Larry H's Movie Reviews for 2000
Index of Movies:
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon | Chocolat | All The Pretty Horses | Miss Congeniality | Cast Away | Quills | Proof of Life | Men of Honor | The Legend Of Bagger Vance | The Yards | Book of Shadows: Blair Wich 2 | Pay It Forward | Best In Show | The Contender | Meet the Parents | Remember the Titans | Almost Famous | The Way of the Gun | Nurse Betty | The Crew | The Cell | Autumn in New York | Space Cowboys | Nutty Professor II: The Klumps | The Perfect Storm | The Patriot | Chicken Run | Me, Myself, & Irene | Shaft | Gone in 60 Seconds | Shanghai Noon | Mission: Impossible 2 | Road Trip | Battlefield Earth | Frequency | I Dreamed of Africa | Gladiator | Keeping the Faith | Rules of Engagement | Erin Brockovich | Drowning Mona | Mission to Mars | Reindeer Games | The Whole Nine Yards | Cider House Rules | Snow Day | Angela's Ashes | Eye of the Beholder | Girl, Interrupted | The Hurricane | Magnolia
The grading system99 - the highest grade ever given ("To Kill A Mockingbird") there has never been a 100 yet
95 - the highest grade available on first viewing
69 - means the movie was so bad that I want my money back
65 - is even lower than 69, but is the lowest available grade
W - after a numerical grade means that I could not stand to finish the movie and "walked" out
S - after a numerical grade means that I went to sleep during the movie due to lack of interest
God Bomb Theory - kicks in when I start praying for God to send down a bomb to blow up the characters and/or the scene so I can leave the theater and get on with my life.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
This movie needs to be seen on the big screen. The acrobatic action and subtitles about ancient China where kung fu meets "The Matrix" begs to be enjoyed in a theatre. Its a pretty movie and I got use to the subtitles very quickly because the movie was fast and interesting. Never dull. Only toward the end did I start feeling that I might know what was coming next.
Going to see a movie on New Year's eve afternoon can be a journey in itself. The closest theatre was Studio 30/AMC at Westhiemer at Dunvale. In the 70's, Dunvale was a shell road. Now its four lanes and lots of traffic. This AMC has three ticket "buildings" instead of only two as we have at Sugar Land AMC 26. I guess one needs an extra ticket outlet for the four theatres.
Chow Yun Fat as Lo Mu Bai is the hero and has a 400 year old sword "Green Detiny" that he tries to give away and retire even though he knows that he must avenge the death of his master. Retirement does not go well for Bai. His sword is stolen by Jade Fox; the arch enemy and killer. Jade is a woman and mean as a snake. This movie is dominated by powerful sword-wielding, high-flying women. Yes, that's right - "high-flying." The "warriors" in this movie can fly not unlike a flying squirrel. They have these special powers because of their training at Wudan Mountain and a secret manual of martial arts. The movements and fight scenes are nothing short of spectacular. Do not let my flippant manner of description diminish the dignity of these warriors. Even though they can fly and kick like super heroes; it ain't no laughing matter. This story is about love and honor.
Michelle Yeoh as Shu Lien and Zhang Zi Yi as Jen are the answer to women's liberation. They match their male opponents blow for blow. Director Ang Lee will be at the Academy Awards ceremony as will some of his crew. The choreography by Yuen Wo-Ping ("The Matrix") is breathtaking. This Chinese epic is about two hours long, but a movie that can support a line of "...my love will never let me be a lonely spirit." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 93. Larry H.
The setting is a 1959 small French village that is "narrow minded" and dominated by its Catholic guilt and a Mayor who would come in first place in a Church Lady contest even though he has slicked back black hair and a well trimmed mustache. And along comes this woman (unwed) with a 12 year old daughter who opens a chocolat (no "e") shop during the lent season.
This woman is a handsome woman in the form of Juliette "The English Patient" Binoche and she has a "knack for guessing" the right type of chocolat for each of her reluctant customers. After consuming some of this almost mystical chocolat, one might immediately improve one's self esteem, courage, and/or sexual performance. The mayor (Alfred Molina) feels very threatened by this woman that wears red and low cut dresses and encourages the villagers to partake of the wicked chocolat and during the lenten season for pity's sake. The mayor reminds the local young parish priest that he has only been in town for five weeks and the last priest had served their church for five decades. The mayor writes the script for the priest's weekly homilies.
As a sample of the community's/mayor's lack of tolerance, they post bulletins around town declaring a "Boycott of Immorality" to discourage association with certain folks. Slowly, however, the life of eating chocolat spreads and the the village's personality is in disarray. The handsome woman's love interest is the handsome Johnny Depp as a River Rat/Pirate. Not a stretch there. Depp is too cool
This is a show by Euros about Euros. I have a hard time relating to them. They are not from around here. But this story is about the human condition with strings, flutes, and clarinets playing softly in the background with hearts broken and mended. Of course, Judi Dench has to be in the movie. Her appearance in every European movie is part of the EU's constitution. Binoche, Depp, and Dench are wonderful. But my favorite is Molina as the conflicted Mayor.
This movie is ...mmmmm good, but I am having difficulty in coming up with one of my patented number grades. I am not saying that my movie grades come from God, but they do just wash over me mysteriously from a power greater than myself. But not this time. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade NR. Larry H
Billy Bob Jolie has hit a home run. I didn't think Billy Bob could pull it off. This movie is taken from the bestseller of the same name by Carmac McCarthy. BB called the book a "classic" on Leno the other night which I though was rather bold of him to acknowledge the greatness of the book while pitching his movie. I read the book in the last week or so based on the recommendation of a couple of my homeys (Seth M. and Brian G.) and in anticipation of the movie. The movie is worthy of the book; both are magnificent.
Seth and Brian are 19 now, but they read the book when they were 16. McCarthy's book is about John Grady Cole from San Angelo, TX, who went to Mexico in 1949 to capture the cowboy spirit and manhood. In the book, John Grady Cole is 16. Billy Bob chose Matt Damon to play JGC and Henry Thomas as his sidekick Lacy Rawlins. Both of these guys are a little long in the tooth to play teenagers, so Billy Bob did not allude to their age at all. He merely directed them to youthful exuberance. Ted Tally is credited with the screenplay and he dutifully followed McCarthy's story line and dialogue. I'm not sure if Tally did a great job or not because he followed the book so closely. Maybe his genius was in not screwing up a good thing.
Loyalty, friendship, adventure, sadness, fear, beauty, youth, horses, country, cruelty, murder, blood, suspense, action, switchblades, family, landscapes, hostages, prison, guns, and the greatest of all ....forbidden love. John Grady and Rawlins hookup with an even younger boy (Jimmy Blevins played by Lucas Black) from Texas and cross the Rio Grande on their horses and head to Mexico to work on one of the giant ranches. John Grady falls for the Patron's daughter, the beautiful, long haired Alejandra (Penelope Cruz). The class system and tradition of a rich Mexican family do not allow such a romance with a ranch hand. But they are young.
John Grady is a horse man and a ladies man, and a man's man. He is a cross between John Wayne and Tom Hanks. And he always goes by at least two names: John Grady (hence- Billy Bob). Damon was superb and deserves a nomination. I thought he should have gotten the nod for Mr. Ripley, but the forces must be against him. Lucas Black as the very young kid steals scenes from Damon. Black had a blend of toughness and naïveté. The local policeman, the El Capitan, emphasized the youthfulness of Blevins to John Grady when he said "...Blevins does not have any feathers..." Those words are from McCarthy. Listen closely to the spoken word because the dialogue is powerful and the West Texas accents by the "boys" can be difficult to understand even for this Texas boy. Black and Cruz deserve accolades as supporting actors. Billy Bob Jolie (ok, Thornton) is one my picks for Best Director. This is a must see. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 94. Larry H.
This is a great Sandra Bullock movie. Say it ain't so, Larry H. It's true, Dude. When Bullock wins her lifetime achievement award, the Academy will show clips of this flick and the crowd will mumble something about physical comedy and Carol Burnett and Lucy.
SB plays a gun-totin', tough talking, butt-kickin' FBI agent that is a tad low on estrogen. She has an Everlast punching bag hanging in her apartment so she can punch and spin-kick it to release her frustrations, which are many. This movie is a cousin to "Ace Venture: Pet Detective" if you know what I mean. Reality is not a factor. In this farce, the FBI suspects a terrorist bombing at the Miss United States beauty pageant ("it's not a beauty pageant, it's a scholarship program") that is being held in the Alamodome in San Antonio. Several scenes are in front of the Alamo and along the River Walk.
Oh my, a bomb threat, whatever will we do? I know, says the hunky FBI agent (Benjamin Bratt), we will enter Agent Grace Lou Hart in the pageant as an undercover agent and change her name to Grace Lou Freebush as Miss New Jersey. Now, there's a man with a plan. Miss Freebush is a complete klutz and eats with her mouth open etc so the Feds hire Michael Caine to do a Professor Higgins on her in two days. Yeah right, when monkeys fly out of my butt.
The pageant is run by Candice "Murphy Brown" Bergen and William Shatner. They are a hoot. The movie is charming in a Sandra Bullock kind of way. I started to say "cute" but I just couldn't. We are introduced to Agent Hart/Freebush in the opening scene when the Feds are trying to bust some Russians and she goofs up by trying to help one of the Ruskies who is choking on a nut. That Rusky in real life is actor Daniel Kamin. Dan and I went to law school together. He dropped by my office several weeks ago and told me about this movie, so I was proud to see him on the big screen. Dan has done 38 feature and television movies. He currently lives in Houston and for years lived in Sugar Land. Watch for him; he does an excellent job. Name dropper!
Even though this is a complete piece of crap movie. It's well done and fun and that's why I go to the movies. Way to go SB. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
This film is brilliant. The team of Robert Zemeckis, director of "Forrest Gump", and Tom Hanks has struck gold again. The crowd for this 1:00 pm showing on opening day was about 125-150 in theatre #17 at Loew's. Under the Larry H. "Semi-Scientific Poll and Puff" results with a margin of error of near zero, that extrapolates into $30+ million opening weekend. Check it on Monday.
Hanks is The Cast in "Cast Away." Helen Hunt plays his girlfriend and is an important character as Hanks' love interest, but the film is about 80% Hanks stranded on an island in the South Pacific. Hanks as Chuck Noland (No Land, get it) is an executive for Federal Express and is on one of its company jets when it crashes and all aboard are killed except Hanks. He then survives through his love for Hunt by looking at her photo and by exhibiting the instincts of the human spirit. His survival skills would make CBS' Richard "Survivor" Hatch envious.
Zemeckis lets the camera and Hanks interact in a manner that pulls the viewer closer to the emotions of this modern day Robinson Crusoe. Writer William Broyles Jr. of "Texas Monthly" fame has crafted a masterful story that caused me to constantly take a stand and root for and against things to happen or not happen. I bought in emotionally without reservation. I knew I was hooked when I became terrified, horrified, and stupefied during the plane crash scenes. The plane going down and the first leg of Noland's "staying alive" immediately after the crash are memorable.
This 143 minute film does not have a weak link. Well, I guess it did have one weak link - with about 45 minutes left in the film, the projector went haywire and we the audience had to mingle and take unscheduled pit stops for about 15 minutes whilst the projectionist got things rolling again. We got a coupon for a "small drink to be used within 30 days." Oh, boy.
The only reason Hanks will not get a nomination is because of AJ. Academy Jealousy. We shall see. If Hanks get the nod, so will Zemeckis and Broyles. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
This movie is about the Marquis de Sade. He was doing his thing late 1700's early 1800's. He wrote with a "quill" pen. The only place it's showing currently is River Oaks which is a long way from Sugar Land. I tried to talk myself into seeing "What Women Want" starring Mel Gibson, but I was worried that there might be syrup flowing out of the theatre and I might step in it and soil my Hi-Techs. Then, I pondered the even harder question: do I go see "Dude, Where's My Car?" While I can certainly relate to the loss of one's car, I feared that "Quills" would turn out to be a big winner of awards and I would hate myself if I, Larry H., did not see it before you people.
