I invited her to attend today's movie with me and she said "no." What's up with that?
Georgie plays Everett Ulyses McGill, a slick talkin' southern boy who has gone and got hisself thrown in a Mississippi prison. He and his two "associates" Delmar and Pete who are "dumb as a bag of hammers" escape. The Texas Seven they ain't. Please note that I have reverted to my Texas southern trash talkin' due to the influence of this stupid, slap stick, silly movie. The Fargo Brothers aka Coen have a gift for the twisted tale of the human condition and as writers, producer, and director of this flick you will not be disappointed; it's Coen all the way.
This story is set in 1937 slap dab in the middle of the Great Depression and the mockery of the era and its characters that seem bigger than life. The story is really a mix of "Cool Hand Luke" and the "Wizard of Oz" with just a pinch of "The Three Stooges." Oh yeah, it's also a musical of sorts. The acting is solid and at times the punch lines are hysterical. But this is not the signature movie of the Coen's nor is it deserving of any big awards. It's pleasant. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H.
On the way to the movies today (a Saturday and a day later than scheduled due to the interference of yet another uninformed judge that obviously did not get the memo about the sacredness of my Friday afternoons) I was feeling especially grateful that Red and Mabel H. got married 56 years ago today. Sgt. Red H. had come home on leave from Europe in 1945 and married the beautiful Mabel. After a brief honeymoon at the old Ben Milam Hotel in downtown Houston, Red had to go back to Europe to help Ike wrap it up.
"Traffic" has gotten universally rave reviews and appears to be headed for many awards. I approached the movie with great expectations. I knew I would be attending the 12:30 pm showing so I ate only a small tuna sandwich, chips, and a sunkist so as to leave room for popcorn and a Dr. Pepper. After purchasing my ticket, I realized I was too full to also eat my quota of popcorn and pop. Bummer. Bad sign.
"Traffic" is probably the best documentary ever made about the drug trafficking problem in this country. I did not want to see a documentary. I know about the drug problem. I want to care about characters, action, and the like. I want a "movie." The God Bomb Theory starting kickin' in about half way through this 2 1/2 hour flick. The stories take place in Washington DC, California, and Mexico. I figured God could get them all to meet in Brownsville for convenience sake, then blow them up real good. I knew I was in trouble when I started wondering if the Saints had beaten the Vikings. And I was yawning and rubbing the two day old beard on my chin.
If you want to read a real movie review of this movie, look it up on the internet. I pass. Some of the acting was outstanding. The writing was borderline clever occasionally. And if this movie wins even one Oscar, I will hiss at the screen. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 75. Larry H.
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