Inner city theatres are a step back in time, and this one is classic. There are two theatres at this establishment located in the River Oaks Shopping Center (Center, not Mall) and I guess that it was built shortly after W.W.II and there are a few famous people and politicians that sat in those non rocking no-coke-holder chairs such as Lyndon, George H., George W. and yes Larry H. has been there before. I had great difficulty finding a parking spot. Had to park behind a building down the road and way over there. Obviously, these people do not know who I am; no reserved parking for Larry H.! On the way back to my car, I stopped to speak to a man on the street corner and said "Dude, where's my car?"
I'm was looking forward to traveling to the city and seeing how those heathens act when one attends a movie about one of the original Kings of Sex. The ticket clerk and concession lady both wore funky hats. Must be a requirement. When I walked in the theatre, the crowd of about fifty was talking loudly among themselves as though they had just come from the garden party. I could hear some juicy gossip. The movie was suppose to start at 1:30 PM, but by 1:50 PM the movie had not started and the voices and gossip was getting louder. It was still very dark in the house. An elderly woman ( had to be 80 if she was a nickel) was walking down the aisle carrying a cup in each hand and her "boyfriend" was following her and she walked up to me in my aisle seat and got about 12 inches from my nose and hollered out in a pretty healthy stage whisper "...is that a human in that seat?... I don't want to sit on a human...." Being the quick study that I am, I blurted out "hello" just in time to stop a human dog pile.
Now we are 25 minutes into the wait for the movie to start and the lady with the hat that had been the concessionaire walked down about two thirds of the way toward the front and turned to the crowd and explained that there had been some problems, but she had the help of a "strong man" and the movie should start soon. Three of the locals replied with a genuine "thank you" and the gossip was turned up a notch since it was clear we had a little time on our hands. I was loving the whole experience and figured the movie could not be any better than what was already going on, but I was worried that I was a long way from home and it was Friday afternoon during the Christmas season. I've got to write my review in a timely manner....
The movie is set in Paris and the Marquis (Geoffrey Rush) is in an asylum/prison because his writings have upset the local establishment. Napoleon is the head honcho and he must decide to "kill or train" the Marquis to act right. The French people love the Marquis' sexual writings and can not get enough of his very graphic depiction of sexual fantasies. Not to worry, the chambermaid (Kate Winslet) smuggles his writings to the outside world and the mystique continues. Napoleon decides that "training" is an option, so he sends a sadistic medical doctor (Michael Caine) that enjoys torture, if it's necessary, to assist in the training. The asylum is run by a young priest/abbe named Coulmier (Joaquin Phoenix). The Abbe has his hands full - what with dealing with Mr. de Sade, a twisted doctor, and a chambermaid that runs around the place with herself pooching out the top of her tight-fitting dress the way only a ....chambermaid can.
Geoffrey Rush turns in a nomination quality performance. He exhibited the genius of Truman Capote, the rebellion of James Dean, the hardheadedness of Paul Newman, and the morals of Larry Flint. That's the good news; the bad news is that I did not like any of the characters and the story was slow and predictable. If you are a teenager or taking viagra, you should not see this movie. I am a semi-trained moviegoer and I am suppose to see this kind of stuff and report it to you; it's what I do. But some of you people need to stay home. There is frontal nudity, as well as backal and breastal. Be warned. Rock 'n roll.
Grade 81. Larry H.
I'm back Jack! I have not been to a movie or the pistol range in weeks and I was suffering from the DT's. But I was not going to let anything (except a large pile of money) get in my way of the 12:15 pm showing of the new movie out today starring Russell "Gladiator" Crowe and Meg Ryan. I got my assigned parking spot at Loew's at the Fountains and one of the workers even held the door open for me as I entered because they were power washing the back porch of the theatre. I like a theatre with clean concrete.
This flick is decidedly mediocre. David "St. Elsewhere" Morse plays the husband of Alice (Ryan) and he gets kidnapped in South America. He works for a mean 'ole pipeline company headquatered in Houston. His employment does not bode well for his plight. Morse plays a good second banana and a victim. He's not handsome enough for Meg, so you know there's got to be some duplicitous stuff going on when K & R expert Russell Crowe comes on the scene to negotiate for the return of the husband. You know what K & R means: kidnap and ransom. Seems these guerillas that pulled off the kidnap actually do it for the money rather than a political statement.
There are some really nice guns in this movie. There's a plus. One scene alone had close-ups of a S&W .357, Beretta 92 FS, and a Glock 17. And the AK 47's, M-16's and shotguns were so cool that they looked like maybe they had been tricked out by my gunsmith Vanden Berg Custom.
Meg is too skinny. She's been working out too much. I could see the muscles and veins. She needs more meat on her bones. The hair is the same, but that body needs an overhaul in the opposite direction.
The story is slow. About one out of five scenes was significant and stirred interest. That's a pretty poor average. There was enough gun battles and bombs to keep me hanging in there, but at times my attendance was a close call. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 79. Larry H.
The acting is fantastic, the story is simple, and the emotions are high. Bobby De Niro is such a great actor that I think he should win an Academy Award almost every time he's on the big screen. Not counting "Meet the Parents" of course.
The movie is based on the life of Carl Brashear (Cuba Gooding Jr.) who is willing to do just about anything to become a U.S. Navy diver in spite of intense racial bigotry in the military in the late '40's and '50's. Brashear's diving instructor is Navy master diver Billy Sunday (De Niro) who is a cross between De Niro's character in "Cape Fear" and Paul Newman's Cool Hand Luke. Crusty, scary, and zero tolerance for authority. Master Chief Sunday explains to his new diving students that there is also a famous preacher by the same name, but the difference is "...he works for God and I am God."
Gooding is solid as the tenacious diver, but his character explodes when interacting with De Niro. The story covers Brashear's life as a youngster in 1943 through the 60's and Gooding handles the changes with skill. De Niro appears to be making about two movies a year which is lucky for us, but Ms. Charlize "Bagger Vance Fox" Theron gets around, too. She plays De Niro's lushy wife and is wonderful without showing any skin. Please pay special attention when Theron and De Niro appear at a formal party as a semi drunk couple. They may be an odd match, but that screen appearance standing together immediately before De Niro gets into yet another fight with an officer is classic.. I want a poster of them together in that scene.
I got teary eyed in the beginning and the end of the movie, but the real story is De Niro, Gooding, Theron, and the rest of the cast. Not a great movie, but has great moments. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
November 3, 2000. I could talk about some of my pre-movie drivel about trying to eat popcorn (buttered) using a new method (eating directly from the sack by holding the bag at a 45 degree angle and shaking) in an attempt not to get butter all over my hands, but alas the butter became smeared onto my glasses and approximately a handful fell onto my shirt...but I won't. This is an important movie. Why?
It's a fantastic flick because Robert "Hair" Redford has directed a near perfect movie about over- coming fears and other piles of life's baggage when blessed with a guardian angel. Remember that the movie is called a "Legend" for good reason. It's based on the novel by Steven Pressfield. Some would have you believe that it's just a metaphor about life and golf is merely a backdrop and it could have been about any sport. Wrong screenplay breath! This story could have been about any sport about as much as "Rocky" need not involve boxing or "Titanic" could do without a sinking ship. All movies are about life; this one is about a golfer and golfing. "I've lost my swing," explains Rannulph Junah (Matt Damon). And Bagger Vance helps him get his "authentic swing." Not his authentic bat or ball...his swing! Of course, the script is peppered with life's lessons such as "a game that can't be won only played," but this story about life needs to be a sport/game that involves "just you and the ball." And that's golf, sports fans. You golf ho's need to drop what you're doing and see this.
The setting is Savannah, GA, during the beginning of the Great Depression. Captain Junah has been back from the war to end all wars for over ten years and has not snapped out of his post-war funk and pretty much drinks whiskey and plays poker in spite of his previous bright golf career. He was one of the best golfers in the South. The local beautiful southern belle Adele (Charlize Theron) who is strapped for cash convinces Walter Hagen and Bobby Jones, who are real-life legendary golfers, to come to Savannah to play an exhibition match for $10,000 for the winner. Then the locals, always mindful of the need for a hometown angle, convince their home grown golf hero, Junah, to be the third in this unprecedented golf tournament of 72 holes on a Saturday and Sunday.
But Junah initially refuses to participate because he rarely sucks a sober breath and he has lost his swing. He wants "to forget and be forgotten." You know the metaphor: he lost his mojo. Enter Will Smith as Bagger Vance. We don't know anything about Bagger except he knows things before they happen and has the insight of God. Hmmm? When watching this movie, do not discount the significance of the character (Hardy Greaves) played by young L. Michael Moncrief as a wise little boy that has a special relationship with Captain Junah and Bagger. The three of them form the ideal vehicle for Redford to communicate the story and pull at our heart while never sacrificing entertainment. Ms. Theron is a fox and brings passion, power and sensuality to the mix. Her wardrobe alone is worthy of a nomination for Best Costume.
The movie's opening scene depicts an old Hardy Greaves (the little boy) played by Jack Lemmon who is struck with his fifth heart attack while on the golf course. Old Hardy wonders "...why do I play a game that's destine to kill me?" Old Hardy/Lemmon then becomes our narrator with flashbacks within a flashback. Watch closely for the name on Hardy's club head. The noontime crowd of 90-100 laughed and gasped in all the right places. This will be a mega hit and has Best Picture potential. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
"The Yards" are the subway yards of New York. And there is corruption, bribery, and payoffs among city officials and contractors who want to do business with the city. Man, who would've thunk that? 60 Minutes should do an expose. This movie is not about the Mafia and even your average run of the mill Gangsters. It's about some business guys that make payoffs to get contracts and sometimes cross the line and somebody gets killed and all involved say, "....oooooooh, now whatta we gonna do now..." I say, " why don't you go down to the yards and jump in front of a subway train and lets end it right now."
Part of the problem with the plot is that about 45 minutes into this thing I realized that I did not really know or care what was going on. That 10-15 minute nap I took might have had something to do with my comprehension level. I am not sure. I recovered and concluded that "I must get outta here before I become sick from boredom." Since this movie is set in New York and the Yankees just won the World Series and Bobby De Niro and I are close, I would like to give some sage advice: Forget about it! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 SW Larry H.
As I walked out of "The Yards" I realized it was only 1:30 pm. I was feeling a little blue, but then I got my second wind to see a second movie. I was at Tinseltown and that was good for my team because outside the entrance and at the end of each hallway starting times for movies are listed. I quickly checked the times and "bingo" there's one starting at 1:35...lets see...what is it? It's "Ladies Man." And I'm thinking, "Lord, please don't make me see Ladies Man." So I walked all the way across the big entryway and continued the search for a replacement movie and "bam" (good sound effects, huh) Blair Witch Whatever is just about to start.
I loved the original Blair Witch. This story opens with interviews (tongue in cheek) of some of the locals of Burkittsville, Maryland, as they mock the tourist and myths of the Blair Witch phenomenon. One enterprising lad has put together a tour of the woods via his mini van, camping equipment etc. The customers (5) for this inaugural tour are basically a bunch of loser Satan wannabes that have nothing better to do than buy in on this really stupid premise. Ten minutes into the film, we see flashes of dead people (unidentified or explained) with bloody heads and other gruesome acts and a close up of a large knife shoved into some unknown person's guts and then mass quantities of blood start gushing and a hand slowly turns the knife. Ex-squeeze me? O for 2. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 65W. Larry H.
I was on my way to my gunsmith's and I stopped off at Tinseltown on the Tollway to see "Pay It Forward." I was very suspect of this movie because any director can take three first round draft choices like Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment and make a movie. But will it be any good and is the screen big enough for all that star/Oscar power. Yes and yes. Director Mimi Leder and screenwriter Leslie Dixon pulled it off.
Random acts of kindness for three other people and helping them in a "big way" is the basic concept of "paying it forward." Then those three people will in turn help three other people and so on and so on. Spacey plays Eugene Simonet, a seventh grade social studies teacher in a Las Vegas public school that has metal detectors. Mr. Simonet's face and neck are severely scarred and he tries to lead a quiet, protected life. But he willing challenges his students to be bold by doing something to "..make a change in the world..." These eleven year olds are given all year to accomplish this school project if it takes that long. Mr. Simonet assigns this task annually with little or no outstanding accomplishments. Until Trevor (Osment) takes the idea very seriously and attempts to change his world by helping three people in a really big, bold manner.
Trevor's mother (Helen Hunt) is an bottle-hiding alcoholic who works as a waitress and topless dancer. She has the body to do it and will "take off my shirt ...when I get 5 beers in me." Do Hunt and Spacey get together? Does Trevor accomplish all of his goals in his plan to pay it forward? Did I cry twice and have goose bumps throughout the movie?
The acting by these three is superb. I admitted my skepticism, but all three of these "Oscar wannabes because I have a good rep and a darn good chance at the Big O every time I go out there" actually turned in individually stunning performances. Great actors drag each other along. Ask Helen about Jack. Fear, sadness, joy, love, hate, bitterness, and passion. The story never stops beginning.
Mr. Simonet explains to Trevor's mom that he can't ... because his life is "...familiar and manageable." And the mom's life is a classic example of Step 1 unmanageability. We don't like to change our lives if it's tragic or triumphant. Unless someone changes our world?
This film has the best chance yet at multiple nominations of any movie of the year. Best Actors (3), Screenplay/adapted, director, and picture. It will be mega hit. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 94. Larry H.
When one's dog wins the overall championship at the 125th Annual Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show, it is referred to as "Best In Show." This show is about the competitors as they pack their bags and groom their dogs and head off from all over the country to Philadelphia, PA, for the 125th Annual extravaganza. Satire and spoof. And funny! Very funny.
A couple of friends had highly recommended this movie or I would not have seen it. I took a leap of faith. When the movie started, I thought, "oh, no, this really is a movie about a dog show in a documentary style with one shaky camera" and then quickly Eugene Levy's character with fake front teeth and his wife Catherine O"hara with a low cut blouse hit the screen and I knew we had hope for laughter. Levy was the supreme nerd married to the perfect ex-fluzzy who has had "hundreds of boyfriends" who pop up throughout the movie. O'hara explains that when she met her husband he refused to dance because he had "two left feet." Then, the camera pans down and sure enough he has two left feet. I can deal with a plot that is that goofy.
The competitors that we followed were: two gay men, two lesbians, a good 'ole Southern boy Christopher Guest (director and co-writer with Levy), a yuppie couple with braces who have sex in front of their dog and all three of them have to seek counseling (the couple and the dog) and Levy and O'hara. Nothing is sacred or off limits. The humor crescendos. By the end of the movie, I had tears in my eyes from laughter.
Fred Willard is the color commentator at the big show. You know the show - it's the one where the "trainers/owners" hold the dog's leash about chest high and then run like a gleek alongside the dog as the judge looks on. These people are big funny. They even run funny. Willard is a scream as the commentator because he does not know jack about the dog show business, so he just says whatever comes into his mind and he makes a lot of baseball metaphors. When the movie was over, rather abruptly, the audience of about 15 refused to get up because they wanted more. No higher compliment. This low budget movie that is showing in very few theatres has an outside shot at Best Original Screenplay. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
I wanted a hot dog so bad I could taste it. Haven't you ever just sat at your desk and counted off the minutes till you could leave (early) on a Friday afternoon and sink your teeth in a big juicy semi-warm hot dog with mustard, ketchup, and relish scooped out of a half empty dish of public condiments? Well, I know exactly how you feel. Throw in some buttered popcorn and a medium DP and life don't get no better than that. I got my parking spot, too. I'm not superstitious, but when things just happen to fall into place I always believe that the movie will be appropriately entertaining. When I leave my parking spot at Loew's, I take the exact same route in the left rear door, swing to right and ease past the video games, past the concession stand briskly and approach the ticket counter as though I (and my staff) have arrived and the fun may begin! I'm a blessed man.
"The Contender" is Joan Allen as Senator Laine Hanson who has been nominated as Vice President by President Jackson Evans (Jeff Bridges) to replace the Veep who recently died. The movie is about the process the first woman nominee for a national office must endure in order to get confirmed. And the politics of meanness kicks in early and often. Seems that Sen. Hanson had some sexual "deviant" acts in her past. You get to decide how deviant etc. But House Judiciary Chairman Sheldon Runyon played by Gary Oldham with a really bad hairdo tries to undermine her at every turn and doesn't mind ripping her guts out on national TV so long as the President withdraws her name and nominates Runyon's boy. We as veterans of the Clarence Thomas hearings and Clinton's impeachment trial already have an inkling of such goings-on. This is Hollywood's version of the political process, so don't get your panties in a wad if certain normal political traditions are not followed. It's a movie.
The cast is wonderful and large. Director and writer Rod Lurie (a former film critic...hmmm?) jumps from scene to close up to dialogue of the next scene with quickness. He's got to move fast so we don't get too bored with the complicated story and many characters. Sam Elliott plays the President's Chief of Staff. I've always like Elliott. It's the voice and hair and he use to mess around with Kathryn Ross. I digress. Christian Slater is able as the seemingly awe struck twenty eight year old Congressman that slithers from snake to saint. Gary, Jeff and Joan are the central characters and carry the show adequately with moments of brilliance.
The plot is simple and sappy at times and diminishes an otherwise high grade. This movie is a chick flick, but not in the usual way. A central theme is the "first" woman for national office and how she is treated differently on issues of sex. But can she shed a tear and also be strong and principled? One mark of a good acting job by Joan Allen is that I liked her character ok in spite of her admission that she was an atheist who worships at the "Chapel of Democracy" and ....wants to get guns out of every household in America. Excuse me, did she just blaspheme the 2nd Amendment or what? This is sure enough a "R" movie for sex and cussin'. Rock 'n roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
I was feeling kinda blue and even admitted it to Monique H. on the phone on the way to the flicks. I told the lovely wife that I was about to snap out of my funk because I was on the way to see the new comedy starring Bobby De Niro. Only his close friends call him Bobby. We been buds a long time. Well, sorta. Anyway, I go to the movies for a lot of reasons, but I believe "pulling one's self out of a blue funk" is certainly worthy of a trip to the movies. Can't miss with Bobby and Ben Stiller.
Wrong, Academy Award breath! This movie is the pits. Misses on all cylinders. It was slow, stupid, shallow, simple, and oh yeah, it sucked! A Randy Newman song "A Fool in Love" is in the background as the opening scenes and credits begin. Nice beginning. Down hill from there. The only fool is the one that sees "Meet the Parents."
Story line: Jewish male nurse (Stiller) goes to his girlfriend's home to meet the fam and things go poorly. Bobby is the girl's mysterious father. The young man's last name is Focker. And there are about 30 jokes about that; 25 jokes about male nurses. Some good jokes; some stinkers. I did not like any of the characters and the God Bomb Theory kicked in very early. I would have walked, but De Niro kept me hanging in there. I just couldn't walk out on my ole bud Bobby. But I wanted all the characters to die - soon. Unfortunately, none of them die. Oops, I didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag. Speaking of cats. Ah, forget it. Do you think maybe I'm still in a Blue Funk? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 74. Larry H.
This has been my kind of Friday. I was in my seat by 12:30 pm with Dr. Pepper, popcorn, and snickers in hand. The crowd was big and varied. Disney, Denzel, and football packs 'em in.
Based on a true story of a Virginian town in 1971 that is forced to accept the realities of integration in a very painful manner: the local football team. Two high schools merged, one black one white. Two head coaches. School board appoints the black Coach Boone (Denzel Washington) as the new head coach. The local white establishment is none too happy. "We ain't playin' with them animals...and with that Coach Coon." The white coach (Will Patton) is invited to stay on as an assistant. The black players don't understand or like the white players and vice versa. Such was the case throughout America. However, my small town Texas had already lived through this same upheaval in the 1967 football season of the Fighting Bay City Blackcats. Much of this story brought back many unpleasant as well as fond memories. If you lived in the South during the 60's and 70's, you will recognize the tension and players. My favorite line spoken twice: "I'll be John Brown."
Every scene and sentence of dialogue is grounded in race relations. I found myself not laughing as much as the crowd. "Been there done that" syndrome robbed me of some of the fun and dramatic value of the movie. The character development and story are very well done while slowly breaking down the barriers between the races. The sound track is killer. The feel-good scenes number in the dozens. The crowd that shared the theatre with me loved this movie. It will be a big hit and if you have ever been to a high school football game, played in one or just cheered, this movie will hit the spot. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I needed a 2:00 pm flick to fit my schedule. "Almost Famous" fit the bill. I realize that's not a very sophisticated method of choosing a movie, but I choose convenience often when the choices are weak. The current cadre of movies is not exactly setting box-office records. I think I need to see one of the sneaks this weekend. Maybe DeNiro and Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents."
Four of us saw "Almost Famous" at Loew's today. All men. All alone. I don't think a scientific poll is needed to predict the weekend ticket sales for this period piece. The period is 1973. Our hero is William Miller (Patrick Fugit) who is a fifteen year old floppy- haired Opie-lookin' wannabe writer who works his way into covering a mid level rock band tour for "Rolling Stone." Now, that's a good gig for a 15 year old during any decade. In the 70's, this youngster lives the fantasy life of backstage passes to Black Sabbath, cross country bus tours, drunk and stoned band members, and groupies that will do anything to satisfy the rockers. Our mythical band is "Stillwater" that is a classic '70's rock group that was struggling to make it big and was having some success and is almost famous.
Billy Crudup as Russell is the lead guitar for the group and the one that young William becomes enmeshed with during the tour. Kate Hudson as Penny Lane finishes out the triangle. Penny is 16, looks 22, and acts 35. William is 15, looks 15, and acts 15. But the boy can write and hopes to make it big by getting the band and his story on the cover of "Rolling Stone." Russell, while chopped up on acid, explains to a group of partying fans that he is a god and proceeds to jump off a roof into a pool. The lead singer shares that rock 'n roll is "...a lifestyle...and the chicks are great." Those rockers are cool, man. If you have a fondness for the 70's and the craziness of rock 'n roll of the time and have ever been 15, then you have a chance to enjoy this film. This is a good bet for a rental for a Saturday night for you ole worn-out baby boomers. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
Ok, I admit it. I went to this flick because I thought it might have a few good shoot 'em up scenes. Well did I get my way or what? Yeah, right. "The Way of the Gun" could have been named "Mafia Baby," or "Blood Begets Blood," but writer Christopher McQuarrie ("The Usual Suspects") chose to use the word "Gun" because there were more guns and shoot-outs per square scene than any movie since "The Wild Bunch." If you ain't scared of a barrage of bullets and buckets of blood, then this movie is for you.
The setting is present day LA and Mexico. A rich and powerful underworld guy and his wife pay a woman (Juliette Lewis) $1 million to have their baby for them. The mother-to-be is guarded 24/7 by two bodyguards that know which end of the gun the bullets come out and they ain't scared to shoot. As a matter of fact, everyone in this movie fires a gazillion rounds. There are no good guys, just bad, but not real bad. They are not so bad that the audience will not be able to find some redeeming value in your average psychopathic killer. Each character has a certain amount of mean charm.
Our two "heroes" are Parker (Ryan Phillippe) and Longbaugh (Benicio Del Toro) who live a life of crime because they made the choice between "...petty crime and minimum wage." These two yahoos get the brainy idea to kidnap a pregnant woman and hold her and the "baby" for ransom. But they do not realize that the "parents" are Mr. and Mrs. Big. They hatch their kidnapping plan while at a sperm bank making a deposit to supplement their income. They no sooner start to implement their plan and they are face to face with the bodyguards with everyone's gun aimed at each other at point blank range. And the way of the gun is off to the races. The first brief gun battle probably involved 200-300 rounds exchanged. The good bad guys used 1911's and made many tactical reloads and towards the end of the movie are making reloads with one bloody hand while holding their pistol between their legs. Many subplots and twists and people showing up when least expected.
The writing and acting are excellent. These guys would do well at a 3-gun match: pistol ( high capacity) shotgun (high capacity) and rifle (automatic). Think of "Natural Born Killers" with a twist of "Pulp Fiction" and you might have an inkling of this crazy story. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H.
It's 4:20 pm and I'm just getting back to the office. And nobody missed me. I have not been to a movie in over two weeks. I have been working too hard. I am hereby giving notice to all judges, lawyers, and clients: please do not mess with me on Fridays - especially in the afternoon during the matinee. I know today is only Wednesday and it's golf day, but it's been raining. Besides, I gave up golf in the early 80's. It's movie time!
"Nurse Betty" is a piece of work that needs to be seen to be appreciated and understood. So I saw it. Renee Zellweger plays Nurse Betty who is a small town Kansas girl with a womanizer husband. She witnesses two hit men (Morgan Freeman and Chris Rock) murder her husband in their dining room. She does the only decent thing she could do: she loses touch with reality and heads to LA for her true love - Dr. David Ravell played by Greg Kinnear on a daily soap opera.
Zellweger is not really a nurse; she just plays one in real life. Kinnear is not really a doctor; he just plays one on TV. The movie moves in and out of reality with ease. The script by James Flamberg and John Richards is brilliant. The acting by the four main characters is superb. The first two thirds of the story is a little slow, but the plot is pretty complicated and needs much development. The last third of the flick is a nice ride.
Zellweger is great as the innocently charming Nurse Betty with bunny rabbit cuteness. The old veteran Freeman delivers the goods as the senior hit man that must shepherd the impulsive and younger Chris Rock. Kinnear is adequate. There are several themes: 1) reality bites; 2) no harm in charm; and 3) love conquers. This movie was a pleasant surprise. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I just got back to my law office and sat down to knock out my review for "The Crew" only to be met with a message from Norton Antivirus that I had a virus in Notepad and that the virus could not be quarantined. However, I was able to tell Norton to tell Notepad to stay "closed" until the computer guy could come to the rescue. Meanwhile, I trust that it's safe to send you people this email. Speaking of "Computer Guys"- mine is named Brian and he seems like a nice enough guy, but at times he has the same attitude as the the Computer Guy on Saturday Night Live. You know the type, they come in your office and start spouting off about the problem and then sidle up close to your chair and demand that you MOVE a la Chris Kattan SNL.............3 hours have passed since I typed the previous sentences. The computer guy is actually here as I type and he assures me that he has killed the virus. He is in the secretarial work area cleaning up that computer. It's late Friday afternoon and I am not happy.
"The Crew" stars Richard Dreyfuss, Burt Reynolds, Don Hedaya, and Seymour Cassel and they play some old worn-out wise guys who live in South Miami. They fake a murder and cause a war among drug lords. One of the drug lords comes after them. I wished he would have killed them. That would have been interesting. But nooooooo, they lived and did a lot of not funny stuff. This movie was suppose to be comical. As in make me laugh. It did not. I'm bitter. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 72. Larry H.
I was in a hurry to get to threatre #17 for the 1:00 pm opening day showing of "The Cell." I had already decided that I did not want any of the usual delights such as DP, popcorn etc. when I passed a pretty candy machine entitled "Willy Wonka's Secret Center Candy." Heck, it only costs 25 cents. Besides, I like to watch the little balls of candy drop in circles as it travels from the top down to about 9 inches above my feet. I bent over and got my yellow candy and popped it in my mouth and headed to find my seat with about five minutes to spare. At first I thought 'ole Willy had done me right. Tasted sweet and refreshing and then the Secret Center became exposed. Whoa, Nellie! Can you say sour, bitter, and phew-wee? Now, where do I spit it out? Got no paper. I bit in two pieces and place the halves gently on my ticket stub and sneaked it onto the floor near my left foot. I don't think anyone saw me. It's all part of moviegoing skills.
That secret center was the last light moment I encountered until I left the theatre. "The Cell" is intense with a capital "I." And completely without humor. Jennifer "Big Butt" Lopez is Catherine Deanne, a shrink that is doing research with other shrinks about entering people's mind through some little-explained gizmo that's a cross between a Cat Scan and a Time Machine. How it's done is not important. We are introduced to the complexities and dangers of journeying into another's mind when Lopez goes into the psyche of a young boy who has been in a coma for 18 months. Even the seemingly innocence of youth harbors some terrifying stuff that challenges the beautiful Lopez. I know that she is beautiful because the director made sure that we saw most of what Puff Daddy has been seeing lately.
While we are learning about the mind-traveling, we are also introduced to a team of FBI agents led by Vince Vaughn who are closing in on the capture of a viscous and cruel serial killer. Guess who's brain is next. The serial killer is nabbed and one of his female victims is still alive and she will die a tortuous death unless she can be found in time. Lopez agrees to travel into the mind of the killer.
Terrifying, brutal, scary, bloody, fast, interesting, suspenseful, hateful, and unrelenting. If you liked "Seven," "Silence of the Lambs," "Being John Malkovich," (without the humor) and LSD, then you might like this movie. We had about 20-25 in attendance. This will not be a box office bonanza.
Look for acclaims for special effects, sound, music, screenplay by Mark Protosevich, and directing by Tarsen Singh. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
I don't like Richard Gere. But what the heck - I thought I would give it a shot since the current stable of movies is a tad lacking. Sometimes I like Winona Ryder. The odds were against me. I had to be in court this morning so I wore a coat and tie to the theatre to lend a little dignity to the occasion and bring some good luck. So I'm sitting there in my little dapper blazer in theatre #2 at Loew's as the opening music and scenes begin and I'm thinking "...oh what I've done... I knew I should've gone to 'Hollow Man' ...here we are... Gere is a chef/restraunteur who falls in love (maybe) with Winona and ..." Need I say more? A chef? Anything but a chef!
And that hair! His not hers. Gere's hair is in the Robert Redford Hall of Fame of Hair. Winona doesn't have much from what I can tell. Gere is Will the ladies man age 48. She calls him a "womanizer." She/Charlotte explains that a womanizer is a man that has sex with a lot of women and lies about it. Winona/Charlotte is age 22...oops. They make a lot of age jokes.
Charlotte has a heart problem which is potentially fatal, but they strike up a meaningful and painful relationship anyway. Much of the character development between these two is classic, but Director Joan Chen does an outstanding job of presenting the story in pieces without beating us over the head with it. Writer Allison Burnett's words are snappy without being sappy. Charlotte is quirky and cute. Will is a cad. I can't tell you a lot about the movie because the revelations are part of the charm. I can tell you that the setting is: autumn - New York City. Can anybody say "Love Story"?
I called Mr. Webster and he is considering my suggestion that in the next edition of Webster's New College Dictionary that a small photo of Will and Charlotte embracing be placed as an inset near the definition of "chick flick." I cared about these characters and was rooting for certain results. I still do not like Richard Gere; I like Winona Ryder in a beautiful gown. There was about 60 people in attendance for this 1:00 pm showing and about 90% of them were women. This movie will be a small hit. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
August 4, 2000. It's time for my favorite inside sport - moviegoing. And I am back in the groove of going to a flick on Friday afternoon. I could not go as early as usual because of my day job, but I was still able to catch the 2:20 pm showing at Loew's. Somebody got my parking space, though. They obviously did not get the memo. Hot dog with catch-up and mustard, popcorn with butter, and a medium Dr. Pepper. The four major food groups. Sweet.
If you are over thirty, you need to seriously consider this movie. This movie has the following stars and characters:
Clint Eastwood - a 70'ish retired astronaut who was a hot shot pilot in 1958, but was skipped over for a space flight by NASA politics and a monkey who leads a group of ole farts into space because he insists that his has-been astronaut buds go with him to fix a Russia satellite with a broken guidance controller designed by Clint er Col. Frank Corvin. If you can buy into this premise, you're in.
Tommy Lee Jones - a crop duster stunt pilot who wears cowboy boots and a hat and has had a running feud with Col. Corvin for 40+ years. "Hawk" has the best body of the group and to emphasize this fact, Director Eastwood awards us with an extended scene with Tommy Lee wearing only a towel. The reason Tommy Lee has the best body on screen is because he's only a couple years older than Larry H, for pity sake.
Donald Sutherland - "Jerry" has a beautiful head of white hair with a pony tail and is a Rocky Roadster lo these 40 years later. Hits on all the girls. If you are wondering, the guys are all just playing caricatures of themselves. That's cool because that's what this movie is all about. Don't get confused about the space stuff and saving the world.
James Garner - "Tank" Hey, hasn't he played a part before where he owned an old army tank and he was in the army...? Of course he did. But this time he's running with Clint and he needs to be fourth banana. He's still cute and sweet.
Quiz for the day for 10 bonus points: what are the real names of these four actors? Answers: a) Dirty Harry b) Capt Woodrow F. Call c) Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce d) Maverick How many did you get right? Two or more - go see this flick. If you are under 30, you can not be trusted anyway so go see "Hollow Man" with a date.
This movie is also another example of the 80/20 Rule. You know this one - the first 80% of the movie is getting the old gang together and then doing some silly astronaut training, drink a few beers, kick a little butt, kiss a few babes. Then the last 20% is the adventure into space on STS 200 to do some really important rescue crap to help the Ruskies for reasons unknown. Hmmm.
Rock 'n Roll.Grade 86. Larry H.
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
I have been in a slump. I have not been to a movie for 28 days. Sounds like I've been in rehab. Nah, just the fam and the job. But I got a grip on things now and I'm back in the saddle again. Went to Loew's for the noon opening day showing of "The Klumps" starring Eddie Murphy and even got my assigned parking spot which is usually a good sign that the movie will be good.
So much for signs. I was dozing off within fifteen minutes of the opening credits. As soon as the newest scene of The Klumps eating and farting had ended, I was ready for some sack time. When I woke up, the plot had ....hmmmmm now let me think....oh yeah...something about drinking some DNA formula that makes people younger...er...I think. The crowd of 40-50 was subdued with pockets of laughter. Rarely did we laugh as a group. The Klumps would be great on SNL; bad for a full length movie. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...hang in there, you'll hit another one - be happy. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 SW. Larry H.
It's Friday June 30th and I am way behind schedule. Monique H. and I had just dropped off Eric H. at IAH so he could fly to London to perform for two weeks with the Fort Bend Boys Choir in and around the UK. And Monique has been looking forward to seeing "The Perfect Storm" (she likes disaster movies) and now she wants to go with Larry H to the 4:00 o'clock showtime. We reviewed the rules and she agreed to them all, but she insisted on sitting by me. Being the loving husband that I am, said "ok, you can sit by me, but please don't talk or ask questions or try to smooch or lean over and whisper sweet nothings in my ear." She agreed. I hadn't scooped up my second handful of popcorn when she started talking and touching. She was trying to make me laugh and you know how funny she can be. Well, it was pretty rough; about as rough as the sea in the movie. Then, after the show when we were walking out and even in the car on the way home, she continued to blurt out her opinions about the movie and said (and I'm not kidding) "...well, I'm as good a movie critic as you are..." A hush fell over the crowd; I was stunned. Some people! I gathered my wits and bellowed an edict: "...you are banished from the movies for six months." Perhaps that will give her time to regain her sanity.
"The Perfect Storm" is a very well done disaster film. The story of three storms coming together to form the perfect storm is based on events that actually happened in October, 1991. There are various subplots and stories, but the main story line is based on the sword fishing ship "Andrea Gail" out of Gloucester, MA, whose ship captain has had the fishing luck of Santiago and is caught in this hellish storm with a big catch and is willing to take the risk of sailing through the storm in order to save his lucrative cargo. The first major portion of the film is spent in character development, but the time is well invested because the turmoil and tragedies of the fishermen and their families delivers the proper amount of suspense and emotional reaction to the audience. The giant waves and wind that toss the ships high into the air and then slam them down again is terrifying. These waves are as big as "ten story buildings." Scenes of heroism and sadness jump back and forth as Director Wolfgang Petersen skillfully keeps us on the edge of our seat.
The big winner is George Clooney who plays the ship's captain. Clooney manages to bring believability without overdoing it or trying too hard to dominate his scenes; the mark of a seasoned superstar. Georgie Boy has reached the point in his career when he can perform with the confidence of Redford or Newman without worrying about his next gig. The supporting cast is solid. However, I do not like Mark Whalberg, one of the main characters and a crew member, so I put him in the "I don't like that actor and it doesn't matter how good his performance is, I can't get over the fact that I don't like the boy" category. This movie is/will be a huge box-office hit and all your friends will be talking about it so go see it. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
Around 2:30 pm today/June 28th, I left the office and told the staff that I was going "down the hall." And I did go down the hall and out the back door, got in my jeep and boogied over to the flicks to catch opening day of "The Patriot."
About forty minutes into this 160 minutes film, I had mass quantities of tears in my eyes, breathing slow and heavy, hands clasped tightly, and sweating slightly. I knew I was in trouble; I thought "...oh jeez, it's only been 40 minutes and I'm in this state of mind...I'm dead meat." Well, I finished the movie, but it was an emotional struggle because of the reality of death and sadness that can only result from a marvelous story, great acting and directing, and near perfect character development.
The Patriot is Capt. Benjamin Martin (Mel Gibson) who is a happy farmer/widower in 1776 South Carolina with seven children and he does not want to fight any more wars. His neighbors and the thirteen colonies, however, are willing to fight and they tee it up with the Red Coats led by General Cornwallis. One of the British colonels (Jason Isaacs) who is ruthless and viscous kills one Martin's sons by shooting him in the back in front of the entire family and drags off his oldest son for hanging. This is the first of three scenes that brought me to tears. The colonel shouldn't oughta killed the boy because now The Patriot is very unhappy, and he and his sons ages about 8 and 10 in attempt to save the son about to be hanged, attack twenty British soldiers. Martin merely tells his young sons while hiding in the woods for the Red Coats to come down the trail to remember "...to shoot the officers first and aim small and miss small." This is a terrifying scene. Martin kills about twelve of the British soldiers with a Cherokee tomahawk while in hand to hand combat. He is covered in blood. This show is very bloody and has much sadness and brutality.
There is a fine line between stupidity and bravery and fear and courage and this epic classically displays the human turmoil that man faces when trying to justify killing another person during wartime. There are plenty of heroic moments, but Director Roland Emmerich and writer Robert Rodat give the audience plenty of opportunities to regret the death and meanness, yet glorify the victory of a fledgling nation and a "new beginning."
Love. The Martin family of eight will win you over and never let go of you. The oldest son, Gabriel, played by Heath Ledger is a hero in his own right and is an ideal alter ego for his warrior dad when needed. The Continental Army was in large part a militia made up of farmers and neighbors who were willing to volunteer to fight for their independence from King George. Martin is granted a field commission as colonel and leads the South Carolina Militia who bring their own rifles and bullets to the war. Releasing this movie during the Independence Day holiday period is no accident and the crowds will be enormous. This movie has huge potential for Academy nominations. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 95. Larry H.
June 23, 2000 - movie #2. "Chicken Run" is claymation. These really cute, dare I say adorable, chickens are in chicken concentration camp and they get their heads chopped off if they do not lay eggs timely. So what's a chicken to do? Escape! They first try the usual tricks of the trade: digging under fences, acting like humans and just walking out, digging tunnels, etc. But to no avail; the mean 'ole chicken farm owner lady and overseer catch them and throw them in the "cooler" just like Steve McQueen in the "The Great Escape." The Steve McQueen Chicken even throws a ball/vegetable up against the cooler wall. Very clever. Things are not going well and the chickens (about 40-50) are becoming depressed and desperate. You know how a chicken gets all funky and sad.
But alas, here comes a flying rooster from Rhode Island. A Rhode Island Red, oh my. The Red has the voice of Mel Gibson. That's cool. And the rooster starts trying to teach the chickens to fly and stuff and I am getting really groggy and I say to myself: "Hey, Larry H., do you have the guts to walk two movies in less than an hour?" Piece of cake. Bye, bye. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H.
June 23, 2000. One week till "The Perfect Storm." My day started off great. Went to the pistol range and took a competitive shooting class from Jeff O., a local Grand Master Class shooter and excellent teacher. However, please do not tell any of my shooting buddies because taking a class to improve one's competitive edge is bad for my sandbagger rep. After shooting, I hurried back to the office to "put out fires" and make it look like I was in charge and getting a lot of work done by signing letters and barking orders to staff. I love Fridays!
Then I went to see the latest Jim Carrey flick. I am a fan; I am not tasteless and stupid. I can do "Dumb and Dumber." Loved "Ace Ventura." But there's only ONE word of advice for the Farrelly brothers who co-directed this movie: you suck! Hey, Jim, you are not invincible.
The story: Carrey is a spineless, whiny Rhode Island State Trooper that rides a motorcycle, gets married to a white woman whom he loves dearly, she has three black children/boys because she became impregnated by the black dwarf limo driver, the wife runs off, the three boys and Charlie (Carrey) stay together and say little funny/witty things to each other, Charlie develops a split personality and becomes Hank the outgoing confident jerk who hits on the fox of the show (Renee I like to wear my shirts really tight Zellweger), the EPA (that's right. the Environmental Protection Agency) is after the fox as a witness because her boyfriend Dickie has done something really horrible, and ...I don't give a rat's foot. About this time, I say to Me, Myself, and Larry H., "...I wonder if I walk out of here right now, can I catch the beginning of 'Chicken Run.' Heck yeah.
I'm outta here." Rock 'n Roll.Grade 69 W. Larry H.
Who's the Man? SHAFT! John Shaft. Now sing that with a silky smooth bass voice and you, too, can be Isaac Hayes. Make no mistake about it, one of the exciting aspects of this movie is the latest rendition of "Shaft" sung by the Big I. The opening scenes with Hayes singing "Shaft" and close ups of a Beretta 92 and its bullets and magazine as a backdrop and I knew we were in for nice ride.
Samuel L. Jackson, we just call him SLJ, is The Man - Shaft. He's cool and bad. And he will break your nose and shoot you if you deserve a good beatin' and/or killin'. Right is on Shaft's side. Breaking the law and/or policies of the NYPD do not slow down Detective John Shaft in his quest to put punks behind bars. Especially, if the punk is a rich, racist, white dude who brutally murders an unsuspecting Black guy and then beats the rap by jumping bail. Shaft is not happy and he turns in his badge by throwing it at the judge, literally, and by handing over his service pistol to a fellow police officer, and then casually reaches down to his ankle holster and pulls out his Kahr 9 mm backup piece and marches off do justice. Shaft uses his carry/backup gun throughout the rest of the movie and kills lots of bad guys with his Kahr 9; many of his deadly rounds are fired strong hand only and he even reloads with fresh magazines just to show that he's human. Lots of "F" bombs and blood; no sex.
Shaft dresses so cool; I can't hardly stand it. I'm definitely getting an Armani leather jacket like Shaft. The only question is whether my jacket will be three-quarter or full length. The jacket in particular is the one he is wearing near the end while standing in front of the courthouse. When you see it, you'll find yourself saying, "...man, Larry H. would look fine in that." Thank you very much.
Other supporting cast members are mostly right of central casting. That's ok; because Shaft ain't out of central casting unless you think there are many bald-headed SLJ's. Not. Richard Roundtree as SLJ's older and more sage Uncle Shaft is back and is still suave as a private investigator. Here's the difference between the two Shafts: Roundtree walks out of this bar with two beautiful babes on either arm and SLJ hooks up with an old flame that had been rode kinda hard and is working as the bartender. The big winner career wise will be Venessa Williams who turns in a stellar performance as fellow officer Carmen Vasquez. Williams is on a roll. She just had a baby in real life and is married to Rick Fox who plays for the soon-to-be world champion Los Angeles Lakes. She probably gets to sit by Jack at Laker games - occasionally. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
Gone in 60 SecondsI should have been gone in 60 seconds. But I made some tactical errors. I let the wife and boy tag along to Loew's for this opening. Fourteen years ago today, June 9th, in the afternoon, about the time I am typing these comments, Monique H. and I were at Memorial Southwest Hospital for the blessed event of the arrival of Eric H. I regret that we did not have a better movie to see today for Eric's sake, but I had seen the good movies that are currently out, and who would think that Jerry Bruckheimer could take this talented cast and produce a stinker. I would think, that's who.
The tactical error was allowing someone else (Eric H.) to convince me to stay for the ending of a movie when I preferred to walk out. The boy needs more training in this movie watchin' sport. Monique was ready to "walk." I'm proud of her development. If one fails to walk when one should, then the God Bomb Theory is much more likely to kick in. I knew I was in trouble early in this flick when Nicolas Cage's character was trying to console his mom about some sad stuff and she was crying and I felt like she was just a whiner baby. Then, the whole premise was torpedoed for me when I realized that Cage and his gang had to steal fifty cars in three days in order to save his brother from death, and I did not think stealing the cars was worth it. Let the brother die!
The "gang" was pitiful. I don't mind stories about robbing banks or killing a few folks if they need killin', but I don't think stealing cars is funny or glamorous. Great cast: Giovanni Ribisi, Robert Duvall, Delroy Lindo, Will Patton, and Angelina I Have Bigger Lips Than Julia And Please Daddy Voigt Stop Me Now Before I Procreate With My New Hubby Billy Bob Thorton Because I Must Have Been Crazy To Marry Him Jolie. Jolie is the absolute winner for "Trash Fox." And we need a trashy fox in Hollywood that can act, and I am glad that we have her. I don't normally care a twit about who is married to whom, but this Jolie/Thorton union fascinates me. I plan to monitor this one. I'll keep you posted. I like both of them.
If you can visualize a 1967 Shelby GT 500, go see this movie. Other interesting thoughts on this movie are: Eric and I devoured the cheese sticks. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 65. Larry H.
It's Memorial Day weekend and congrats to all my high school senior buds graduating today and tomorrow. As soon as the ceremony is over, go see this movie. It's a hoot. Slapstick belly laughs. Opening scene is 1881 in the Forbidden City, China, and the royal princess is about to leave for America and the wild west. She is promptly kidnapped and the Emperor must send over 100 pieces of gold for a ransom. The Emperor chooses three of his bravest royal guards to the task of saving the princess. However, a fourth guard insists that he must also go to America to save her. The emperor figures he will let this fourth guard tag along and maybe the crazy Americans will kill him and the Chinese will be rid of him. This hapless, humble servant guard/hero is none other than Jackie Chan as Chon Wang - get it? John Wayne! If you can buy in on this plot just a little bit, you will laugh big time.
Chon Wang gets in one mess after another as he treks across the West in his quest to find the princess in Carson City, Nevada, where ever that is, as Wang has no clue. He hooks up with some Indians, smokes some peyote, marries a squaw, and kicks butt of everybody that comes in contact with him even though he is a man of peace. The cowboys do not understand or respect this China Man and the expected rumbles ensue.... Jackie Chan as star and executive producer has hit the mother lode with this flick.
The brightest aspect of the story is his "partnership" with a local train robber Roy O'Bannon that acts and combs his golden hair like Robert Redford's Sundance Kid. This movie is one giant spoof and tongue in cheek that really cooks; the audience of 200+ was howling. None louder than Larry H.
The Sundance Kid character (Owen Wilson) is a wonderful combo of a whiny introspective Woody Allen, a pinch of fancy classic cowboy Roy Rogers and Gary Cooper, The Three Stooges, Butch Cassidy/Sundance Kid, and a nose reminiscent of Karl Malden.
The writing of Alfred Gough and Miles Millar is fabulous. This movie has classic/cult potential. What a great way to start off the holiday weekend. I love America! Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 90. Larry H.
May 24th Opening Day just in time for the expected Memorial Weekend crowds. This movie probably will do well at the box-office based upon a large 3:20 pm crowd at AMC, but its success will be in spite of its content. Little Tommy Cruise and Director John Woo-Woo should be ashamed of this piece of crap.
Dialogue: stupid. Examples - waiter/spy hands the girl a book in the middle of a horse racing crowd and she obligingly opens the book and sees a small ear piece inside and a typed written message "Put this in your ear." I'm dying if I'm lying. Next brilliant line by Cruise's Ethan Hunt whispered sexily to the heroine Thandie Newton (I do not know her character's name and I don't care) "...damn your beautiful." The reason such a line was uttered was to assure us that this young woman was worthy of being a starlet in MI2; otherwise, we would not have known she was beautiful because she was not. No meat on her bones. Beauty school drop out. Couldn't act either. Other than that, Woo and Cruise should be proud of their choice.
Plot: this guy (who use to be hooked up with Ms. No Beauty) masterminds (I'm trying to be kind) the theft of a virus that kills folks. Ooooooh, I'm so scared. Ethan must stop this villain!
Saving Grace: best set of handguns used and displayed/close ups this decade. Cruise even performs a speed reload of his 92 FS Berretta while firing a pistol in either hand. Also, Little Tommy accurately shot his pistol weak handed while driving a motor cycle/dirt bike with the other hand. Steve McQueen could only dream of the speed and jumps by Cruise on his bike.
Saving Grace 2: once again we are treated to MI's computer guru in the form of "Pulp Fiction's" Ving "I'm gonna go medieval on your ...." Rhame.
Saving Grace 3: none. Ok, maybe the fight scenes when Cruise kicks folks in the head repeatedly instead of shooting them and retrieves his pistol by kicking it up out of the sand, catching it as he is turning in mid air, taking aim, and shoots the bad guy behind him even though the bad guy was in the act of squeezing the trigger. Now that's fast!
Eric H. accompanied me on this much anticipated opening day of MI2 and we enjoyed our Skittles.
Rock 'n Roll.Grade 73. Larry H.
It's "Animal House" meets "There's Something About Mary." Gross fun college jokes/pranks/sounds rolled into sex, lies, and videotapes. Josh the University of Ithaca stud has pledge his loyalty to his childhood sweetheart, a coed at the University of Austin (Texas). Josh gets confused and has a roll in the hay with Beth the fox also a student at Ithaca. Beth and Josh video their encounter(s) and the video accidentally is mailed to sweet Tiffany in Austin. Oops.
What can a guy do in a terrible situation like this other than declare a "Road Trip!" and get two of his buds to go with him to Austin to intercept the video before Tiffany sees it. Oh yeah, also get your nerdy friend with a car to come along so the group can abuse his car and credit card because whilst you may be a stud with raging harmones, you are poor. These four outstanding college boys take off for Austin which is a mere 1800 miles away and have fun and fireworks on the way.
Stars: none. Executive Producer: Ivan Reitman. Dialogue: clever.
If you are under 25, and of either sex, go see this flick. If you are as old as Larry H., perhaps go to this movie, but act like you really did not like it because of the alcohol, drugs, sex, and general decadence. And then get everyone you know not to tell the preacher that you were laughing heartily at this drivel and liked all the characters, even the college guy (8 years at Ithaca undergraduate) that did not go on the road trip, but graciously agreed to feed the python "...a mouse on Saturday" and somehow the mouse ends up in his mouth. Belushi would have been proud of this group. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H.
The God Bomb Theory has not kicked in for quite a while, so I was delighted when I realized that I still had it in me to pray to God to please send down a bomb and blow up these characters and the story itself. Johnny Travolta is a alien monster with dreadlocks circa 3000 A.D. Earthlings are referred to as man animals and rat brains. Rise up humans and save yourself from distinction or let the aliens kill you all. Frankly, I don't care. Just get outta here. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 78. Larry H.
Very emotional and feel good. A 36 year old NYPD cop finds his family's old ham radio and talks to his New York fireman dad (Dennis Quaid) who has been dead for 30 years. The movie masterfully jumps between the present and the past. As a father of a 13 year old boy and a son of a father who has been dead for 20 years, this story ripped my heart out. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 93. Larry H.
I got to the theatre very early because I had just dropped off the boy for a 10 hour out-of-town bus trip for a performance with the Fort Bend Boys Choir and the wife is in the Texas Hill Country with her mother "Maw Maw" so, "...when the cats are gone the mouse will...." I bought an extra big popcorn because of my early arrival. When the house lights are up one can see quite well. I noticed a dude on my row about 10 seats to my right was really enjoying his popcorn. He was about 235 pounds, 5'9'', had a gut on him that would hold a case of beer, and was eating his popcorn very daintily - using only the index and middle finger in addition to his right thumb. Sometimes only retrieving a single kernel and gingerly placing it in his mouth. On the other hand, Larry H. was using all five digits on his left hand; stirring the corn like a bucket on a drag line and then shoveling it in like the event was contested. Early arrivals cause one's mind to wander. I'm a professional moviegoer, so I try to arrive thirty seconds before the house lights go down. I don't have time to waste even though this is May 6th/Saturday afternoon. I did not get my assigned parking spot which is always a bad sign.
"I Dreamed of Africa" is based on a true story about the life of Kuki Gallmann played by the beautiful Kim I've Recently Won The Big One So I Can Carry A Movie By Myself Basinger. Kuki and her new husband Paolo (Vincent Perez) and her darling little tike of a boy move to Kenya to live and experience the vast landscapes, the culture, the lions and tigers and yada, yada, yada. This film was one cliché scene piled on top of the next unimaginative scene. When this cute little family moved into their fix-it-up home in Kenya with a broken-down windmill, I said "if the husband takes his shirt off and climbs up on that windmill, I'm outta here." Ok, so I talked myself out that and said "if that little brat's dog goes off in the night because the family is startled by a lion's growl and the lion rips its guts out'... at least they didn't call the dog "Old Yeller." The rest of the show was about....shoot I don't know, I walked!
This is a movie one should watch on video with a significant other on a really slow Saturday night, not Saturday afternoon, when one has seen all the current releases at Blockbuster and out of desperation one sighs "...oh what the heck, let's give that Kim Basinger movie a chance...I've always been fascinated with Africa." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 69 W. Larry H
May 5, 2000, 11:00 am Tenseltown. When I arrived in the theatre only moments before the show begins, I am aghast that the crowd already seated is as big as the morning crowd at Loew's on opening day of Episode I of Star Wars. This flick will be a mega-hit. I'm talking in the "Sixth Sense" $200+ million category. And deservedly so.
The opening scene is 180 A.D. Germania when the Roman army of 5,000 is about to conquer the last pocket of resistance to the super powerful Roman Empire. The Romans are led by Maximus (Russell I'm a New Superstar Crowe) who is revered by his soldiers for his courage and leadership not unlike the reverence bestowed on the great General Robert E. Lee. Also on the scene is Caesar Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) who loves Maximus like a son. Caesar's real son, Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) is not happy about this arrangement. Maximus announces to his troops to "...prepare to unleash hell..." and that's just what they did. Heads did roll, literally. Maximus is a big hero to the troops and the people and the dying Caesar wants to bestow power on the reluctant Maximus instead of his son Commodus. Commodus gets wind of this scenario and, in spite of his deep need for his father's love and approval, kills his father before Maximus can take over. Max's career really takes a turn for the worse now that junior is in charge and ends up as a slave.
The owner of the slaves/gladiators is Proximo (Oliver Reed) who knows the entertainment value of selling his gladiators who fight till the death so the crowd/mob will be amused. Much blood and guts. Maximus as a gladiator is the best at killing other folks in the provinces as well during his "performance" at the Colosseum. The crowd loves him and not Commodus. Commodus is not happy yet again.
I was considering being a gladiator before I saw this movie. Not anymore. Those gladiators get all cut up and usually die soon and before the match some dude gives them these words of encouragement: "...go and die with honor." Pass. But the brutality of the life of a gladiator is important to the story and very well done.
The acting, story, editing, cinematography, stunts, and special effects are spectacular. Others who will say that this movie is good, but it does not measure up to the classics like "Spartacus" and "Ben Hur" miss the point. "Gladiator" is the new measuring stick. We have a big winner with numerous nominations including Best Picture, Actor, and Director. It's a must see! Rock 'n Roll
Grade 94. Larry H.
Ok, so there was this rabbi and a priest and this real tall blonde babe.... That's it folks and it cooks. It's only April 14th and we have a winner! This movie is the ultimate in "forbidden love." The babe is none other than Jenna "Dharma" Elfman and her forbidden beaus in the forms of Ben "Something About Mary" Stiller and Edward "American History X" Norton. They are Anna Reilly, Rabbi Jake Schram, and Father Brian Finn - been buds since the eighth grade in Upper West Side New York when Anna moves to California with her fam, but returns as a big shot corporate type and a full blown body that brings out the best in the little boys that have grown into very successful religious leaders. All three are hip, smart, good looking, and very conflicted. We wouldn't have it any other way.
The character development is right on the mark. I liked all three of them very much as well as the supporting cast that included Eli "The Ugly" Wallach as an elderly rabbi and Anne "Mrs. Robinson" Bancroft as Jake's Jewish mother. I thought this was going to be a slap stick, stupid movie that was merely cashing in on the reps of its stars so as to attract the teenager bucks, and I almost went to see "28 Days" with Sandra B. That would have been a mistake to miss this wonderful romance that had just the right mix of laughs, sadness, joy, heartbreak, doubts, and tears.
Ben Stiller's hair was spiked and I thought maybe he still had some "goo" leftover, but his performance was his patented powerful understatement. Elman was sexy, sassy, and sweet without over doing it and managed a delicate balance. Norton played a boy scout-like priest which is a far cry from his explosive Neo-nazi character in "American History X." Norton was also the director. These three and the movie will win many awards such as MTV and People's Choice, but no Academy Awards because it too cool and Cary Grant for the academy. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 92. Larry H.
April 7th and we're in the slow time. The Academy Awards have just been announced so the "spring" movies are on the prowl. No biggies are ever released until at least Memorial Day. I don't care; I am a movie freak and it's Friday and I'm going to the flicks - as soon as I get finished going to he pistol range (sometimes) at 8:30 am, then rush back to the office to put out fires and hurry to the 1:15 showing at Loew's. As you can see, the start time of the movies are key to my Friday schedule and I begin mapping out my day each Friday before breakfast based primarily on the most convenient start times of the new-release movie. I dutifully arrived at Loew's a few minutes early and attempted to purchase my ticket when the young female attendant said "...that movie has been anceled....the reel/film just arrived at the theatre and we have not had time to test it...blah, blah, blah...." And I, being the quick wit that I am, retorted "you're kidding!" And she said "no, it's true, but here is a pass for a free coke." The first phase of "grief" is "denial" and I am very good at that phase, and so I sadly wandered out of the theatre having given up on catching another flick at Loew's, not knowing really what to do with myself. I walked to my parking spot and started the 'ole Jeep and instinctively headed toward AMC.
As I got closer to AMC, I started feeling better even though I knew that "Rules of Engagement" had started at 1:00 pm, and it was now 1:30 pm. And then it struck me, "hey, I'm Larry H....coming in 5-20 minutes late on a movie is not an obstacle for one of these formula movies...we all know that the embassy at Yemen is attacked and Samuel L. Jackson as the commanding officer is accused of murder. As I buy my ticket at AMC, the young male attendant assumes that I am going to the 2:00 pm showing of "Rules of Engagement" and being the quick wit that I am, retort, "no, I am going to the 1:00 o'clock show." As I sit down, the embassy is under attack and Colonel Childers (Jackson) is aking heavy enemy fire from snipers (and/or the protesting crowd) and is trying to rescue the ambassador and his family while four marines are getting killed. Colonel Childers then orders his marines to open fire and many civilians are killed. This all happened within minutes of my arrival. I didn't miss a thing. Dang, I'm good...and lucky.
Ok, so now the government types in DC are upset that the US looks bad and they need a scapegoat. They charge SLJ with murder etc. and the good colonel requests his old Vietnam combat buddy Tommy Lee Jones to represent him. And that's the movie - the JJ boys (Jackson and Jones) perform in a completely predictable plot and the reputation of springtime movies is intact. But the important thing is that Larry H. got to see a movie without screwing up his whole day which really is the important thing, wouldn't you agree? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 81. Larry H.
March 24, 2000, opening day for "Erin Brockovich." Did I say opening day? I meant last Friday was the premier, but I was Springin'...I was Breakin'... and just couldn't go see Julia I'm the Most Powerful Woman in Hollywood and I Have Big Lips and That Ain't All Roberts until today. And the crowds are still pretty healthy. This will gross $150+ million easily and that's how Ms. Roberts becomes powerful. Money talks. If she got $20 million for this flick, she'll get $30 million next time and a piece of the action. Speaking of action, one of the producers is Danny DeVito; he and Rhea are getting fat - 'ole Danny Boy has more deals cookin' than Bob Hope.
Julia is Erin. Based on a true story, Erin is a single mom of three who goes to work for a small plaintiff's law firm. The senior partner of the firm is Ed Masry (Albert Finney) and he reluctantly hires Erin even though she's rude, crude, and says whatever comes to mind. She cusses a lot and wears low cut tops and tight short skirts which adds depth to her charm. Julia can make cheap look good.
So Erin and Ed take on Pacific Gas and Electric in a water-contaminated toxic tort case involving 600+ plaintiffs who have nose bleeds, headaches, various types of cancer, and my personal favorite Hodgkin's Disease because the PG&E plant has been polluting the water system of a small town in California. Erin takes on the Goliath with blind faith and deep feelings and Ed is just trying to do the Lord's work by achieving truth, justice, and another one of my personal favorites - a large pile of money. The two of them are in way over their heads and at times appear more like Cleavage and Butthead, but we love 'em anyway. The story is about Erin's efforts to uncover the goings-on of PG&E and her relationship with her kids, boyfriend, and the people involved in the case. Julia is right for this role, but the story is merely a simple feel-good Capraesque flick. A little too long. My gut is that you people will have a variety of reactions when you see the movie. I liked it. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 87. Larry H.
It's Saturday afternoon and things are going a little slow so I thought I would catch a flick to raise my spirits. I don't try to alter my emotions by going to movies; that would be addictive! I parked adjacent to the new Assisted Living complex under construction near the First Colony AMC. I have already made a reservation for the time that I reach my Golden Years and I'm spitting in my soup. I'll just have the staff bring my golf cart around front and then hop over to AMC 24 and go to the movies every day. What a deal!
Mona is the Divine Miss M. Bette Midler is the shrew of all shrews in this story and every one seems to have a motive to kill her, but who done it? Danny DeVito, the local chief of police, is the only one that cares enough to question the circumstance of the untimely death of Mona Dearly. In the opening scene Mona drives her Yugo off a cliff and into the river and drowns. The town of Verplanck, NY, many years ago, was used as a market test town for the frumpy little car the Yugo, so everyone in town drives one. Some are two door and some are four door and all are dirty. Mona's son is missing his right hand and the speculation for its loss runs from "lost it in a chipper accident...buzz saw... fish ate it...or Mona cut it off." You are starting to see a trend in this quaint little town. Dead pan humor rules.
Jamie Lee Curtis is a waitress at the local greasy spoon and she wears a classic tight waitress' dress, black high top tennis shoes, apron, plastic jacket, and a filtered cigarette dangles from her lips. And she is very hot to trot. And she trots with more than one. Mona's husband has skimpy lamb chop sideburns - nuff said. Neve Campbell is DeVito's daughter and is impregnated by her finance Bobby (Casey Affleck) who is partners with the one-hand guy in a lawn maintenance business that has a sign on the door of its pickup "Lawns, Hedges, Snow, Stuff." If you want stupid humor that will cause a chuckle on a lazy Saturday afternoon then you are in luck. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H.
3.10.2000. That's the way science fiction martian guys write the date. I got my parking spot at Loew's in the rear at the light pole. Believe it or not, sometimes I do not get my parking spot and I get real puffy. I suppose some folks do not get the memos. I figure that it's good luck to get my "assigned" parking space, so I immediately start thinking that the movie will be a winner based on that event alone even though other less qualified critics have ripped this movie. Not Larry H., though. This movie had 'em squirming in their seats and leaving the theatre quietly. The crowd was about 50 which is pretty good size for a 11:50 am Friday start time. Other critics do not have the scientific tools that I use to judge a hit movie. I am a moviegoer; not some know-it-all fancy pants network wannabe movie critic. Uh oh, I think I went too far.
Dickinson, Texas, circa 2020, is the opening scene for our three main characters to demonstrate that they are real good buds and hot shot astronauts and wear NASA gear to a Mars send-off party. The dialogue in this movie is trite; the story is big fun. This is science fiction, so special effects and imaginative conquests are suppose to rule. So don't get your panties in a wad and compare it to "2001," "Close Encounters," etc., just sit back and enjoy the show. It's the story stupid! Not Brian De Palma.
Tim "Shawshank" Robbins is the commander and the right seat pilot is Gary "Lt. Dan I've Been Pumpin' Some Iron Lately" Sinise and they are going to save their bud Luke (Don Cheadle) who has been stranded at Cydonia, Mars, for 13 months because something very mysterious and catastrophic has happened so our heroes need to get on their horse and go save Luke. Robbins takes his astronaut wife, Connie Nielson, which is a good gig. Monique H. and I are thinking about going into space next year, but we are going to Venus which is where she's from.
Sinise has come a long way since playing Tom Hanks' second banana and he is the central character of this rescue mission to Mars and the mysteries of life. The "Mission to Mars" web page reveals that for centuries we have been looking for the origins of life, but have been "looking on the wrong planet." What could that possibly mean?
I liked all the characters and the 15-20 minute sequence immediately before the mission makes it to Mars is awesome. Houston, we have a problem! Bravo to De Palma and the cinematography is outstanding. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 90. Larry H.
My timing was perfect. Got up from my desk about two minutes before the movie was suppose to start per the newspaper and headed for Loew's. We all know that the movie previews start at that appointed time; not the actual movie. So I have learned through experience and my quest to be efficient, to rush to the theatre with the intent to walk in the theatre and pick out my seat as the loud brass music (Loew's) is playing while the beautiful people are waving to the crowd as they walk on the red carpet. When this happens at Loew's, the movie will be starting within seconds. Well, I hit it perfectly; I entered theatre #16 at that moment and the movie started and the house lights went down as my butt hit the seat. I'm good. The movie was bad
Ben Affleck gets out of prison and pretends to be his cell mate so he can shack up with Charlize Theron and the two of them are forced to rob a casino by Gary "Lt. Dan" Sinise. There are some twists and turns, sex, blood, and the best assortment of guns in a movie in a while. This flick is lame. Director John Frankenheimer should be ashamed. He's to blame. My back hurts. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 78. Larry H.
Mafia 2000. Hungarian mafia from Chicago. Bruce Willis is Jimmy "the Tulip" Tudeski who has killed 17 people and recently gotten out of prison. He only did a nickel because he ratted out the big boss man whose son Yanni Gogolack (Kevin Pollack) is seeking revenge and wants to kill the Tulip and his estrange wife. The Tulip moves into a Montreal suburban house next door to the scared-of-his-shadow dentist Dr. Nick "Os" Oseransky (Matthew Perry). Os and his wife hate each other and death would help the situation. Luckily, a hit man now lives next door. Or is that lucky?
All characters are caricatures. Os's wife played by Rosanna Arquette has the funniest accent possible and yet still able to keep a straight face. Ditto for tough guy Pollack when he refers to Jimmy with a slight lisp as "...Yimmy and his vife (wife)." Os's dental assistant (Amanda "Big Teeth" Peet) wants to be a contract killer so she agrees to work as an understudy with her idol, the Tulip. Get the picture? It's slapstick farce and big funny. I laughed so hard I got indigestion. Probably didn't help that I ate a large order of Loew's famous cheese sticks and a gallon of Dr. Pepper.
Matthew Perry is charming and silly much like his Chandler on "Friends" and this flick will fare well for his comedic career on the big screen. Willis is wonderful and sports a delightful array of pistols necessary for his trade. Tulip's right-hand man is Michael Clarke I'm Nominated For An Oscar And You Will See Me In A Really Fine Tux on March 26th For My Part In "The Green Mile" Duncan - Frankie Figgs. Tulip's wife is a new fox that I had not heard of - Natasha Henstridge. A lot of those foxes are named "Natasha." All actors do well and are likable which is a tribute to Director Jonathan Lynn. My only complaint is that the ending dragged on about ten minutes too long. Still it's only 98 minutes; 88 minutes would have been better.
This is my kind of movie; absolutely zero redeeming social value and funny. This is the funniest movie about a dentist since Alan Arkin in "The In Laws." Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 89. Larry H.
I was horrified yesterday morning as I watched the Academy Awards nominations announced live. I had not even seen one of the movies nominated for Best Picture. I vowed to see it quickly so I could then pan it because we all know that you people are paying me the big bucks to keep up with these things and at least keep you informed even if I don't agree with Hollywood. I figured that since I had not seen this film that it must be some sort of silly Hollywood quirky choice; otherwise Larry H. would have already seen it. Wrong theatre breath! This movie is worthy of its nomination(s). Seven nominations to be exact. Thus far, however, it's grossed a measly $23 million. Of course, that's before Larry H. got on the band wagon. AMC theatre # 17 - February 16, 2000. Note: Happy Birthday to Mabel H. today who is seventy something!!!
The screenplay is adapted from a John Irving novel about an orphanage in Maine during the early 1940's. The various children want a family to adopt them very badly and will try to act adorable when a potential couple tours the place even though they are deeply loved and cared for by Dr Wilbur Larch (Michael Caine) and two nurses. Dr. Larch is a maverick and performs illegal abortions rather than see young mothers deliver unwanted babies. Abortion is an issue. But the movie is about the lives of the people at the orphanage and in particular the oldest of the clan - Homer Wells (Tobey Maguire). Dr Larch teaches young Homer to perform most functions of a medical doctor even though he has not completed high school. Everyone loves Homer; especially the ether-sniffing Dr. Larch. But Homer is now a young man and must "..go into the world." He leaves the orphanage with the experience and personality of a John Boy Walton and has not even seen the ocean and he lives in Maine!
Ole Homer does not have a plan. He gets a job as an apple picker and falls in love with Candy (Charlize Theron) whose boyfriend is off fighting in W.W.II. Meanwhile, Dr. Larch keeps things together at the orphanage and is broken-hearted because he thinks Homer is not coming back to take over the running of the orphanage. Homer befriends the migrant workers and runs into a nest of forbidden love and gets in over his head in several directions.
Homer and the migrant workers live in a house where they also make apple cider and on the wall is a list of "don'ts" which is entitled the "Cider House Rules." This movie is about love. Love is a sure winner if the big screen can pull it off, and this one does. The characters are wonderfully flawed and human with just the right mix of charm and emotion. Bring kleenex. I was on the edge of my seat and found that I was nervously squeezing my hands together and twisting fingers when things got rough.
Michael Caine is wonderful; he's got a great shot at Best Supporting Actor. So does Director Lasse Hallstrom. Ok, so I made a mistake and did not see this movie in a timely fashion - I'm glad my two o'clock appointment called to reschedule so I could play catch up and see this truly memorable film. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
I was on my way to the show, but I had to go by Captain Tim's house last Friday February 11th, and then we drove to Hobby Airport and took a spectacular helicopter ride in a 1964 Hiller bubble three-seater. Leaving Hobby while dodging Southwest Airline 737's was the most exciting part of the trip. I had sweaty palms and was starting to get pits until we cleared Hobby airspace. I was wearing a headset just like a real co-pilot (I am not a real co-pilot; I was just playing one) and I could not understand spit about what that flight controller was saying, but evidently Captain Tim did because we made it safely; he's a good pilot. He gave me a cap, too, with the company's name on it - Rotar Aire Technology (RAT). But I think Captain Tim needs to keep his day job of dentistry. We flew into Galveston's Sholes Field which is "on campus" at Moody Gardens and had lunch of shrimp and stuff and then headed down West Beach/San Luis Pass to Lake Jackson/Freeport and back up Hwy. 288 and into Hobby. Wonderful trip; Capt. T says he will take me up again; we'll see.
Then I picked up the boy and swung by Loew's for a 5:10 pm showing of "Snow Day." The premise is that on a Snow Day the kids in this central New York town do not have to go to school. You know, like a hurricane day in the Gulf Coast. This show is dumb as a board and I laughed a lot. Sure, there were some sounds coming from various orifices, but you gotta expect that when the cast is dominated by kids ages 6-16.
The father of the kids was Chevy Chase who is a stupid TV weatherman who tries hard, but is a fool. The villain is Chris Elliott known as the Snowplowman who plows the roads and/or kids if they mess with him which they do. The Snowplowman has teeth like the guy in "Deliverance" who is involved in the game of pig and only smiles. Sorry 'bout that visual, but it seemed appropriate.
If you have a rather full life and are emotional grounded, then this movie is not for you. But, if you are not as blessed as others, then perhaps you need some comic relief that will fulfill your immature needs, and this movie can help you.
Note: the Academy Award nominations will be announced on Tuesday February 15th at 7:30 am Standard Sugar Land Time. The Third Annual Sugar Awards will be announced by Larry H. soon as well as the Semi-Scientific Poll of you people. The Oscars will be presented on Sunday March 26th. My nominations for Best Picture are: The Green Mile, Magnolia, American Beauty, The Talented Mr. Ripley, and The Hurricane.
Rock 'n RollGrade 87. Larry H.
I was having a really upbeat day until I went to this movie at AMC. The wife and boy and I had already been to IHOP for mass quantities of eggs, pancakes, and other delicacies; it's a school holiday around here. But this movie is super sad and very well done. I'm talkin' sadder than a hound dog that's lost it's bone. I'm talkin' 'bout an Irish Catholic family with 4-6 kids (depending on when you count because the infants/children die periodically) that is starving-poor living in Limmerick, Ireland during the '30's. They had already tried going to America and were back to an Ireland that was suffering it's own version of economic depression that was cruel and life threatening. Folks were dying of "...starvation and the damp." Man, dying of the The Damp has got to be a bummer.
This movie is taken from the Pulitzer Prize-winning memoir by Frank McCourt who is the oldest child in this dreadfully depressing story that never delivers the light at the end of the tunnel or the rainbow that I like so I can leave the theatre feeling good. Well, the McCourt family moved from one hovel to another sometimes living years on the second floor because there was 2-4 inches of slum water on the first floor. The hapless father was played by Robert Carlyle who was perceptually unemployed "... on the dole....and drank up the money" when there was a pittance. The mother was the spirit and glue and she was named Angela (Emily Watson). The strong woman who loves family enough to sacrifice for children is her legacy. Typhoid, fleas, lice, starvation, begging, vomiting, death, youthful pranks, religious oppression, child abuse, and spouse abuse - other than that it was a real knee slapper.
I remained very focused throughout the movie because I cared deeply about the characters and hurt and cried with them, but I wanted the show to end not because it was a bad movie but because I could not take it anymore. There was a smidgen of humor which was accented by a large group of teenagers that appeared to be on a field trip and who would free associate and speak out loudly (especially the boys) whenever they felt the urge. If the picture had any cussing or nudity, those high schoolers spoke and laughed heartily. I liked having the little buggers in the theatre; they at least were able to make me laugh. Everyone in the audience did not share my affection for them though; one man hollered at them to "BE QUIET" and they complied ... for a while. Being poor and hungry sucks. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 86. Larry H.
As we all know by now, my helicopter flight with Capt. Tim was canceled on Friday so I was able to attend my regularly scheduled Friday movie. Since I was planning to hit the wild blue yonder, I ate lots of waffles, milk, and coffee early this morning before realizing that the weather was too icy cold for flying. Hearing that the flight was canceled, the wife wanted to go to IHOP. I'm a sucker for IHOP. While taking the lovely Monique H. for a late breakfast I decided 'what the hey-I'm here all dressed up in my helicopter-flying outfit' I might as well eat. Fried eggs, coffee, sausage, toast, butter, jelly, and some other stuff. Luckily, when I arrive at the movie I had some Milk Duds to settle my stomach. That was a close one.
That Ashley Judd is a fox and she will kill you dead for reasons unknown in this picture. Knife, gun, drowning - makes no never mind - Joanna Eris (Judd) will seduce men and then kill them And she ain't scared to take off her clothes if that's what it takes to do the job. Meanwhile, The Eye, code name for a British spook, is accidentally watching her and becomes entangled in her escapades. Everyone in this flick is either crazy, emotionally unbalanced and very sad, or about to die or get arrested. It's sort of a murder mystery except we know who is doing the murders, we just don't know why. One of the themes is: Beware of beautiful women who wear wigs and disguises and act like they like you.
The Eye played by Ewan McGregor is a pitiful soul who has been dumped by his wife and daughter. The daughter shows up often in the story as The Eye's conscience, inflicts a little guilt on him, and then disappears back to the recesses of his sad brain. But The Eye keeps following Joanna the Murderer. Seemed like a good idea at the time. "Get a grip, man; she ain't nothing but trouble" shouted Larry H. (play like). You people that like strong women, weird music, lots of blood, and freaky sound effects will love this movie. Everyone else should go to a 3-gun (rifle, shotgun, & pistol) match with me on Saturday in Brazoria County. Call me. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 84. Larry H.
I am Boy, Interrupted. Or, boy!! I'm sure interrupted. Or, last Friday (Jan 21st) I was on my way to start my usual Friday of frivolity when the ole jeep in the garage would not start. Tow truck, mechanics etc. So, I say to my mechanic "hey, Lonnie, I tell ya what, I'm going to slip over here to Loew's and catch a movie and when I come back around 3:30 pm, I 'm sure you'll have it up and running." And Lonnie says "...what kind of movie are you going to see?" Those darn mechanics! "Girl, Interrupted" was starting in about 15 minutes after that conversation with Lonnie B., so the choice of movies was easy.
But I digress, now it's Friday January 28th and I still have not written my review for "Girl, Interrupted." I told you that I had been interrupted. Interrupted for a week! I know that's a long time, but the fam and my day job kept getting in the way. Not to mention my outside sport. Not to worry though because I planned to see an afternoon movie today after my scheduled helicopter flight to Galveston with my friend from church who is a dentist, church usher, and come to find out - a helicopter pilot. We just call him Captain Tim. He likes it that way. Well, then along came some serious winter weather and Captain Tim explained to me this morning by phone as I was putting on my helicopter-flying outfit that helicopters do not like wind and ice. Crap. Not a problem - I'll just go see a movie a little earlier than planned and maybe even write my review of "Girl, Interrupted." Hey, bud, why don't you quit talking about that review and tell us about the movie. Don't push. Gotta love America!
Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie and Whoopi Goldberg are the leading ladies of this flick. One would think that this would be a chick flick, but it's just a flick about chicks. Yeah, chicks in a mental hospital. This is Susanna Kaysen's (Ryder) story when she "signed" herself into the institution for low-grade mental problems (tried to kill herself) and it took over a year to convince the shrinks to let her out. The setting is primarily in the hospital ward and we get to know the other crazies not unlike "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest." Even faked taking meds by placing the pills under their tongues and then spit them out or traded "valium" for other goodies. Angelina Jolie plays the rebellious, escape-minded Lisa who has the attitude and dominance of the other patients like our old friend Cuckoo's Randle P. McMurphy (Nicholson). And Whoopi plays a benevolent Nurse Ratched. Other characters reminded me of the stuttering Billy Bibbit and DeVito's Martini. Reminder: Milos Forman directed DeVito in Cuckoo's Nest and "Man on the Moon." I'm sorry, I got interrupted again.
These ladies turn in outstanding performances. I could relate to the various insane folks. What does that say about Larry H.? Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H.
I had to see my Friday movie on Thursday this week because I will be involved in my outside sport Friday afternoon - have to be on the pistol range by 2:00 pm Friday to help set up stuff for the Saturday match or Tony S. the match director will be angry and that boy can be downright ornery if you don't show up timely. Thursday movies are cool.
"The Hurricane" is one of those movies that opened in New York and LA before December 31st so it will qualify for the '99 oscar nominations. I want a new rule passed: if it ain't opened in Sugar Land by 12/31, you're out!
Tinseltown is one of the few theatres where "The Hurricane" is currently playing, but it will go to wide release on January 14th so you people can catch up and you will be ready because Larry H. will have already told you like it is for this flick.
Denzel Washington plays Rubin "Hurricane" Carter who was a champion "prize fighter" in his prime when he was convicted in the mid 60's for three murders in New Jersey and sentenced to three life sentences. And Hurricane had already been in the White Man's prison for eight years beginning when he was eleven, so he was some kind of PO'ed when he went to prison for murders that the audience immediately knows smells bad. I remember when Rubin Carter was convicted and I thought he was just a thug, and barely knew anything about the "rest of the story." Consequently, this movie and Carter's deep anger as superbly portrayed by Denzel pulled at my heart. About an hour into this movie, I was so tired of my suffering from watching Carter's suffering that I wanted to tell Director Norman Jewison "...hey, Norman, back off a little bit... I can't take it anymore... I know The Hurricane suffered great injustices, but I'm at a movie on a Thursday afternoon playing hooky from work and I want to enjoy myself not relive the racial strife of the sixties." Luckily, the first part of the movie merely set me up for the wonderful story of perseverance and love that would dominate the remainder of the movie.
Carter began his childhood trying to just "survive" and claimed he did not speak English, "but spoke hate." He had the bad luck to run afoul of a mean cop (Dan Hedaya - Carla's husband from "Cheers") that was willing to frame him for the murders and do what it took to keep him in prison for over twenty years until a teenager from Brooklyn and three do-gooders from Canada came to his rescue and dedicated themselves to finding out the truth about the crimes and "bustin" Hurricane out of prison. The transformation of Hurricane's character and demeanor by Denzel is worthy of an oscar and I am trying to decide if he is my front-runner for Best Actor. Have to get back to you on that.
Multiple nominations loom. Hedaya is on my short list for Best Supporting Actor. Jewison can still cut it. This is a "must see" so go see it - but if you are the kind of moviegoer that only goes to the movies occasionally, then go see "The Green Mile" or maybe even "Magnolia" but you movie freaks gotta see this soon. Rock 'n Roll
Grade 93. Larry H.
"Magnolia" is magnificent. It's three hours of jam-packed information about the/our human condition - in America. It's about the raw, vulnerable side of us.
Director-writer Paul Thomas Anderson will be remembered for this movie. Anderson's "Magnolia" has set a standard for others to study and attempt to achieve, but will fail. This movie is a combination and mix of the desperation of "They Shoot Horses, Don't They," the death, sadness, and love of "The English Patient," the futility and outrage of "Network," and the heady provocation of life's mysteries of "Grand Canyon."
The story line is made up of various sets of character developments that have a modern day quiz show "What Do Kids Know?" as the common denominator. The show pits kids against adults in a no-holes-barred network show that makes "Do You Want To Be A Millionaire" with Regis look like kindergarten. One of the boy geniuses on the show warns that he must go to the bathroom, but the coordinator of the show tells him to hold it in. Guess what happens. It's raw, man. And not a movie for kids. The rating is R+.
Earl Partridge (Jason Robards) was the original producer of the game show, and is bedridden and painfully dying of cancer - and the estranged father of Frank Mackey (Tom Cruise) who has his own TV infomercial show for sexed-up males whose theme is "Seduce and Destroy." Cruise's character is way over the top, but no more so that a half dozen other characters, and his performance and especially his underwear scene will be shown when he wins his lifetime achievement award. Other important characters and outstanding performances are: John C. Reilly as Jim the LA cop who represents goodness; Melora Walters as Claudia Gator Wilson who represents cocaine, confusion, and heartbreak; Julianne Moore as Robards' wife Linda who represents guilt; William H. Macy as former quiz show winner Donnie Smith who represents a misplaced childhood and full-time loser; Philip Baker Hall as Jimmy Gator the also-dying of cancer host of the quiz show who cannot "remember" if he committed sexual abuse of his daughter - represents the inability to atone; and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Phil the hospice nurse for Robards - represents a small piece of normalcy, compassion, and the audience. I am not sure of the number of acting nominations, but there is potential for a sack full. Total nominations for this front-runner Best Picture will be in the 8-12 range.
The music is powerful and mesmerizing. The editing and ease of movement between subplots is masterful. The sounds and detail of sets and background props (ie-TVs and rain) are astounding.
While watching this film I had several repetitive thoughts: 1) this is an amazing show and I am witnessing greatness 2) decadence is no good and God is our salvation (thanks, Mr. Anderson) 3) the ending of this thing is going to be a doozy. Rock 'n Roll.
Grade 95. Larry H.
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